Senryu

Senryu

 

 

love is a clipped wing

crawling across a rainbow

the colors limping

 

 

I am a haiku

not fit for nomenclature

just absorb titles

 

when mortality

wore too many syllables

they buried the vowels

 

 

sentence drastically

parsed according to E.B.

took all the fun out

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/16/22 

Reviews

[NFA]

Love the rebellion against tradition in writing, while keeping with others we can certainly adapt and modify to make our writing interesting and meaningful.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, NFA...appreciate your words...
j.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

"when mortality
wore too many syllables
they buried the vowels" I really enjoyed this senryu so much. It's been a while since I had a good laugh or chuckle. Wonderful work my friend.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Carlos, appreciate your kind words,
j.

[Dave]

This is why I don't care for rhyme or meter or whatever. What I feel at the moment is what finds it's way onto the page. I just hope that it all makes sense and that some like it.
Take care - Dave

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Dave, I appreciate you...thanks for stopping by and for the comment.
j.

[Sami Khalil]

An injured love, clipped wings, hopeful rainbow on the horizon, feeling mortal and closer to the end. Wow!
At least your name will live on and your legacy will not move on.
Long live sir Jacob!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thanks, Sami, you are too kind. But again, I doubt I can take credit for my writings...they just come to me and I am more of a conduit...
but thanks,
j.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow! You are welcome sir Jacob.......

[AJNJ]

The first haiku made me think of love as a forever injured bird. Great haikus sir.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you AJ...
I appreciate your kind comment.
j.