I Wrote Your Name

Dedicated to my father William Wallace

I scrawled your name in the Book of the Dead yesterday,
All Souls Day, my sobs echoed far beyond the sunlit altar
as the pine trees outside softly whispered sorrow,
and stiff religious icons watched me with brooding eyes.

I wrote your beautiful name with an ordinary pen,
a tool unworthy for such an important act.
Ink fed spaces in my being filled with emptiness.
I was alone with the black shadow of my sorrow.

Your name is now writ in the Book of the Dead
making you no more dead than you already are,
lying quietly beneath the sky and granite where
no amount of rain nor weeping shall awaken you.

So I came to you and told you what I had done
but you greeted me with a thick silence
and your stone was cold to my embrace,
for I know it matters not where your name lies

as long as it is etched in my heart for eternity,
even that is not long enough for me to forget the pain
of losing you and the joy of loving you.
Your name cannot be erased from my heart,
nor now, from the Book of the Dead.

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

So eloquently written, this poem of both tribute and grief. Every stanza called me to pause and wallow in your words - your words which describe my feelings... My tears are tears of mourning, yes, but also of gratitude that someone understands. This is an amazing and deeply felt piece, Blue. Thank you for sharing this.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you for understanding what I am feeling. It still feels very raw and yesterday was an emotional day for me. Wallow is the perfect word when one tries to sort out feelings such as these. Thank you for such a beautiful and supportive comment.

[Pryde Foltz]

as long as it is etched in my heart for eternity,
even that is not long enough for me to forget the pain
of losing you and the joy of loving you.
Your name cannot be erased from my heart,
nor now, from the Book of the Dead.

You love(d) and therein lies the solace. I know I am quoting from my own poem but in them I find expression for the tremendously deep love of this poem. Brava.

[icelandicblue]

I hear your words too Pryde. Thank you so much..

[Abdul Aziz]

This is the product of true grief, and more than that, true love. Very beautifully written. Your words in this poem need no adornment, for they are inclusive of everything in their simplicity. The repetition of the "Book of the Dead" lent this poem an echoing, haunting air. "not long enough for me to forget the pain of losing you and the joy of loving you", truly a line straight from the heart. Our loved ones do not die. They live on in us.

[icelandicblue]

I do believe that as well, that those we love live on through us. Thank you for your thoughtful words and for reading this poem.

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

Our hearts were not designed to accept separation. Sincere condolences on the loss of your dad. A very powerful write.

[icelandicblue]

That is so true Sharon and thank you for your comment.

[redflutterby]

Your grief is still so fresh Anne...I can only imagine what it took to write this. The truth in your lines makes my heart ache. The last stanza in particular is wrenching. One of your most poignant and deeply moving writes.

[icelandicblue]

It is so fresh Red and for me the rituals of it don't seem to help. Thank you for your thoughts and support.

[Angel]

It is always so hard when someone we love passes...but it is an inevitable part of life.
One day, someone will be writing our names in that Book...

[icelandicblue]

Inevitability doesn't seem to make it any less painful when it happens. I've had my mother die slowly from cancer and my father die suddenly from a fall and no one way is any easier that I can tell you. Yes we will all be dust someday but only corporeally- as long as there is someone who loves and misses us we will live on with them. To be loved and remembered is to leave a part of yourself here on earth in a meaningful way.

[Angel]

My own Mom also died of cancer, and I lost my Dad to a heart attack. My son died a few years ago in a freak accident in the Arizona desert. So, I do know the horrible pain of losing a loved one, believe me.
My heart is with you...

[Diana]

Raises so many thought-provoking questions. I got chills reading this.

"So I came to you and told you what I had done/but you greeted me with a thick silence."- No discernible answer...so difficult.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you, it was a very sad moment for me and it's still very raw since I did this yesterday.

[Baby Ricochet]

Chilling and beautiful. Blue you are a true poet.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks BR- for your kindness and your compliment.

[Frieda P]

Had chills reading this, just seeing his photo is affecting. I'm sure this was a painfully aching write for you to pen, you own my tears in this moment Anne, for your loss and my own...I felt this one deeply.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Frieda for your unfailing support. It was difficult to write but I felt compelled to do so, for me and for him.

[Frieda P]

Always my sweet friend, always.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I am so sorry for your loss. Your words are cloaked with the tears your heart cannot weep.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you and you are so right my heart cannot weep the tears it wishes to.