Twenty Three

My birthday poem, of course I had to write one!

Picked guitar strings carry me a mundane muse,

this new berth I teach myself.

I smile, twenty three breezy years later,

only after I write three of poetry.

 

But were they any worth to me?

The 6 a.m. mushroomed mornings and echoed highways,

the arenous cliff hung over the sky’s impressed mirror on lake Austin,

the 360 bridge, the blinked red radio lights and the downtown skyline.

 

At sixteen (and twelve) I wished I were taller.

I am, nine inches higher,

almost to an average six,

but the longing never left,

 

and the digested knife still grinds the time and cuts,

as I slump in my arch, this chair, to read, write and discuss,

my purpose, while each second ticks away

by my head’s broken watch, made in American culture.

 

I count moments, as slowly as an hour passes, through glass,

a painful second can be near three days.

I’m to twenty three years and later,

still waiting for the one to tick.

 

Author's Note

There's a good chance I will go back and make some chages, so any suggestions/interpretations you make would be helpful. Thanks!

--

Just made my first revisions, but still open to suggestions. Thanks for the input.

Reviews

[Vince]

Nothing I can think of changing right now. In the last stanza, I'd use "hourglass" as one word. If it were me, I probably wouldn't capitalize "THE ONE" either. I think the poem ends a lot tighter on that note!

and happy birthday, make it a good one! Jimmy Eat World has this great song called "23"

[Alicia Isabella Lane]

Wow ... this is just stunning; I'm still trying to catch my breath. You never cease to amaze me with your awesome talent. Very original from your usual style (at least to me), yet just as brilliantly executed. Well Done!!!

[Kristin Brecoe]

wow. I really liked this. It also let me learn a little more about you.
To me the meaning behind the poem is laid out in front of me, very simple to comprehend, but I may be wrong.
The imagery is amazing! It is truly my favorite part!

but, i got confused...
only after I write three of poetry.

please explain?

-kristin

[TL Boehm]

wow. I'm feeling ancient. I am almost twice twenty three - yet the poem is resonant.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

this was basically fascinating. after reading quite a few of your pieces, this was very very different for you. and i enjoyed it.

not sure how i would interpret it - nothing really jumped out at me as an interpretation, i just sort of felt it. it felt.... mature, and a bit sad/regretful. but a perserverence was there, too... to continue.

and not to stop writing ! :)

hugs. happy 23, whenever ... that was. i'm 23! lol i just realized that LOLOL

[J.P. Bristow]

Its funny how a person of any age can relate to this....I myself am turning 31 soon and it never ceases to amaze me---how little I know....how little I understand. But it is comforting to know we are all in the same boat.....perhaps with different oars????.....lol :)

[Natasha Ashway]

'Twenty Three.' A mind chatters over life matters.
I read through your words like lines on a palm. It's intriguing.
Your pictures represent emotions, words point out landmarks in the random snapshots of younger years.
I feel trace nostalgia. Your primary emotions are concerned with wanting more from the present and future to come.
Now a new country to explore; Twenty Three.
Some disillusionment. Some loss. But prevalent, if testy, hope.
I think it's obvious I have enjoyed this.
Thanks for sharing!

[Kelly Scheppers]

I missed your birthday? : (

I can't see anything wrong with this, Travis! Perhaps, you're simply nailing them, one after the other!

My best,
[ with belated wishes! ]
Kelly

[BrightEyes]

there is a deep reflection here - very intense for your twenty-three years I'd say. As it stands now - I wouldn't change anything. taking a look back is often a hard thing to do - interpreting your life even harder - you've done both with lovely words here. Happy Belated Birthday - hope it was great!

laura

[No One Important]

Do not change a thing...very powerful words and the feeling of time and timelessness abound here...I loved this one it is going in my favorites!

[April Child]

Happy Burpday! A time to reflect as you have done poetically. 23 how lovely... I remember that... sigh... and now almost 43.... HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN!!??