Sept 29

I don't remember this night being so cold.
I remember it being long,
It was once an endless creeping dream 
Where I knew the only think to wake me
Would be another nightmare.

I remember it being quiet, and still, 
with the world buzzing either side of it.

I remember not recalling it, 
and waking up in strange places, 
with strange half-memories and bruises.

I remember sipping at it, trying not to overindulge in thick oozy shadows,
hating the taste in my mouth, 
telling myself it will be pleasant in time.

I remember it being lonely. 
I remember being so far away, 
and it still followed me there. 
I remember feeling defeated, 
that I would never escape.

I remember being humoured, 
with brief looks and quick toasts, 
words that said little and meant less. 
The heaviest words shared were from two friends I hadn't seen in years who had just joined the club.

But I don't remember it being so cold.
So f*****g cold.

Author's Note

"You don't get over it, it doesn't end, you just learn to live with it."