A Love Story [THREE]

I was consciously staring at her as I pieced together ten different ways to ask her out and a hundred reasons why she would say no. I pulled my hood over my head and slumped on my desk again, eyes closed. What's the point? Even if she goes out with me, what difference would it make. I'd have successfully asked out the girl I love. The voice said reflexively. The girl I love. What does love have to do with going out for a movie and dinner? I wondered. It puzzled me how an hour or two in a cinema and a good meal would be equivalent to the raging, passionate feeling I was having.  

 

Tell her how you feel then.

 

But I knew that was ridiculous. If I were her, it would be very unpleasant to be confessed to. Confessions just don't work. Unless there's the off chance that she fancies me too. Maybe not as much as I do but it's something. Maybe it would feel better after all if I tell her how much I love her, but as I pictured her reading some kind of love poem with my signature on the bottom I just knew it wouldn't work. Everything was a dead end. I felt worse already just thinking about him. Besides, the voice continued, there's probably plenty of people who fancy her. I was just another one of them. Yet, something inside me just knew I was different. I really, really, really loved her.

 

I shook my head and imagined me with a bouquet of flowers and a nice suit, holding a box with a ring on one knee. No, no. Cheesy. I told myself. I imagined that she was standing in front of me, her friends giggling away in a corner, quickly fading away. "What was it you wanted to tell me?" She'd ask, uneasily. "I...I just wanted to know.....if.." I'd stammer. Will you go out with me? Am I good looking enough for you? Do you like that guy that plays the guitar? Do you know how pretty you look in that dress? Do you know how much I love you? Do you... "Do you love me?" I'd ask, instantly regretting the words that have come out of my mouth. I should've asked her if she'd go out with me, it's less awkward. Or maybe ask if she likes that guitar guy, it's perfectly normal for a best friend to ask who she likes... Or I could have at least complimented her, flirt a bit... But I knew I couldn't flir....

 

"Yes."

 

What?

 

"Huh?"

 

It was not the answer I had been expecting.

 

"Really?" The word slipped out of my lips automatically, I knew it was the cheesiest thing I had ever said, then suddenly she giggled, nodding.

 

A smile spread wide across me, I smiled with my entire body. She loves me? She loves me!

 

I took her hands in mine and started jumping in joy, completely conscious of how silly I look.

 

It was the best feeling in the world!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or it would have been.

 

Because that was not what happened.

 

I asked her one day, face to face.

 

She shook her head and walked away.