Clicking

Awareness of mental illness, invisible illness and depression

The light from the cell phone
Only partially illuminates the room
All else is silent but the wind
And the sound of the tiny clicks
that sound out loud
each time a letter is typed

The writing keeps me thinking
The writing stops me from thinking too much
About the darkness
The writing keeps me feeling
The writing keeps me from feeling too much
Of the darkness

The resonating echo of the clicks
Filling the emptiness of the room
Makes me feel some safety ...
Something familiar
Something "normal"
Something reliable
Something to frighten
the darkness away

To ward it off
To block it's path
To distract my mind
To pretend it cannot reach me
But it's all around
I can feel it rising
From the floors of the bedroom
To the top of the mattress

But I just keep typing
To hear the clicking
Of the cell phone keys in the dark
Because it isn't the darkness
From the lack of light
That frightens me the very most
But the other darkness that rises
And closes all around me
That no one thinks is there
And no one else can see

Reviews

[WillGrant]

I like this piece. I know the darkness all too well myself. Seems like the people who feel the deepest also have habits of bringing darkness into places it's hard to get it out of. It seems to hide inside and jumps out even when the lights are bright outside. Thanks for sharing this. Look forward to reading more of your work!

[PhoenixDown]

I just learned this ^ - it doesn't seem like one can be an in-depth thinker without being followed by darkness. Darkness is part of the depth, which we keep diving into, and therefore it will resurface, over and over.

[gentlekindness]

I am glad the poem validated you, and I am also sorry you can relate to feeling engulfed in the darkness. It may have to do with feeling more than others. I agree.

It is also ending up in situations where others use that against you. The ability to be extreme in emotions and to feel what others are feeling allows for good poetry. But it also allows for us to see the dark side of certain people we are around, in a way other people cannot perceive or believe it.

This may be a blessing and a curse. To know when someone is intentionally causing you pain, while other people think it is incindental.

There is too much darkness around me right now. I need to get away from these particular people.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the poetry. Feel free to talk if you ever feel caught up in your own depression.
Annie💕💃

[PhoenixDown]

I try to live my honestly. I try to be honest with others, as well as myself. If one is to embrace the totality of anything, then one is to embrace both the light & the shadow. It will mean you are more susceptible to people and happenings - sure; it will mean you feel pain more than others may, but it also means you will be able to see more, understand more, & know more. Knowledge comes at a price, but it also comes with rewards.

Thank you, and the same goes for you :)

[gentlekindness]

Yes you are right about those things. 💙But sometimes I just want to sleep. I am usually okay in the evenings. But when I wake up, and for the first couple of hours, I would rather be sleeping and not have to be conscious.

Much of it is the situation and where I live. But it is like a catch 22. I want to sleep and I do not want to get up and see that I am here. But I will have to be able to get up and be functiknal to figure my way out and do the things to make money to get out. I feel trapped.

Anyway, nice talking to you. Feel free to stop by my blog
gentlementalannie.com

[PhoenixDown]

I can be the same way.
Also, I am slow to warm by nature I believe, and "peak" later in the day.
I think being that way intensifies depressive feelings. Of course I know you know this already, and I know you know what you have to do in order to "destroy your cycle."
As with most catch 22's, it comes down to perseverance ...it comes down to will.
It's a b*tch; it is easier said than done. However, it is a hell of a lot easier with support. I'd say "always here for ya," but I'm afraid I'll come off as the character in your piece "Mask" - offering all the answers, haha.
I will most certainly check out your blog. Thank you. I was thinking of making one myself.

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

I like the way you have expressed the thoughts about the Clicking with your emptiness in the room. Very Interesting!

[gentlekindness]

Thank you. I appreciate your reading it and reviewing. Looking forward to reading your writing :)read moreThank you. I appreciate your reading it and reviewing. Looking forward to reading your writing :)
Annie

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Welcome my friend :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I do understand the poem.
"But the other darkness that rises
And closes all around me "
Many types of darkness. Some more deadly than the others. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[gentlekindness]

Thank you for reading. I know that you would understand this.
Annie :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I do and always a pleasure to read your work my friend.

[Mister T.]

Wow, very beautiful.. I'm impressed.
I don't really have any suggestions on this one, actually. There's nothing I can point out for you.
Anyway, keep on the good work!

[gentlekindness]

Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. Looking forward to reading more of your writing.
Annie💃

[MeTime]

The last two lines really strike me - because what it means to me is something Ive always thought about ...people can really think everything is fine and never realize what is going on inside another person...

[Norman T]

I can empathise with the message of this poem, as I find writing and painting very therapeutic. Strangely though, I tend to use humour to avoid becoming too immersed in dark thoughts, and I find it works for me.
I also enjoy the discipline of rhyming poetry, as it seems to lighten my mind whenever I am at a low point..
Perhaps it's because it allows others to share my form of "therapy".

I hope this approach may help you to cope.
Norman

[Rocksie]

I saw a picture once with "I write to remember, and sometimes to forget" Written on it, and I feel like this is what your piece is saying as well. I think darkness can be quite overwhelming, and comfort in writing is always what helps.

[gentlekindness]

Yes writing can help. I also play guitar and sing. Sometimesvwriting sings helps but other times it seems to make it worse.

Thank you so much for reading💕💃🌺

[Cherry]

The word distraction which you mentioned was in my thoughts while reading your words. It is the darkness and the quiet which seems to nudge the mind into fright when someone suffers from the illness and depression you write about. I hope better thoughts can find a way into your nightly ruminations.

[gentlekindness]

Yes you are right about silence being overwhelming. I have tried recently to sleep with a youtube binural beats or tibetian singing bowls. They can help to calm for sleep and distract too many obsessive thoughts.
Thank you for your kindness and thoughtful words.
Annie💕💙💃💃

[alifeacoustic]

Beautifully penned. An intensely private and personal feeling, exposed for the world to see, takes courage. I know well the darkness that can envelop from within and you capture it here brilliantly with the underlying feeling of keeping busy, but always aware of the knowledge it is there, lurking and ready to strike at any time. Those long cold nights of the soul know no end.

[gentlekindness]

Thank you for sharing your feelings about my writing. Your comment is appreciated. Looking forward to more reading and sharing ,
Annie 💕🌹💃🎶