Day

Day

 

 

the atmospheric pressure

being near you,

I am bursting at the heart

and you are obliviously

 

...just a passing cloud

momentarily hiding the sun

from me

 

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

4/22/24

Reviews

[Amy R]

Very nice write, simple but so deep....
The comparison of the person to a passing cloud momentarily hiding the sun adds to the sense of fleeting and temporary emotions.

Again, feels like unrequited love.
GREAT poem!
-Amy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Appreciate your words, Amy,
j.

[Amy R]

You're welcome 😊

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Your metaphors are brilliant.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Thomas.
j.

[V]

Just came along this one.
Your wording and use of metaphors is exquisite. Also the mood drop, the changing of feelings while reading or 'entering' the second paragraph.
It reads relatable to me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, V.
Appreciate your kind words,
j.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Storms usually come when the barometric pressure drops but emotional storms spring from stress when the pressure is rising. I like this weather metaphor. F.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Fabian,
j.

[Ana Papaya]

I get the sense that feelings are being kept in the dark.
She's either oblivious or deliberately casting shade and it feels like the latter.
Nice one, Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your insights, Ana,
j.

[Ana Papaya]

You're welcome, j 🙂

[Betty Hermelee]

Love this poem... the atmospheric pressure ( the closeness, the passion ) you feel for one doesn't measure up to the other.... just a passing cloud, could mean little or no interest, or a moment's flare....
great metaphor...
Warmly. B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Betty,
j.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome J,
Warmly, B

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Jacob… we can feel the atmospheric pressure of another Poet as we wander into the Ether of Life. Gently, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Pat,
j.

[Anushka joshi]

Seriously,
I couldn't have ever imagined using atmospheric pressure like this. I can't get this expression out of my head, might as well use it in my conversation from now. But yeah, that's just a passing feeling. Contrary to this one is very comforting one. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your words, Anushka,
j.

[DIVYA]

The pressure is critical that the poet experiences while for the other, its just a passing interest. How different feelings can be for two people in an association. For one, its a bursting heart and for the other, just a pleasant moment under the sun. Cant express how good it feels to be back and reading you, my friend!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for your kind words, Divya,
j.

[Poetic Beauty]

I like the wording in this poem with the use of clouds

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, P.B.
j.