A Vibrant Jar

On the passing of my father

There was a time long before
you ever knew of me, but I
have never known time without you.

My mind is so filled with snippets
of images and sharp emotion there seems
little that I can do with them.

The tsunami of my grief is so great it
creates a sandstorm of color that swirls
around me and burns my eyes.

Tears cannot clean away the moments
nor can they glue each ragged piece
into its proper place.

It is the time I've lost I seek,
so when the eye of the storm passes
I shall drop one mottled pebble into a clear simple jar,

and there it shall stay and await the others.

Before I release each pebble I shall roll it in between
my fingers to feel its textures, its heat and
coolness attempting to fully understand its depth.

Eventually it will settle into its own jeweled memory
that belongs only to us, and I shall press the jar closed
tightly before the next wave of grief bears down on me.

And when it has passed I will sit with the sun on my
face and remember your touch, your smell, the timbre
of your voice and the sight of you as only I saw

and then I will add another pebble.

I will repeat this ritual for the rest of my days
counting each moment of love that passed between us
held tightly and kept warm within a vibrant jar of memories.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

heart breaking ... obviously very personal ... so sorry for your pain .. :( it is not easy and can take a lifetime to heal ... great job .... the acceptance in rolling each pebble ... some of us never get to that point and remain stuck ... i will take the lesson of this jar with me ... much wisdom in its use ... brilliant...simply brilliant....E.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much for your comment and for reading.

[Jack...]

What a beautiful thought, your words bring the greif front and center and I only hope that as the jar fills, the grief lessens and your smile returns to its full beauty. Very sad Anne, but beautiful all the same.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Jack, yes I am very sad.

[Pete Langley]

Those beautiful recollections mean we are never without our parents....they live on with us. A beautiful poem, Blue. P.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Pete.

[DCT ponderings]

This is so beautiful. My family has a tradition of beach combing for Agates, our pebbles I'd say. I can find one without my Grandmother coming into my head.

[icelandicblue]

That sounds lovely. Thank you for sharing.

[rhythm&blues]

Touching, sometimes rituals such as this get us through the extremely difficult times.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is just beautiful...the idea of a parent having lived before us, with us and then sharing the end of their life, but still remembering. Such a tragically sad longing and yearning in this one, but also a hope that we can keep alive in "vibrant jars of memory". Nicely done!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you again for commenting so eloquently.

[redflutterby]

Oh sweetie this just made me weep...truly I'm a mess!! What a beautiful tribute to your father. He would be proud I'm sure. Much luv to you...

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Red. You are so kind and supportive.

[Sami Khalil]

"Eventually it will settle into its own jeweled memory
that belongs only to us, and I shall press the jar closed
tightly before the next wave of grief bears down on me.

And when it has passed I will sit with the sun on my
face and remember your touch, your smell, the timbre
of your voice and the sight of you as only I saw

and then I will add another pebble."
A great poem and tribute to a passing father. Well done and emotive...:)

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Sami.

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[emmajoy]

Writing with such amazing sensitivity and love, you do your father proud. ' And when it has passed I will sit with the sun on my ~ face and remember your touch, your smell, the timbre ~ of your voice and the sight of you as only I saw ~ and then i will add another pebble.' Such beautiful sadness.

[icelandicblue]

I appreciate that Emma Joy.