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While I'm sleeping, my shadow dances.

She creeps out from under me, cautiously at first, careful not to wake me.

Only when she is confident in her freedom does she begin to waltz over the flowers of my old wallpaper.

Hauntingly, she sings the songs that I have never been able to find the words for,

she sings of the things that I have been afraid to say.

In what I lack, she gains.

The manifestation of my doubts and fears, she is able to make them into something beautiful,

something fleeting but tangible.

Nothing less than graceful, she carelessly glides around the room,

flawlessly leaping and twirling.

Sympathetic of the flesh that weighs me down,

but also envious of my existence.

For she is just my shadow,

and if I'm lucky, I can catch her out of the corner of my eye,

slipping back into her rightful place,

forever condemned to be just that--

a shadow.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[IWRITE]

okay. i promise i'm a nice guy, but...

this does not read like poetry to me. instead, it reads as a paragraph... very matter-of-fact in place of poetry.

if i read it like that, it's not bad writing at all! it's a wonderful thought and idea about what could-be of a shadow when no one is there to see it. if no one is there to see a tree fall in the woods, does it make a sound? same thing with shadows. they only exist because you exist and are blocking the light! don't get me wrong, i understand that you're using your shadow as a metaphor for something much bigger. i'm not trying to be mister literal., i'm really not. all i mean is... this idea of your shadow having a mind of its own- i like it. it isn't necessarily a cliche. but the way that you have written it out comes off almost the way it would in a conversation. as if you're just describing it.

poetry readers want imagery. as a writer, its your job to paint a colorful, unique picture with the language that you know- this isn't a painting- its a blueprint for something bigger. something better. right now you're just an architect- but i need an artist- a painter that covers the canvas in something i have never seen before.

with that said- keep writing! you need to stretch your writing voices vocal cords! step outside of your comfort zone!

[Heather Hassell]

I absolutely appreciate the honesty! I definitely take what you said to heart, but in a good way. I plan on working more on the artsy fartsy side of my writing. (:

[Aethereal]

Yes, this Personified Shadow could be our Subconscious Mind who comes out to play once our Conscious Mind falls into deep slumber. Everyone's of two minds. At times, this Shadow has been called a Muse, or a Mystical Goddess, but in reality she's just a real part of us, one who pulls all the strings on our Conscious Mind without our Conscious Mind being aware of her. Though a subject of Myth in ancient times, and a subject of Psychology in modern times, she's a reality none-the-less.

[Melanie Genevieve]

Wow this is beautiful. I love the way this was written. The idea that theres this side to you that is hiding in your shadow. really cool! I really enjoyed this read! Keep it up!!