Burnt Offerings

Written after listening to a friend with troubles, I know there are two sides, but had a thread and went with it. If I hear the other side, I will be fair.

Burnt Offerings

 

I offered you my heart wrapped in soft white taffeta

Blood soaked ribbon to cut hormonal circulation

Quieting the flow of incredulous beating, arteries spewing

Put it in your pocket while you get your pedicure, brunch with the mayor

 

Look at me

 

I offered you my thoughts, you opened your pocketbook grudgingly

The brown of my eyes lacking conviction to show you

The tensile strength of my love unyielding, hot to the touch

Pathetic for exposing every crack in my chain mail emotions

 

Look at me

 

I offered you my virility in and out of the bedroom

You shrink wrapped it, vacuum sealed it and hid it in the deep freeze

Not taken out for company or a candle light dinner for two

Permafrost phallic projections, unearthed by aliens a hundred years from now

 

Look at me

 

I offered you my offspring, full of joyful temptation

A glance at the future of your fragile eco-system

Security in an old age home, someone to soothe your dementia

Seeing you off as your are returned to your rightful place beneath the cinder

 

Look at you….. you do every morning

Look at you…..your physical beauty unequivocal

Look at you…..so smug in your strappy sandals

Look at you…..because you won’t look at me.

 

Author's Note

just wanna share with you...thats all.

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

The thing this makes me think about is that yes, there are two sides to a relationship. Funny how we won't put any credence to a bad opinion of us from a spouse, or ex, and yet we think that our opinion of them is spot on. Perception is, reality. If someone persieves you in a particular way, especially a significant other who knows you better then you do, then, that is a probably as good a judgment of who you are as any.

If someone is in a relatioship thattt bad... get out, or shut the eff up lol.
Brutal yes, but seriously, if we're not going to do something about a particular situation, that close your pie hole and realize that you are just a slack eyed and silly suck up, who couldn't hit the side of a tit, with a cow and a barn... (I might have messed that last saying up!).

Good stuff So'West, got me tinkin... which isn't good, because now my ears hurt.

Dug this dude!
Keep up the good scribblin!
Antonio

[Poetic Beauty]

Unfortunately there are many smug stuck up women in this world that think they are better than those around them or whatever reason. Could be their looks could be their money. This poem has so many strong statements in that it is hard to pick on that I like the best. The last stanza really sums up this whole poem completely. Yearning for someone who think you are beneath them is a horrible or even if they want to be with you but act if they are ashamed of you is even worse. You have penned this thought well and have shown the world what it is like to be mistreated by one of those high and mighty types. Powerful and strong!

[.]

I know I shouldn't have, but it made me laugh! Not at him, at her..so smug in her strappy sandals...I think I went to school with her...God I really hated her..loved it, evoked so many memories.

[FlawedByDesign]

Almost a case of unrequited love. The passion has once burned but burns no longer. It comes across as a plea from the man, reminding her of the things hes done for her and planned to do, for the hope of getting her back.

I absolutely love the line, "Permafrost phallic projections, unearthed by aliens a hundred years from now" - she's hurt him so much that the pain he endured will last for hundreds of years past their existence...just wow!

Nicely done!

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

oh holy hell..

this is stunning. i can't even express the rush i feel from reading something so fantastic.

yes i have known many people like this - and have fallen prey to one or two in my time..but damn. you did the subject to a point where everyone else should just give up and move on to something else, the pinnacle has been reached..

[J.Black]

I almost... key word, almost, cried. The descriptive narrative gets me each and everytime. It's true- I'm a wuss. Too many emotions really gets the best of both people. Well done!

"Look at you…..because you won’t look at me." ... super.

[Mary]

very realistic its seems to me anyway i can identify with the poor b*****d jumping up and down over and over look at me i really like this

[A.Lee]

I love the repetition of this piece. It makes you feel like this isn't just a one time incident or a fleeting feeling. Its repetitive. "Look at you... because you won't look at me." Excellent finishing line. It sums the whole poem up in a few short words. Great job.

[Constance-Outspoken]

Oh, this is wonderfully descriptive, and tells a tale far beyond the words, though it's as open as a poem can be. I remember a time when someone started to become my world, and then I realized I wasn't even being seen as who or what I was. A hard and bitter realization.
Excellent work. :)

[Devons]

Reading between the lines, this, in a sense, is two-sided, since the speaker is clearly infatuated somewhat by the person he is describing. There is a sense of ambivalence about the opinions and language: that there is a love and hate understanding going on within the poem. He sees and seems to despise the negative elements of their character, picking each one out in turn, giving examples - but it is the lack of reciprocation for his otherwise positive efforts that provokes him into this line of personality dissection. Because this is a one-way attraction and it may not be obvious why there is any at all, since it is carelessly thrown aside or ignored. Above all it shows how someone can illogically desire another that has so many facets worth disliking. The paradox of love.
An interesting and somewhat enigmatic piece of work in the sense that it is not simple to evaluate in meaning: rather like its subject.