FEARLESS AND FREE!

                   Fearless and Free...
April was her name, and oh wasn't she a glorious sight,
With her beautiful long black hair, dark as night,
I called her mine, my girl, the one who held my heart,
So beautiful, with such a huge personality, a true work of art.

But really April belonged to no one in a way,
She always had things to do, places to go, things to say.
Never home, out till all hours off the night,
Always giving her parents such a fright.

We went on all sorts of crazy adventures together,
I kissed her on top of the tallest building, in the wet stormy weather.
We went bungy jumping, sky diving, she would do anything for a thrill,
Name the craziest thing ever, dare her to do anything, she will.

I fell for April from the moment I first saw her, I was hooked,
She on the other hand, had a different guy with her, every time I looked.
It took April awhile to come around, to want only me over all the rest,
But I was patent, and we built a strong connection, and soon I was her best.

One night though after drinking way to much, she went to get into her car to drive,
We had an argument, I told her to calm down, and wait for our taxi to arive.
She laughed at me though blood shot eyes, and a smile creeped up on her face,
She looked over to her friend, in the car beside her, and said bet I can beat you in a race.

Before I could grab her, or hold her back, her car had already taken off at full speed,
This was crazy and one of the most stupid things she had ever done indeed.
I got in my car quickly to try and stop her, my heart beating at such a fast rate,
I saw the lights turn red up ahead, she speed past them, and with a bang, I was to late.

Her car was completely destroyed, and April was thrown onto the side of the road,
As I raced to her side, the fear inside me only growed and growed.
As i reached her and held her in my arms, seemed like the world around me stopped,

It was now just her and I, and when I couldn't find her heartbeat, my heart dropped.

I held her lifeless body in my arms, and clung onto her, as people tried to tear me away,
I was out to the world, and I couldn't here a thing they where trying to say.
I can't remember just how many days it was that i cryed and cryed and cryed,
It just seemed unreal, and I couldn't seem to let her go no matter how hard I tried.

               

Fearless and free....
Was how she lived, and now she can be fearless and free in death as well,
I'll always love her, and ill never forget her, but its time for me to say farewell.
She's my soul mate in everylife, my other half, my forever, you see,
and I know no matter what lifetime it is, April will always be fearless and free.

    

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Excellent job of telling a story in a poem. One of the most difficult aspects of this story-poem genre is pacing. Many times people do not spend enuf time setting up the situation, introducing us to the characters, etc. In this piece, you've done that well by giving examples to show us specific things she does to earn the moniker "fearless & free" -- perfectly SHOWING instead of telling. Also, I like the way you meandered thru the details of what happened in this situation & you also took plenty of time to describe how it felt to see her dead. Many poets rush thru these things, but in your poem, packed with sensory details, it's like watching a film of this happening.

Just a little mention of the considerable number of mistakes & typos, etc. . . . and also you have a habit of blathering on & on with many extra meaningless words that could be pruned out to achieve a uniform rhythm from line to line, instead of having your lines go willy-nilly in length & rhythm. Don't know if you ever tried counting syllables, but that's one way to start learning to achieve uniformity from line to line.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thanks allot for your review :)
Yes my grammar needs improvement.
So you think some lines ehere dragged out/ to long?

[barleygirl]

Here's an example (from my point of view):
"This was crazy and one of the most stupid things she had ever done indeed."
could be pruned to:
"The most crazy and stupid thing she had ever done indeed."

Another example:
"I held her lifeless body in my arms, and clung onto her, as people tried to tear me away"
could be pruned to:
"Clinging to her lifeless body as people tried to tear me away"

But this is all just assuming one would want to try for consistency from line to line . . . if you like your rambling style, then go for it!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

No i actually kind of agree with you.
Ill think about changing it thanks

[A. Amos]

Enjoyed the read...this read like watching a movie:-) good job!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you :)

[Nisreen]

I really like the way you see this person
Such attention you place on every aspect of her personality
though she would show signs of instability
Seems like you always managed to see her deep within
Your goodbye in the end is so heartfelt
An entirely moving piece you have here

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you for the review :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the story.
"Fearless and free....
Was how she lived, and now she can be fearless and free in death as well, "
A life walking on a dangerous line can lead to early death. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you for your review :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Sage]

Wow. Gripping, thrilling and fast paced. I thought one could use those words only to tag movies and novels. You miss, have blown all those things out the roof and far beyond. I loved the pace and th deeep meaning. It seemed like I was reading the draft of a sad movie except that it rhymed and quite beautifully so. It was way way good. Just some spell checks and another re-read and this would be possibly the best poem I've read!
Thanks for writing such good stuff.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

That really means allot, these reviews make my day, thanks so much :)

[Sage]

You write well, you deserve these :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

you are a good writer to :) thank you :)

[Sage]

I especially like your work more because I write in rhymes like you do too! :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I find poems more poetic and much better with rhymes :)

[dan]

cimmy, I get to real all kinds of poets on WC and see them evolve, their writing graduating to a higher plane. Your writing in this, your storytelling, is flawless...You hold the writer tight as you lead them along. So I really want you to know that is was THAT strong.
Now, a suggestion: your poem was rife with spelling, grammatical and punctuation errors. Some readers (not me but some) would allow an excellent piece to be thought diminished by these errors. It would be a shame to get a fine poem downgraded due to easily correctable errors, wouldn't it?
Just take 10 minutes at the end of a final draft and go over it word for word. Done? Now post it. take care...dan

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you so much dan i really apresiate this review and i love that you think my stuff is that good.
Honestly If i knew much about grammer and spelling i would fix all these. Maybe someday ill get my mum to help me polish it up a bit. :)

[dan]

I know that I would regret a write of mine to be judged unfairly due to mistakes. I feel bad that you don't know the correct grammar and I hope you don't think that I think any less of you for it. Just do your best and I'll be happy to keep reading your work! take care...dan

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I know you don't think less of me. I also know your only trying to help and its really nice of you.
Thank you again :)

[mark]

omg this is amazing babe. one of my favourites of ur poems for sure. very sad story. she really was fearless ey. i really enjoyed this read i felt it heaps while i was reading it felt like i was there. i was really getting into this one. i wish the ending wasn't so sad though. very very great poem sweetheart :) i love you xxxx

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Really I thought it was one of my worst ones.
Glad you loved it so much though :)
Thanks for the review hun xxx :)

[mark]

nar i really liked it :) ur welcome :)

[Daniel Valentine Rivera]

It's hard to believe that sometimes our biggest asset like being care free can also be the thing that ultimately destroys us. This is a lovely emotional poem. What inspired you to write this?

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you Daniel. A movie actually called Paper towns, about a girl called Margo who is simular.

[Daniel Valentine Rivera]

Oh I have heard of it. The same author that wrote the fault in our stars. I imagine Paper Towns is very emotional aswell.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

No its not as emotional. Me and my boyfriend see every single movie by Nicholas sparks, all his movies are amazing. There's a new one coming out called the choice I think

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I actually don't think paper towns was by him though.

[Satan]

It's nearly impossible to contain a free spirit...especially when they're drunk and about to do something stupid. It's quite sad really...apart from the horror of the car accident itself it sounds like this is the kind of guy that will struggle coming to terms with what happened. Which sucks for him because it seemed like this girl was hardly invested into their relationship in the first place.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Yer she was in love with him in the end, I probably should have showed that more, but it was getting to long. haha.
He was hypnotised over her from the beginning, intrigued by her.
Im glad you liked it, always love your reviews :)

[Satan]

Ahhh so he won her over eventually, which if anything makes your tale even more tragic :( a prequel in the future perhaps? you're welcome cimmy keep it up.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

everything has a happy ending i guess lol.
Prequel?
I will :) You keep writing to always :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

not everything i was meant to say lol

[Satan]

If you think a fatal car accident is a happy ending you're far more of a sadist than I first anticipated haha :p a prequel is kinda like the opposite of a sequel. If you wanted to write a sequel of this poem you would write about the future of this story. If you wanted to write a prequel of this poem you would write about what happened before the events in this one.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Oh shhh lol :P
Oh with my memory I will forget anyway but thanks I know for now haha.
So its like past events cool.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Wow!! What a love story. I just loved it. A very sad ending. I liked the flow of words. Easy to understand. I would like to thank you for sharing such a beautuful love story.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Im glad you liked it, thank you for your review :)

[Paul]

She wasn't anyone's to begin with. Never the damsel, always the protagonist. She was in love with the rush of adrenalin, the thrill of life itself. The boy just came in the way and their lives intertwined.Well written.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Yer pretty much haha. Thank you for your wonderful review :)