A disconnected mind

A quickie done on my luch break, was feeling a bit confused because my medication and kept forgeting what i was doing lol

A disconnected mind

Mind like a spider web;

twisted from wind and rain,

some threads now aren't 

connecting - will it ever be

fixed again?

Travelling thoughts get...

                                               misdirected..

take a different pill....

                                  trying to get corrected...

Need things to slow,

they're moving so fast;

the information coming in

is never going to last!

my memories will keep 

dripping away, like rain down

a web - stealing my thoughts - 

right out of my head.

Author's Note

all comments and criticisms welcome :)

Reviews

[Autonomous]

Hello Hcarson, it's been a while! This is really good. I can't relate to your need to take pills but I definitely know what it feels like to suddenly be in a state of confusion or even forget what I was supposed to do. Good luck and keep up the Great work.

[hcarson]

The need to take pills is the thing now isnt it, everything can be fixed with one according to doctors, thanks for the lovely review, much appreciated 😀

[payalspeaks]

the relation between a web and the mind is very connecting and i am captured by the image of this poem xoxo

[hcarson]

thank you, iam glad it managed to catch your imagination , thank you for reading and commenting, always appreciated :)

[mou]

wow..every line somehow throw a question!
brain is the most complex part and even we , individual are not completely known by its intention..
it is quite different and I love it

[hcarson]

thank you so much mou, the brain is an amazing thing for sure, thank you for your lovely comments :)

[James B Wells]

Wow, the rhythm you establish here is excellent, especially the sudden shift at the middle bit which enforces the element of disconnect. Absolutely love the line about correcting it with a pill, which adds an eerie and intriguing meaning to the writing. I think the ending loses some of that enchantment, though. Such a catchy and engrossing poem deserves a send off that is equally hypnotic and leaves the reader in awe. It's a tall order, but I think you can do it...if you put your jumbled mind to it (:

[hcarson]

i agree about t he ending..i reread it lastnight and could feel off with it, i will rerlook at this later i think and try to fix it...if i remember haha ;)...thank you so much for the lovely review and reading, i really appreciate it :)

[James B Wells]

No problem :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like this...it can relate to what you said...but on a larger scale...sort of like Dickinson's "i felt a funeral in my brain" we can also see that total disconnect gradually happening...senility, Alzheimers---where the person understands what is going on, realizes he or she is losing it...aware of becoming unaware.
so sad...

[hcarson]

thank you jacob, i agree...alzheimers etc is so sad, i have worked with people that suffer with it and to see who they were and the person this makes them is so sad...and scary really..thank you so much for reading and your lovely review, very much appreciated, as always

[V]

I think you have mentioned that quite often, the confusion and you keeping on forgetting things due to your medication and actually I feel almost a tad worried about this/your state...
Other than that I like your metaphors, your nicely rhyming lines and the images your words create. I enjoyed reading this one, sometimes the spontaneous not so much thought over writes turn out to be really good ones ;)

[hcarson]

had an extra long dinner after a lesson where i kept putting the same liquids into a test tube instead of different liquids..i would throw them away and go back and do exactly the same thing again haha...totally drove me crazy! im seing a doctor about it so hopefully get better soon :) thank you for review, much appreciated :)

[V]

You're welcome. I think you should have that checked out, it influences your daily life negatively...

[Caycie carson]

I like how u use a spider and its web as an example of how you can feel sometimes , I don't normally like poems but I likes this one :) xxxx

[hcarson]

aww thank you caycie :) xxxx

[Bacchus]

i wish our minds would spin really like a spider-
slow, rationally making something into a miracle of a creation...
slow, purposeful...

and yet it gets sticky-
too out of control-
not in sink with nature-

we do need that slowing pill- when all we can see is our palace of a head and home ruined
until it slows us enough to see
we can start again...

and be back in tune once again...

[hcarson]

yep..thats how it is sometimes...just noise because the rest of the point has disappeared somewhere..waiting to pop into my head at 3 in the morning and have me shout some random recovered memory at myself haha..thanks for reading and comment :)

[Inject Positivity]

What a weapon we have, by which we can create great things and destroy things too... Human mind is very complex, it keeps takes so many thoughts in a single moment but hardly able to remember all of them... I know how terrible it feels when you have so many things to do and in that moment you find that you can't remember what are things that you are supposed to do...

I loved how you put intensity in this poem, it may be a quickie but it holds some truth, and I find myself sometimes in that situation too... Well constructed piece Helen... Love it...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[hcarson]

thank you Dhiman..think we all have those days or just blank moments where we cant think what on earth we are supposed to be doing...best get used to it as we all get older haha..part of live..another fun experience to try and work around. thank you for your kind words, they are much appreiated :)

[Inject Positivity]

You are still young enough Helen my frnd...

[Obscured by the Shadows]

This poem is so eloquently written... The web representing the mind is a very good use of imagery, it allows us to picture exactly what you are trying to get across. It is a beautiful poem, but also full of melancholy, so sad. Truly, I wish nothing more than to have a clear mind, not a broken and misdirected one. I enjoy how you moved those to lines to the right, it gave us a bigger emphasize on them and their true meaning.

All in all, well done, full ratings.

[hcarson]

thank you so much shadow, i really appreciate your review. the mind is a precious thing..without it what are we..it is so annoying when it won't work reight and gets so tangled up in what seems gibberish at the time but in reality is something very simple that your brain just won't accept lol. once ahain, your review is very appreciated :)

[Obscured by the Shadows]

My pleasure :)