FML

humor, short story, suspense?

Today was not his day.

Sitting at the beaten down table, downing drink after drink, he subtly scanned the growing crowd. He couldn't even have fun flirting with any of the girls at that club.

They were either too drunk or too obvious. Sometimes both.

Just then a red head walked in, scanning the crowd just as he'd done. Though she'd been a bit more than just passably pretty, it was her bizarre outfit that had caught his attention.

She'd worn pants at least twice her size, cinched to her tiny waist by a moth eaten, god awful belt- at least he thought it was a belt.

Her top gave the idea that all the babies in town had had a poop fest all over it. Utter dreckitude. He did a double take. Was he drunk enough that he'd started making new words?

A second later he decided he had bigger problems to worry about. At the rear end of the pub, he'd just sighted the two mafia assassins that had been after him for months now.

He'd been able to shake them a few weeks ago but obviously his luck had run out. It was payday. Or not. He had to get out now.

Payback was a b***h he didn't wanna meet. So he'd stepped on the wrong man's toes, his bad. The only thing he was positive about was what would happen if he didn't leave.

He'd never been a fan of getting murdered or in this case, butchered.

He began to plan his escape, immediately eliminating the front entrance. He was sure it would've been blocked, going that way would be suicide.

The good news was, they hadn't spotted him. The bad news was he'd be dead when they did. He needed a distraction- a big one.

He glanced at the bar, spotting the redhead immediately. He thought she'd do quite nicely. These days people did anything for a the right price. Besides, she could do with a trip to the mall.

The problem was, she could be one of them. The assassins had arrived mere seconds after she had. His instincts told him to go for it. He had good instincts, mostly.

He slid out from behind the table and stealthy made his way to the bar while blocking several unwanted advances. The last thing he needed was another complication and they were just that.

When he'd gotten close enough to her that he could smell her hair he paused. He'd only now just seen the slight bulge her monstrous clothing had concealed from plain view.

He leaned in closer. Her head snapped up to meet his piercing gaze. Emerald blue eyes met jade green. The reaction was catatonic.

Then she smiled. It took his breath away. Literally.

From the corner of his eyes, he'd glimpsed her slender fingers wrapped tightly around the barrel of a gun. It was pointed right at him.

Today was not his day.        

Author's Note

I write like this sometimes...