____ Of life and Death ____

Something came over me.

Walking across the streets, hitchhiking like a loner, i just wandered around with no meaning, with no destination in mind. Sometimes i get in some grip that i cannot point out. And the only release comes in form of, escape. So I was actually escaping my own thoughts, and for no obvious reason, I thought I would just carry on walking until my steps would have no more strength to carry and my mind would have no thought to think of.

On my side, I see cars rushing past me and I am walking in between hundreds of people going their own. Sky above me seems to be in good mood today, and sun shined on us and clouds were a distant memory. I wonder if I could read minds, I would have been in a world with bees buzzing around me and life would have been so much out of my own hands. But I was relieved to see that none mattered as far as you yourself are happy and reluctant.

And as I was walking, I came across a sign post saying 'Walk Slowly'. It was a signboard by the hospital, a private hospital. I wondered walking swiftly on this turf would make any one in a hundred meter radius sleepless. Yet with no urgency in steps, I abided by the sign and perhaps that something came over me again and I instead of carrying my own directionless path went to the door steps of the hospital.

Nice and cozy, the first impression those white stainless walls and tiled floor made. That very familiar smell came to greet me that we are all so much familiar with. I came to the reception and asked for directions. They told me to have a look at the side where a board was neatly hanged which gave all the directions to every ward in the hospital. And, without much of a selection as for immediate careful enclosure....I started wandering again.

Ward after ward, room after room, the sick were on guard. Relatives and friends swarmed across their loved ones and you can feel warmth and comfort peeping out. Some where in those eyes, I saw a glimmer of hope.

Human carries the blame of his existence all his life and yet is a mere toy for the fate to grip in. Human, tested to be pure and prism, yet nothing in his hand that could be termed as...inevitable...stable. And in those sick and pale eyes, those hollow sockets of distant past....I saw their past laying bare with cold feet, smiling and giggling on the same floor that I was walking.

I came to the second floor where the very sick ones were admitted, means they needed immediate care and help. This place was a bit of a hazard, a mob. I was finding difficulty not hearing, not feeling, and not seeing what this place was trying to shriek out. In it's pit lied the ones who could be cured in an instant...or in weeks or months....but for every single one of them....every single soul among them lied a different story...a revelation. A story.

I couldn't resist the urgency created by the scene so I rushed to the third and the last floor. There I took a breath....or did I?

That floor was quiet, absolutely quiet. I heard my own footsteps echoing, my heart beating. So much for a pin drop silence I suppose. I started to go around my usual wandering like cloud stuff until I came to a ward in which…

There lay in front of me a girl, on a wheel chair. She was merely 4 I suppose, so sweet and angelic. I kept wandering but some thing made me go back to the same door.  I hesitated a bit but when I saw no one around and any resistance...I entered the open doors and towards that angel.

Her hair were gold, I could have been easily fooled into this, soft and elegant. Face was so fresh like she had been in an stove...freshly baked. She was sketching something. I came close and tried to have a peek....at that moment...she stopped and turned her head towards me....and i looked in her eyes.

Her eyes were black and cold like I had intruded into something...and then some sense of familiarity came in between those planets and she made a gesture. I at first couldn't understand what she meant but on second thought I came closer and she continued her sketch...so aloof as if I was not existent....as if she didn't cared if I was there or not.

The doll was sketching a house, a two story Australian construction that you can see so many of them in the remote parts of this country. And there was a garden in which as it came to me, she was making scenery where there were chairs and a table and a family was having a get together.

She kept on sketching and I standing by her side kept on watching like I am about to see something very odd...but nothing happened. After a while...I leaned closer and asked her name....she didn't seem to notice. I tried again but in vain. I was about to try the third time when a lady popped in and told me that the visiting hours have been long gone so I should be leaving as well. I said genuinely spoofed that I should be but before I could go could she tell me about this doll sitting here, sketching!

She was completely flummoxed and bemused. She asked me if I was a relative or someone. I replied with a bit of caution...as not to get slipped into some sort of trouble that I was just passing by....met my friend in another ward when I came across her and wanted to know what's wrong with her.

Something told me that I had bought my time. The lady who was also wearing those cloths which the sick wore, took me out of the room and told me in a very mild manner that the girl is deaf and cannot speak either. Once a week her family takes her to her house where she get to know all the others but she's going to spent a long, long time in here, as she's not fit to walk freely....not yet.

Something caught my breath, I was not sure if I was in my senses any more. How could nature be unkind to such a nice and unharmed creature? How could this happen to such a pleasant mortal? I just couldn't believed myself.

I guess the lady grasped the moment of truth that was occurring on me and she seemed quite moved and stirred. She took me to another section of the hospital and told me to have a look at those persons; some of them were never ever going to be cured because their cure has not been invented yet because perhaps it was God's will or an Order to be kept. None of those people could lead a normal life ever, and they don't even know why they are breathing those breaths? Why they dream when they know there's no dream to come true? Why are they born in the first place where every day of their lives is a new death for them...a whispering death!

Then she looked back and said that we should not loose hope, ever. Maybe one day those medicines would become powerful enough that humans could lead a normal life and die on the day that is meant for their demise...not every other day of their lives.

And I was speechless.

I was motionless and I was thinking how could my directionless feet took me to something as this. There was meant to be something that made me want to think; why was I Here?

The answer that came to me was clearer than anything else, when the lady told me I am lucky and I am not bound to live like this.

Yes I am grateful, I thought and sweat broke my forehead. I couldn't spell it any other way that living a normal and carefree life is not only a blessing but is everything that those hundreds of people just dared dreaming off. I was so grateful that my eyes went dim.

I told the lady that I would be back in a while and if some one asked tell them that I was a friend, and rushed from the hospital. I came back after a while with a box of chocolates and some other sweet accessories and went to the doll. I told the lady that I was not sure if she could accept something from a stranger so if she would be kind enough she would please give them to her.

She looked at me like I am some kind of a crazy maniac, a lunatic but she did said a word...and gave me a nod and perhaps something came to her that she gave me a smile as well, her eyes became wet. I didn't know what else to do I shook her hands and was about to leave when I stopped on my tracks and asked her why she was here in the first place?

She didn't say a word; she didn't even look at my face. Ii got the impression that she might have not heard me so I repeated my question.

She stared to move back to the wards away from me. When she was about to enter her ward, she gave me a look perhaps a farewell, and she was gone.

I was struck on my feet. Something big has happened, something huge has exploded right in front of me, but I couldn't name it and I was still guessing when a nurse came rushing from a corner and asked me to leave as the visitor's time was over. I looked at her like I was listening but I couldn't make my mind, so I asked the nurse if she can please tell me what kind of patients are admitted in that ward in that section?

She saw my pointed hand and told me that was the ward for patients who have got ...CANCER...third stage.

 I left with more on my heart than I could ever possibly hold. Those foot steps of mine had showed me life from another angle that I had never seen before.

I still go to the hospital and pay them a visit, and we all know that life and death is not in one's hand. but...

Isn’t it's a relief when one knows that his death is not written on a wall, on some doctor's report, that he/she could live for this many days or months?

Isn't it?

Reviews

[Vanessa]

I think that the best part of this is that it's from your diary. Now I don't feel so alone. And I have to say that on a lot of the stuff you've said, I can relate... and agree. I felt like I was on a little stroll in your mind. Very cool, theway things were stated.

-Vanessa Alyse

[Pema Dorje]

... a walk into the depth and breadth of life, your Heart aspired and came to see, the magic and how fleetingly, we all pass by, we all pass by ... write on ... you have the writers gift/curse to see it all with eyes wide open reflecting all the world; and you look and look and look and dare to see what passes by so fleetingly ...

[Brianna Brie]

Since I am to hyper lately to read a longer piece, I almost skipped out on this one until "from my diary" caught my eye. From there on you sucked me in deeper and deeper into the story. I like your description of the 4 year old doll. Now I have that sunken heavy feeling in my chest. Surely, you give the reader much to contemplate about ones own life. Thanks for taking me along with you on your own journey.

[Jaclyn]

This is such a unique piece. Thought-provoking, just a tad eerie, and filled with excellent imagery. Good write!

[Lydia Shutter]

Absolutely true...we all have much to be grateful for in our lives. Sometimes we have to look closely...almost with a magnifying glass...but there are plenty of reasons to be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "a man is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be" and that is so true. Your words are thought provoking and well written. Lydia

[The Random Writings Of ..]

This is a very interesting piece, and I must say you caught my attention. It is strange to think that people have to suffer and be in pain and yes we are lucky, but my good fortune can me me feel guilty, why them and not me? The flow on this piece is great and you have got me thinking Great write.
Kates

[Sean M. Addams]

very good descriptions flow through this nicely... a very well written piece

[Tai Chi Italy]

A good human story of just how lucky we are Flawlez, I would not say it was flawless as it needs a little edit and the diction is slightly confusing in places, but I suppose that is our differences in geographical nature. Where there is life there is hope, springs to my mind and the human spirit is strong to extremes for ever and beyond. Sometimes we need this sort of experience to bring us back to balance. Good to read your work, smiling at you, Tai

[April Child]

Sky above me seems to be in good mood today
saw their past laying bare and with cold feet, smiling and giggling on the same floor that i was walking.
Face was so fresh like she had been in an oven, freshly backed. (think you mean baked :))

I love your descriptions and and having read a few pieces of yours now I am also enjoying your messages too. This is a very powerful piece and yes we need to remember more often that there is alot to be grateful for.