all that's left of the song

all that's left of the song

 

 

 

diamonds on porcelain beaches

the sands drain of moisture

like worn out tears

 

wedding bands play wistful blues

fingers reach, but don't touch

hearts touch, but don't reach

 

separate microphones sound movement

towards each other's voices

but the voices don't blend in pitch

 

love is embarrassed on a stage of speculation

lips come close to each other

but the words formed keep a safe distance

 

skepticism in tones of grief

trusts only a tune of the past,

the concert is rained out

 

clouds form an audience

a pallor over what once was,

but the notes that spill from the speakers

 

are just watered down memories

accompanied by a fuzz guitar

and some bleeding drums.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

6/9/16

Reviews

[Bacchus]

always sounds like a grand idea... a wedding on a beach
this one seems like the sand has gotten gritty and uncomfortable
...too many pebbles stuck in your sandal

I think you could end it with just watered down memories...
then we feel the downpour connecting with the waves again.

I like this one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review and suggestion...will ponder it...

j.

[Ana Papaya]

Beautiful sadness here...
The stepping off of cloud nine, the coming down from a love high, the day after Christmas when the thrill is gone... It was nice. While it lasted.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Ana.

j.

[andrew mitchell]

superb write jacob reads like the aftermath of a party, except its a life long party and all that's left is the drummer and a guitar playing til the last dying moments of a couple parting. A great metaphor. For some reason Peggy Sue got married came to mind when I read this and I can't remember what happened in that movie but vague sketches lol

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, i have trouble remembering exactly what happened in that movie also.

thank you for your words, andrew.

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Memories....do we remember them the way the other characters in those memories do? Do we rewrite history? The songs replay in our minds, but they stop short of our hearts. Great metaphor once again. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Lydi.

j.

[barleygirl]

Your message is so unique & interesting & surprising! I love the way you're presenting a contrast in almost every stanza . . . such as: "fingers reach, but don't touch . . . hearts touch, but don't reach" . . . and "lips come close to each other . . . but the words formed keep a safe distance" . . . I love the way you craft words in such interesting paradoxes, so true-to-love & true-to-life. Then later you go on to build your analogies around a rained-out concert . . . oh how we all can remember those times when there's just a little bit left of a song . . . all there is to remind us . . . beautiful blend of music memories & love lost.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, barleygirl.

j.

[Cobblestone Traveler]

Wow. I was really moved by this piece. The near connection, the incompleteness...you did an excellent job!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for the kind words Cobblestone Traveler...
j.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is how weddings strike me now. I avoid them like the plague, quite frankly, as the bride and groom are supposed to be happy, and I am afraid they will feel my cynicism from across the room.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, i am exactly the same...but then, three divorces later, why would i not be?

:)))

thank you, KL.

j.

[Lyn Anderson]

You and I have a lot in common, although only two divorces, I have opted for a paper and ring free relationship. :)

[Alfred Kukitz]

On the other side of the Wedding Song. We gather in sadness and grief the song left us on the alter of the divine.

Nice write!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Al.

j.

[Chris]

now THAT was a good "depression"...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Chris...:)))

[Nisreen]

I feel like this is what happens to love when a third person interfères ..... Fear and lack of trust takes lead
But Its funny all The éléments of extrême care are there

So maybe With enough tîme
This party çan Get started and music Will start again

[jacob erin-cilberto]

perhaps that could happen...thank you for your take on this piece, Curiosity...

always enjoy your angles...

j.

[Nisreen]

Glad You enjoy my perspective