Unaddictied

take from it what you will....perception is the reality in which you chose to perceive...

Memories of what once was, they scroll thru my head like a slideshow. What comes after...what truely was before...do my memories cause me to think in these ways i been thinking...cant seam to make seince of them. To figure out what was and what should be. What i will put myself thru to find this out is damaging me in the process. How much can i endure? How much more is to come, where dose my breaking point begin? causing me to lose controll of all. thos so much is not in my hands, could i be trusted with it to be? How do i gain controll of myself and what i wantneed to survive? But impalsive decisions usally end badly. so why make them? But how do you live with what you chose to go without. A drug you have become so imune to it hurts when taken away, yet still you are angry cause of the addicition, becase you are addicted. How do you break it off? cold trukey is painful at most, but is that the way  to go? what if its out of your controll? the drug is no longer avaliable to you. How can you slowly get off it when you have no controll? Again i ask can i be trusted to so it myself? when slowly coming off it may olny lead to prolonged use of the drup? But a question to ponder is do i stay addicted, or break free, the toughest question of all that is. So hard to break, so easy to fall back, but what is best? How do i know? Time is running out, and i might die, not knowing what to do, which way to turn, How to end it or how to stay on it. Not sure either way, making my decisions unthinkable, unanswerable, unsure, undecided. So here i stand, drug but cut off but hurting myself to use it. to get it into my system, to stay addicted, Why am i killing myself? How is this drug killing me, not noticicng im strung out., killing myself trying to keep away, yet trying to use at the same time. it dosent work like that, and even i konow this fact. So why cant i pull away, fully away. i can still taste this drug, grab it and stab it thru my heart, wishing the pain would stop, tho it wont. It will never be like that first high, even the first few months of using, it cannot be that. When damage began, the drug nearly killed me, yet i find myself still wanting ths dam drug. Why? How? will it stop? will it grow? will it just kill me in the end of all this? Will i allow it to? its so hard not to, F**K, i am addicted and theres no way aroumd that, i feel myself dieing, yet i cannot pull away. im hooked, im fucked, im watching myself die and cannot do anything to stop it. my soul burns for this drug, tho my mind tells me no, tells me to stop, tells me to quit. How can you fight off what is luring itself to you??? How do you become....unaddicted???

Reviews

[mylifeasagay]

I can't agree more with this piece, becoming addicted to a "drug" is something no one can truly love because of the pain that comes along with it. Something so sweet can turn into a deadly venom with no mercy. Nice piece :)