I Don't Want You to Stay

Why won't she look at me?

Why is she ignoring my obvious plea

All I wanted was her love and affection

But all she was looking for was perfection.

Can't she understand that I want to be together?

For she is the only tether,

That will keep me sane

Because I will be in pain

If you say

I don't want you to stay...

Author's Note

Let me know what you think, thanks :)

Reviews

[....................]

Those are words no one in love wants to hear... I like how you switch from 'she' to 'you' in the last two lines...typically we'd want to continue to use 'she' in order to achieve coherence and unity but using 'you', I believe, makes the point more direct... that may or may not have been your intent but it works :) Nicely-done!

[GPR]

Thank you so much :D

[....................]

You are most kindly welcome :)

[Richard🖌]

Poignantly rendered, you've passionately expressed what no one in-love with another wants to feel or be subjected to.
In your penultimate line, the change of thinking "about" her to speaking "to" her is an interesting switch, but is reasonable to end the confrontation by addressing her directly, and you need to elucidate further what it is if she should say that would make you not want her to stay.
You are composing in the poetic forms of Rhyming Couplets, breaking the rules of this form, except the end rhymes.

Rules for Rhyming Couplets:
A pair of lines that have the same meter (syllable-counts), which share the same end rhyme, allowing them to flow comfortably, appealingly, and harmoniously.

I have really enjoyed this piece, and with a bit of attention, it could be made into a virtual little masterpiece … thank you for sharing another of your very nice efforts! 〜 Richard

[platinum]

lovely,i liked your style,dripping with emotions

[GPR]

Thank you :)

[platinum]

welcome,thks for ur comments

[Elodie Thompson]

It allows the reader to feel the plight of those who may have gone through the same emotion. It's very effective and has been written well.

[GPR]

Thank you :)

[Elodie Thompson]

No worries, it was a good read.

[dw817]

Love is ... well, I am reminded of Ralph The Dog from the Muppet Movie. What was it he said ?

♪ You can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em. There's something mysterious and eerie about 'em. We grin and we bear it 'cause the nights are so long. / Well I hope that something better comes along. ♪

Seriously, I've been dating more years than I can remember. Polar opposites really do attract. GPR, here's wishing you smooth sailing for the future in the companion compote.

[GPR]

Thank you :)