Pyre

 

 

 

Requiems of my soul pirouette in your eyes

An untamed desire on elegant lips.

Sinful thoughts promise a spark to the fire

That silently whisper a longing for pyre.

Eruptions so icy on fiery skin.

Lust denotes sin, it drives itself in.

Like the rush of the blood, the chill of the fever,

I'll be the giver if you're the receiver.

Reviews

[Marc Mccune]

The anticipation of love and pleasure.
Oh and when the fire breaks out.
I liked the content and the thought portrayed in this piece.

the writing: the first two lines start out as a prose poem.
But from line 3 to the end, you use a very good rhyme. I don't know if this unusual structure was on purpose or not. As far as the rhyming lines go, I really liked them. I usually don't like rhymes...and that is because usually in pieces I find in Writers Cafe, people who try to rhyme don't really know how, and they really mess things up...usually by breaking the fine meter of the poem by trying to force lines to rhyme...or by picking words that do not really rhyme.
But use of the rhyme was good and I like it.

[- - - - - - - - > -] Likemeter�

[Poeticpiers]

A very mature poem The unrhymed opening couplet spoilt the flow for me but then I am an unregenerate rhymster
What has age to do with writing ability is what counts and that you demonstrate no doubt you will improve with not so much age as practice ivor aka poeticpiers

[Dr Weirdballs]

"Eruptions so icy on fiery skin." - excellent - This line makes it great. I feel that the unrhymed second line actually makes it more realistically passionate, as though you weren't trying but simply writing. The end is a little nursery rhyme-ish. Good stuff.
-Doc

[Armon Badill]

This is smoldering with desire...
i really like the way you mix fire and ice, heat and cold in the same lines...
then giver, receiver...
this is very elegant indeed...
nicely written!

[Jinx]

First, I'll have to fly with Eagle on this because I also see something dark here... It's the word "pyre" in and of itself... denotes death and so on.

Your rhyming is good, except for the 2nd line, which throws it off. And I'm not sure I really like the last line. It doesn't sit well with me.

Aside from all that, it is very beautiful. You have captured something here. =)

[Aaron Morris]

oooh
very good, i luv it holly! short n beautiful.

[Gary H]

Holly, I'm a born again virgin, wishing I could recreate the feelings you have written but knowing full well, that those times have passed.
Very well put together and impactful. Thanks for sharing.

[[untitled]]

This one goes straight to the favorites section of my library Holly .A very powerful piece indeed. The detail and imagery that is jampacked into so short a poem makes the piece epic.

[Griznard]

Really good poem Holly. I thought it was pretty well written and it had a good image. I also like the idea behind the words. Great job.

Griz

[Memnoch]

This was great Holly! I hear where your comming from on this. The heat is there but you know there is time for everything in this life. Thanks for sharring.
Kelley Frost