Crawl Space

Crawl Space

 

 

little baby's feet never met concrete

just poured tears

imprints invisible

only the unsound mind

riddled with guilt

 

and womb cleared 

empty pavement,

no small voice

walking towards the tunnel

just blackness

 

never finding the light.

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/6/17

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

The prior reviews have commented on this piece's power, and I certainly concur. I think it is the tone, the spare nature of the piece and the language within, which is primarily responsible for that power. A lesser writer would have this piece awash in tears, and thus it would be a much lesser piece of work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, W.k.

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

power packed in every way ..the baby woven within concrete and dark tunnels ..hard hitting poem ..i think of all the unborn who are killed in the womb ..the barbarity visited upon such innocence is appalling .. acts committed for convenience mostly .. but a baby's death can come in other ways as well ..and that loss is always a tragedy no matter ..at least that is what i think :{ your work with metaphor always inspiring ... the concrete, poured, imprints, pavement .. really fine says i! the unsound mind gives me a very distinct picture of a frantic situation and a decision that only compounds her guilt .. such an important issue ...
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, E.---yes, precarious subject for many reasons....

j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

indeed our fate is partly sealed in the womb Jacob. you give this such stark brutality in the phrases such as 'little baby's feet never met concrete' and 'womb cleared empty pavement'. Just brilliant use of metaphors.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, John.'
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Speechless here. Baby gone to soon and lost in the tunnel- is it Limbo for unbaptized souls? Is it more tragic "feet never met concrete"-poetic death-blow. "No small voice"....wandering angel, no matter how you passed, please go to the light...Tears.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind response, Annette...
j.

[Ana B.]

Killer first line Jacob. A beautiful allegory of our life....tumbling around never truly knowing what for, and when we get the hint, we're gone.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oooh...Ana....i love your interpretation of this---
thank you for your insights....
j.

[Ana B.]

Anytime dear friend.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Little body and new soul: "What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder!"
We live in a country that practically wages war on innocent human life. What price will Justice extract to balance these scales?
A highly artistic and totally devastating poem, Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Jimmy---appreciate your words.

j.