Valley of shadow and doubt

Playing with the ten-syllable word count again.

 

 

 

 

 

I saw thousands upon thousands of souls.

 

A guillotine was our only parole.

 

We were in line because of no way out.

 

"Lord your will shall be done!" we cry and shout.

 

In this hour we become martyrs and saints.

 

The weak of heart prayed, and then we would faint.

We shook

and whimpered

before we died.

 

Faithful believers, piled up like the tide.

 

The rapture came a day too late for us.

 

 

Being judged by a dark world made church-less.

 

One by one

large blades severed our voices.

 

I was here...

because of Godly choices.

 

 

 

Author's Note

I felt compelled to write about a dream I had a few months back. My subconscience is often plagued with religious fear that was often engrained into me as a child. I will confess to believing in God. But why do I fear? Perhaps that was the purpose of this vision "dream"....to shake me during a moment of doubt. I say vision because this is not the first...I doubt it will be the last....meaning it's nolonger a dream when it comes to past.

Reviews

[roarke]

dreams can be great structures for writes, if you can wrangle them. There's clarity in some form of mystical allegory, but not for the conscious wakening. As subconsciously inspired as this was, you've crafted it into a solid prose that serves to illustrate to it's readers.

[Wondering Mind]

Fear...the easiest form of mass control...And, they're still abusing it to the max.

[Muse]

fear mongering to control the masses...this is why they create order out of chaos my friend.

[quinfinn]

being pagan, i am always reluctant to comment on the religions of the world, because of my beliefs and how they conflict with the others. i see it as structure for living and guilt and fear driven, which offends my senses and makes me cringe. guillotine was an effective metaphor for the reward of blind faith, in my opinion. an awesome write, indeed.

[Muse]

How awesome of you to put biases to the side, and honestly share your perspective. Thank you!

[quinfinn]

always a pleasure, sincerely

[Androglossia]

A dream is a dream until which you deliberately influence the course of events.

I can sense death on every line of this piece. The fear of death and what comes after it. Can religion save us from the wrath of the most powerful? Common fear yet untamed. But how can we begin to guess where death and religion might lead us? Throughout history we’ve questioned if there is a life after death or is it only absolute nothingness. What we do when we leave the physical world will never be known with absolute certainty until our time comes. Until then we must take into consideration all the possibilities and choose the one that makes sense to us the most. Your mind is amazing and is untamed. So is this piece.

On this account, I have decided to post an excerpt of my poem from the reaper's view:

It was not their
hopelessness that
brought me here,
it was their incredulity
that which lashed
their weary souls
into triviality.

[Muse]

A dream is a dream until which you deliberately influence the course of events.

Interesting thought.....but if I had to choose between a heart-attack or the guillotine...well lol, I don't think I really have a hand in any of that.

[Androglossia]

Lol, we can only hope for a better option. Guess I'd go for death by nocturnal emission.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i was raised catholic...and yes, there seems to be that with our religion...a lot is based on mystery and fear...we aren't supposed to understand, we are just supposed to accept and believe...or else.

now i believe...in spirituality...but organized religion? to that i have doubts...and no longer do i fear.

but this is such a thoughtful write...and quite compelling that you could put such intensity into such a rigid form... the ten syllables a line...that is poetic talent.

[Muse]

thank you for supporting and understanding my vision Jacob.

[Baby Ricochet]

Great poetic story. I got the image in my head of the blade coming down and everything. The last line added to the creepy effect. Outstanding Muse

[Muse]

This is the first writing in a long time...that I was bashful about sharing.

[Frieda P]

As a good old Catholic girl, this cut me in half, then came around again to rip out my guts...wooo! Holy, holy, this one gets kudos for slapping one upside the head, hard!

[Muse]

Please don't take this as a "smart-a*s" question. Do Catholics believe in the Rapture...the martyrs and saints? Truly...I am curious.

[Frieda P]

Yes, we're supposed to anyway...not smart a*s at all, who can understand any of this fully to be honest....

[Muse]

I was thumped in the head with a bible during most of my childhood...yet..I could never read the bible from start to finish. I do believe that God's word was inspired by godly men. But I also believe that because of man...so much of scripture has been misused...misconstrued. Thank you for responding so honestly.

[Frieda P]

You're welcome, my faith has been shredded to bits, especially since the loss of my sister, I don't have a clue what I believe anymore to be quite frank. My pleasure Muse, always a raw and emotional read from you...

[Muse]

Pay closer attention to your dreams. I think we dream to speak to our own subconscience thoughts. Your faith did not leave you...it may have changed...but it did not leave you sweetie.

[Frieda P]

That's a whole different discussion, only time I dream is a nightmare, perhaps explains my insomnia. Thanks for your kind words hun...

[Muse]

I have nightmares too...they inspire my best writes. Not proud of it...but I have learned to accept it.

[Frieda P]

I'd have to say the same, they always end up here in one way or another...

[Muse]

My poem Death's Momento Mori was inspired by a nightmare of mine...I had this nightmare as a teenager...yes there is some religious overtones to it.....I dreamed I had a choice to sign a contract with the devil...I think my parents and their religious upbringing scarred me for life! lol

[Frieda P]

Not sure I should read that one at the moment with my mindset, I don't think you're scarred, just deep!

[Frieda P]

Send me RR for that one, can't find it even with Search...if you don't mind.

[Muse]

and now I bare the guilt of not going to church at all. F**k it...I will always feel guilty no matter what I do.

[Frieda P]

Please, don't even get me started on 'church'...biggest corporation rip off...ha, tha's whole other ballgame, has little to do with religious beliefs.

[David Scott]

I felt the poetry was not a ... Fluid?... As much as some of your work. The theme matched the more ridged structure of this write. Yes, there is a price to pay. I know for a fact that we must be willing to be "cut in half" to live a life of honor and value. It is not a price that one would relish. Still, it is not even a question to live any other way.
I think the "cry and shout" come from those private conversation's with our God and with ourselves. When the blade hangs above the head, the soul will be at peace with the choices made when those choices are indeed, "Godly". History has proven this so...
You see the past and you see the future in these visions... Be sure to look beyond to the infinite beginning and the eternal future.
I like that you had the courage to share this.

[Muse]

not as fluid...it won't be if you try to read it with a beat. The ten syllable count I discovered reads more like a person talking. I have come to like it. I used this technique in Naphtha Burning.

Courage? Ha...I really don't care if people think I'm brainwashed or crazy. This vision stirred something in me....so I felt compelled to write about it. And I thank you and Pat for supporting me.

[David Scott]

I liked the write. I agree about the meter. This form felt better for the topic to me. Still, it is a departure from your writes that seems to melt into me as I read them. I could tell you were "thinking" about this write more than "feeling" it. That us ok if it is even on target. You never disappoint either way. Your my friend, and I will always support you. Your writing stands on it's own and I will only be honest about how I see it and how it affects me. To date, both ROCK!

[The Analog Kid]

I found it interesting how the weak of heart prayed. The way I read that is that their faith was weak, and so they did some last minute cramming in prayer, where the martyrs just took it. How many of us would be like Daniel in the lion's den?

[Muse]

I guess in my vision...my biggest fear was if my family would stand with me.

[The Analog Kid]

I didn't think of that but yeah imagine your innocent kids standing there. Really thoughtful poem.

[Muse]

The vision still sickens me. The believers will understand me...the unbelievers will laugh at me. The athiest won't "get it"....but I guess in the end....it boils down to:


Do we really have what it takes...to stand up for what we believe in? Even if it means losing your life and/or family?

[The Analog Kid]

Very valid statement and honestly I don't know. Definitely make one pause and that is what great poetry does.