truly male

i'm over due to give you all something. this is old. not that old but old enough.

let me tell you about dysphoria; how it makes you pull at your clothes and slouch your shoulders. how it makes you shake because of the fear of never being free of it. how you walk, head down and pray to god no one realizes your just a dumb girl with gender problems.

body dysphoria is not the worst; but imagine waking up in the wrong skin;the bug crawling feeling that makes you squirm; imagine looking in the mirror and feeling like you can't breath because of the image staring back at you; you with your curvy hips and feminine chest; your small frame and girly face; you will never be man enough; that is what this image says to you, give up now; you'll never fool anyone, silly girl.

the worst dysphoria has to come from biological gender. having to deal with the problems that females have to go through; how i pray that maybe this month it wont come; maybe this month my body will realize that this is wrong; that this shouldn't happen, men aren't supposed to deal with this; we are supposed to be horrified not for the reason of having to go through this, but for the fact that men don't understand it(i wish i didn't have to understand it). and then the mind numbing feeling that comes after that week, because i know that next month no matter how much i pray, it will come back; and the feelings of shame that come with that thought.

dysphoria isn't fun. it isn't something that i just complain about. its the feeling of being wrong and not normal, the feelings of being so filled with anxiety that i spent half my senior year sick to my stomach at even the thought of wearing a dress to prom because i was a girl and that what girls do. how even now in the mornings, i have to force myself to look away from the things that don't look right in my mind. so next time you want to tell me to suck it up, that real men don't show their feelings; i want you to read this and realize that you have never and will never feel this; because you, my dear friend, are truly male

Reviews

[therisa]

Braylin, I do understand, as I am coming from the opposite direction, you are. Knowing, however I try, my body will never be truly feminine, in experience life, the way, it should have, if I was born female. Even after, I have my SRS, I will never be fully female. For this, I would gladly trade my 5'"6 body with you. If only for a day of bliss.