the shame of being something else

the struggle to accept that im bisexual has been long and hard.

I spent last night hunched over a toilet until my insides were raw

I don't remember why, but I'm sure it had something to do with the words my mother spoke

"You only feel that way because you were raped," she said, claiming my feelings as her own

If it is not my right to feel then why do I do so deeply?

Often, I have found myself begging for forgiveness

Locked inside my bedroom, sobbing into a pillow

I plea to a God that does not listen

Unclean and dammed

I wonder if she was right

Maybe if he hadn't touched me -- hadn't forced himself on me, I wouldn't be this way

It's supposed to be comforting

and yet that thought is as bitter as the bile.

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

Upon reading this again.....

I just want to make sure it's clear.... I think your mother is an extremely cunty b***h of a women.

No offense.

[Meghan Renee]

yeah, you right

[Planet x]

It's a beautiful poem
You did nothing wrong to beg for forgiveness


Often, I have found myself begging for forgiveness

Locked inside my bedroom, sobbing into a pillow

I plea to a God that does not listen

Unclean and damme

[Rania M]

Ohhh Lord this is painful and so shattering emotionally. Maybe she cannot run away. Its gut wrenching anyway you look at it.

[¿]

Wonder how long the world would take to act normal with every type of person,
Most don't like the freedom because free people don't live as per they take the world to be!
If words do heal, I pray for your safety and long life, ameen♡

[SunniRayn]

I really enjoy your poetry, I think you write with your heart on your sleeve. I've subscribed already and look forward to new works from you. Trauma is more common than we think, most people have gone through some sort of trauma. It affects everyone differently, in both negative and positive ways. The positive behind yours is your ability to write out the negatives. It's nice to spill everything out on a page, it takes a little bit of the weight off of the shoulders. It's a coping skill that makes living with such a burden a little easier.

[Pete]

so sad. when a person is raped, a lot is taken from them - more than meets the eye (they're spirit). you have every right. take comfort in the fact that god does listen. deep, raw write. honest thoughts and feelings. the opening grabbed me by the throat and never let go. you can overcome ... :)

[Davidgeo]

In the flesh, it can be ugly when you really look... if your closed minded.

That fact never changes.

Most of us never really look. Even fewer really pay attention when they do. Life is a jigsaw puzzle of a difficulty we are not really prepared for.

[Relic]

This is frigging moving as hell. The torture is real, as is the prolonged answer that appears to be absent. Life is hell in this kind of situation and it makes the world a horrible place to be.

I hope you can find peace somehow.