dad

i want you to be proud. i have tried so hard to get to the place i am because i want you too look at me one day, your mouth curled into a half smile, and say yeah, that’s my kid. i want you to see me as the man i have always wanted to be and i want you to know that i am as strong as i am because of you pushing me to work harder, don’t give up. i don’t want you to see me as a failure that i feel i am know, not knowing how to look people in the eye for fear of them thinking i am nothing but a freak. i don’t want you to know that i feel like i am worthless and that i will never accomplish anything i want to do in my life. i’m scared to start being myself because what if you reject me. what if i come home and my voice is deep and husky and you say i don’t want you anymore? dad i’m afraid to be me because i’m afraid of you. afraid that i will lose you and i can’t handle seeing you turn your back and walk away from me. dad I’ve turned weak. i can’t use the bathroom outside my hall because i’m afraid of people knowing what i am. i can’t talk in my classes without having to strain my voice to go lower. i think about being an it to people . dad i have an irrational fear that one day i’m not going to be man enough for my girlfriend to stay with me. i need you. i need to learn how to be a man, to tell me that i am man enough to do everything i’m afraid to do and be whoever i want to be and that i am man enough to be loved by whoever i want to love. i need you to call me your son and i need you to tell me that you’ll love me, that i make you proud. i just want to make you proud

Reviews

[therisa]

Oh Braylin, you're more a male than most cismales are. And I know how important it is for us, to be accepted by our parents, whether it's male or female having been rejected by my own mom, as her daughter. Am hoping your dad will accept you, over time. Good luck Braylin.