We human being born of the dust

If you were to define yourself, on a completely two dimensional level, how would you do it? Who or what would you be? Me? Me, I would stab at the dark, one darkly stabbing and say I’m a prime. One of those numbers that can’t be divided up.... Something uniquely unportionable. I know this isn’t true and I know very little about prime numbers. I pick this idea to describe myself.. and of all things... I make myself out to be a number.

5:Hi, I’m 5.

Somebody: Oh nice to meet you Mr. 5.

5:It’’s really no trouble at all, I meet people all the time.

So, on the instinct (A gut reactionary process), I’m a prime liar. Great. I want to write about stuff, anything really... but I keep having this hurdle..or is it an obstacle? First I have to write myself. Then perhaps I can write about other stuff. Tackle the ambiguous. Discover the unexplored.

So all right, if given the option I’ll talk about things I don’t really know about and have the nerve to define myself by them. Seems kind of wreck less. I guess I am wreck less....but I have been in a car wreck. (This is really just a silly play on words, more importantly a method for changing the subject or at least detouring it for a while. Another stone upturned, a procrastinator as well.) Wrecked wreck less procrastinator.

So, are we really defined by ambiguous statements...by characteristic flaws....by the strengths known or acted on?

The sum of my parts. Gee.

Undress for the paper Mr. Gaspard. How honest do you want to be today?

 

I don’t want to be double faced, carrying alter egos for easy remodification.

Work Derrek Uploaded.

Home Derrek Paused.

Friend Derrek Initiated.

Writer Derrek Executed.

Christian Derrek, delete?

Better to be a prime, just Derrek. Being Derrek for all occasions.

In reality I’m very difficult. Things like “difficult” just don’t translate well and I couldn’t do my nature justice because I am on the giving end and not the receiving. I’ll try:

I like everything explained to me in proper order (proper order being a logical progression of thought with key words defined and the process explained in detail). I argue points on grammar, vague statements meant to cover what should be common sense knowledge (Which I find I lack in surprising quantities), and my general denseness. Archie bunker defines fellows like me as meatheads. It hurts ...but just for a little while....and....

Yet there is hope. I don’t know how it happens but I have been successful in developing relationships. The brain thing is generally a negative (Derrek being difficult) and despite my need to pick things apart I don’t like to argue or debate as some people refer to the process. Once I assimilate information I am able to, with relative easy, make analogies. This gives the appearance of insight.

Soooooooo.... What the heck is it that makes me functional? Just dealing with the facts: I have been able to secure employment where I verify information. I am dependable and I am able to learn new things and apply the knowledge. I make money.

I have interests; Things that take up my time and cause me a sensation of enjoyment. I play video games. The games I play generally operate on a turn based basis where you strategize your decisions and the developers use storytelling elements to progress the game play, some have the feel of an interactive book. I spend a good deal of my free time and money on such things.

I love to interact with people and enjoy doing so in coffee houses. I’ll converse with people on the phone, the net, and in person. My favorite form is in person but if I were to pick another form letter writing would probably be the medium. I do love to hear peoples voices.... but more so I love the well thought out content of ones soul laid bare . Give me the means to read between the lines, please.

 

So I write, that’s obvious. There is some skill here that catches the eye of the reader, what it is I don’t know. But I also strap a lot of needless wordiness to my work. My dad use to always encourage me to “edit edit edit.” For one reason or another I wouldn’t do it. Now that roadblock has been removed. I will chop away at my writing. I will remove that which could be called stubble. I, in theory, present to you the reader only diamonds- globs of wonder from the earth of the earth.

I haven’t ever written anything to completion before... aside from school papers and poetry (A page of anything doesn’t seem like an accomplishment to me. Put twenty pages down and if in each paragraph something can be found to keep me reading, you pass.)

Two pages, that badly need revising. I fail.

Derrek undefined...for the moment. I fail.

But will you smile? Will you think? Will you want more?

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[Carla Debelis]

Sillly prime-8:}