Sins

Sins of the flesh

Burn to bone

Skin neatly

folded on the floor.

You make me jump out

     of my skin

My pores cry tormented cries

For the smooth of

Your Touch

And the heat from

Your Kiss.

I'm enveloped by how you smell

My incense

two hearts

one beat

two fingertips

Sliding across each other's

Skin.

Oh, God, you're

where I'm captured, found, and free.

Come find me-

Make me yours again.

Reviews

[mattavelli]

That's steamy.
Your use of the word SMOOTH as apposed to smoothness, expresses the texture better for me.
In this line, "My pores cry tormented cries", I don't care for the repeat of CRY. It follows a repeat of SKIN.
In this line, "I'm enveloped by how you smell", I really like your wording. It has a "real" quality to it. This whole poem is free of any pomposity or arrogance. It's just hot and sexy. It's great!!!
Have fun

[poetic soul]

its steaming hot!
nice imagery.. good words!!

:) Regards,
Poetic soul

i liked it. but your imagery (in my eyes) is not all here. some of the things in it were not the best but forthe most part i agree with what mattavelli said.

It paints a very vivid picture.

Wow,

good write and use of words.

[Star-Runner]

This is just plain wonderful, I like this write alot.

[Celtic Cat]

Fabulous write!!!! This is so great. I was wondering how incense fit in with Sin....but you cleared that all up very nicely. Puts the writer right in the hot seat....what a wonderful place to be. Good write!!

[Aaron J. Wald]

Very steamy and Sexy. I like how you trail each line into eachother. You wrote this in such a way I could read. Most straight writers I can't actualy look at their stuff as sexy... but you hit it just right.

[Raef C. Boylan]

This is an excellent piece, apart from the repetitons as mentioned by Mattavelli below:

SKIN:
"Skin neatly
folded on the floor.
You make me jump out
of my skin"

CRY:
"My pores cry tormented cries"

Other than that, I thought it was a really good poem; your narrative is believable and 'human' and instead of being long-winded, you've expressed your sentiments in a short verse that captures the atmosphere, using a mixture of skilful technique and simplistic language.
The capitalisation works well to place emphasis on certain words.

Good work; i enjoyed reading this.

[J. Hampton]

Some fab...and impacting wordage.
yes..."self" ...aka the flesh and serving self....is a burning driving force.

we have to almost cast it off and "fold it up n' put it aside....
so the spiritual can be served.

steamy...

Blesssssssssss