WATER

You take me away
From thirst
Every drop
Is life

I need you forever
You are my water
That keeps me alive

Your love-
My life

Author's Note

Every drop...



For my collection...

Reviews

[Adam Adams]

I like the vivid-imagery you've come up with.
I re-read these lines: "You are my water.. that makes me alive" twice a time and came to know that if you replace the word "makes" with "keeps" then the line could express more what you wanted to.
e.g "You are my water... that "Keeps" me alive". In case of "dream", you may use the word "make", but here your poetry's 'bout "water" then I think, the world "keep" looks good. However, "makes" ain't sound bad. It still looks good with the line. I enjoy reading your poetry.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you. I like reviewers like you who tries to improve my piece.
I think "keeps" is better than "makes". But I have used "keep" in the first line. Can you suggest a line that can replace "You keep me away" so that I can use the line "that keeps me alive"?

Hope you respond to this request. Thank you so much and God bless you!

[Adam Adams]

You're welcome.
Yea sure. You may use "take" in the place of "keep" so the line goes like this: "You take me away". I use "take" because, in love, the heart's left thirst - In The thirst of love so, if you use 'take', the first para of your poetry'll go like this:

"You take me away
from thirst
Every drop's life
that we discovered."

However, if add extra recipe to your poetry... then it'll go like this:

"You take me away
from thirst
Every drop's life.
We discovered."

"I need you forever
You keep me alive
You be my water - a savor
Your love - My life."

I added extra recipe only to make your poetry running good with flow. You may exclude my extra words. Your poetry's already read with flow & written with very deep thoughts. Liked the sense of love that you've pondered into your feelings/thoughts.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Okay, thanks. I really love the flow of my poem...just like the flow of water. LOL.

I will take your suggested line "You take me away" so that I can use "keep" in the second verse.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your response/help.
God bless!

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Nice poem for love forever. It's simple and deep.

[Jamestown]

Wonderful description of love and life, thanks for sharing, b-blessed!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you, James.

[Jamestown]

Of course, b-blessed!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

God bless you, too.

[Eddie Davis]

A very neat comparison of love to water. Short and elegant, well done, Dhaye and Happy Valentine's Day!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you!

[W R Stowe]

Amen and Christ is the Bread of life,but He gives us everlasting water where we will no longer thirst anymore.Short but extremely powerful poem well done.

Bill

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Your name is Bill? Nice name. I was calling you in your initials. Thank you, Bill.

[W R Stowe]

Your welcome Dhaye

[ANTO]

Its a lovely testament to love Dhaye - with the most basic of sentiments - I dont just love you, it says - I require you for life itself. Very powerful statements in such a small write.
I loved it. Thanks for sharing this. :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks for the compliment, Anto.