I'm. Not. Ready.

A day I dread is slowly approaching. Stalking me

day from day, moving up the squares of my calendar,

making sure I can not just let it slip past me.

It of course falls on a day, when everyone I know,

will be out of town. This has to be strategically planned.

Fate must be playing

a hilarious joke on me.

 

[Except its not funny at all.]

 

I am expecting nothing, I just

have to keep reminding myself, that

no matter what, no matter how much

I know it is going to suck.

 

I. Will. Not. Cry.

 

But that is not something I can promise to myself.

Because I know this day, I’ve lived it on

repeat for the past 18 years.

And I am scared. I’ll admit that much.

 

You said that strange things always happen here

when you leave, and that I should watch out.

I don’t know if you realized, but as soon as you

said it. I knew something terrible had to happen.

Because you just reinforced all of the other days

that have come before this one.

 

I am not ready to face this alone.

But I know I have to. Because there isn’t

anyone else.

 

My birthday is Saturday.

 

Reviews

[Dan Bullock]

A somewhat journalistic approach to the moment here, does it come from a niggling worry or from repetitive let down?

You know as well, every step you take by yourself makes you stronger. Even when you think it's the hardest thing in the world, the next time it comes around everything is more manageable. If you're tough enough, in the long run you'll be a much better/experienced person. :)

[Komichi]

This title caught my eyes because of the period with each word. You have a very deep insight and a linguistic way of expressing emotions. I like it.

[xlynne]

i don't understand how people can not not like birthdays. presents, cake, everybody celebrating you! you getting to do whatever you want, its awesome. but reading yoour poem, you described the feelings enough that i could try to see how you feel. its still a great poem, clearly spoken from your heart.

[The Tao of Bri]

Happy Birthday! I call them new years days now..this was a heart piece..one that really examines the self! good to do that and so welll!

[Michael Handel]

Nice....I like this one a lot! I know all about it, needless to say.
It's well written and I feel like I can picture the "void" that this piece came from. Good write!

[Luke]

This piece of work is amazing I had to force myself not to look at the bottom of the page.

[a]

My birthday is today. I'm sending you an early congratulations. I don't like my birthdays as well, though they usually aren't to bad (I guess ;) And I liked the poem, it expresses deep emotions, deep reflections of mind. Only thing I can suggest - a good way how to fight these thoughts - dress them into powerful, angry imagination, at least that helps me ;)

[Ananke]

This is good. I am always miserable around my birthday it seems. Happy Birthday anyway!

[Tangerine]

That was very, very good! Suspense was killing me, and I had to force myself not to scroll all the way down.

[Tim Lawless]

This is really good. By the end, the suspense was literally killing me.

And happy almost birthday. Try to enjoy it when it comes.