Is love still alive?

The heart captured silence when it was with you and now there are lots of cracks that I can't sew

You slapped me and tore me apart
I was outrageous but couldn't hear the pounding of your heart
When blood poured out and you needed help badly
I controlled myself and just looked at it sadly
I tumbled and was almost falling on the sand
But I held a tree branch instead of grabbing your hand
When the air grew colder, I refused to take your coat
I would never call for help even if I was in a wrecked boat
When it was 2am and I was walking home
But I refused to go with you even when I see the kidnappers roam

I bit my tongue when I see you cry
I am trying to solve our puzzle but I just can't try
Because I remember you say "No one can take you away from me.'
But then you left me saying now you're free
You said I was wrong, when I used to be myself
You moved away, when you knew your presence might help

Didn't you see me crying at the stairs of your house
You took a bird's eye view and sneaked out, like a mouse
The sky crashed on me when you said you moved on
I waited for the sun but the sky was sunless even at dawn

Author's Note

These thoughts just haunted my mind and compelled me to write. Please give me reviews if you like it or grudge it.. thank u

Reviews

[Stephanie K.]

Very well written piece of work!

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much!!

[Laura Lynn]

You have a good way with words that you can verbalize the break ups and quarrels that people have, a mature way of looking at things and etc

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much!

[free will]

The dos & don'ts, what you have & dont have, what you want & what you get in love...never starts, is or finishes how you would always dream it to be. This had me thinking about those things from my past experiences. good one ;)

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much!

[Emily]

Nice wording and meaning!
Keep it up!

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

Thank you so much!

[Sanjh]

It's deep and very sad. The expressions of love, betrayal, anger, agony etc are used very powerfully. There are a couple of lines where rhyming seems to be forced, but overall it's wonderful.
Thanks for sharing...:)

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much!

[DoormanDan]

i waited for the sun but the sky was sunless even at dawn. Easily one of the best poetry lines ive ever seen. Good job!

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much

[Nitesh Mahabal]

Felt Like Reading Some Eminem Song Lyrics... Ur way Of xpressing emotions is so simple yet it gives such a needy impact on readers.

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

haha...thanks a lot...

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

I liked this writing very much... I certainly felt the turmoil. I think my best suggestion which I give often is to re-read this piece to yourself out-loud... See the areas that flow even and smooth racing you into the turmoil and which parts stumble or cause a pause...
In this sentence: I tumbled and was almost falling on the sand
Try taking out the words (and was) by changing it to :
I tumbled almost falling on the sand... If you read it out-loud both ways you will see what I mean...
I love these two lines :
When blood poured out and you needed help badly
I controlled myself and just looked at it sadly
AND: I would never call for help even if I was in a wrecked boat
you might try something like... I would never call for help even in a sinking boat
Just a few suggestions... hope you don't take offense... A very... very nice start..

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

your suggestions are much better than praises... thanks a lottttt

you are so welcome... any time... Remember though... my suggestions are just that.. keep your writing true to who you are...

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

okk. :)........

[Deepika]

Loved the way the emotions are depicted. Good one :)

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much

[Konigin]

Your writing holds a haunting, poignant quality... I loved your style and your flow.

I have a suggestion for a correction: ¨ "No one can take you apart from me.' ¨ I would suggest saying ¨away¨ instead of ¨apart¨

Beautiful pen friend! :)

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

Oh my God!! how can I do such a terrible mistake...thank you for the suggestion..

[Konigin]

It alright!! People make mistakes! :) It was still a beautiful poem!

[Fariha Tahseen Karim]

thank you so much

[Konigin]

You are so welcome. ^.^