Betraying Myself

Betraying Myself

I wake up every day mad at myself - forever saying good-bye,

Wishing I could go back and return to that day,

My first mistake was thinking I was admirable, doing the right thing,

But was I wrong - I should have never let my thoughts get turned around,

In weakness, I let my guard down - broke the heart and trust of the one I love.

Alone with my depression, I pushed away the one person who knew me the most,

With clouded judgement I could not hear her plea, could not hear her message,

Why, why did I do this - why did I hurt her, why did I cause her pain?

Was this worth hurting someone who meant so much? My answer is NO!

Drenched in a cold sweat I wake to the bitterness of regret,

My mistakes are the nails - the ones that are driven into my coffin,

The confusion in my mind pushes my sanity into a dark abyss,

I fall to my knees and beg the Lord for forgiveness - but there is no answer.

In the shadows of life, I begin to wither, I begin to fade, I choose not to live,

The inferiority, the hate, the doubt, whisper into my soul through poisoned lips,

It gets harder to keep it together, to keep the delayed tears from forming in my eyes,

I deal with the disgust, the suffocating burdens, the emptiness from betraying myself....

3/8/2018