Man And Beast/ Revised

For Steve and Bella

Your warm breath ripples sweetly across my face,

and although your jaws could rip out my throat I hold out my neck freely to you.

And you, my love, whose hands so filled with power caress my open face

even though those same hands could simply choke the very life from me.

 

But I fear you not, neither one of you,

You who comfort me in the dark abyss in which I lie thinking,

nuzzling me with your cold nose placed perfectly above

sharp fangs that lie dormant in your massive jaw.

 

And then, my love, you who stroke my hair

with the lightest touch from hands filled

with such gentleness and comfort, hands that know

each inch of me literally and figuratively,

 

and not once do I wonder what harm could possibly befall me,

for I know I am safe and cared for by each of you completely.
I hold your warmth along with mine and count myself lucky

to have both man and dog to adorn my life with such loyalty and trust.

You are my family, my solace, my peace, my protectors,
so I must give you all the love and dedication I can muster,
for without you, who might I be, but a woman without the comfort
of man and beast to soothe and tame my savaged soul.

Original

Your jaws could rip my throat out at any time,
your hands could squeeze the life from me should I displease you,
but I fear neither of you not, you two are those who give me
comfort when I am upset, one nuzzles me with her cold nose
just above her set of  massive and destructive and jaws,
and  you, you  stroke my hair with your deadly strong hands with
a lightness of touch, and not once do I wonder what harm could
possibly befall me.

Instead I hold your warmth along with mine and count myself
lucky to have both man and dog to accent and adorn my life with loyalty
and trust. You are my family, my solace, my peace and for those
qualities I give you all the love and dedication I can muster for
without you who might I be but a woman without the comfort
of man and beast to soothe and tame my savaged soul.

Author's Note

Thanks for helping to make this a better poem Robbie.

Reviews

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I feel that reviews generally should give you more of an idea than just a kindly pat on the back. Your last poem I reviewed seemed so complete that I couldn't see a darn thing to change. Perhaps this one is my chance to give suggestions that can be acted on...should you agree with me at all. Please don't take this as a major presumption, but as an experiment I am interested in seeing how I might really give my reflection of your poem for your consideration. This is not my normal thing to do, but I want to ask what you think of this:

Your jaws could rip my throat out
Your hands could choke the life from me
But I fear you not, neither one of you
You who comfort me when I'm upset
Nuzzling me with cold nose just above massive fangs
And you, who stroke my hair with hands of iron grip
This lightness of touch from deadly strong weapons
Not once do I wonder what harm could befall me

Instead, holding your warmth together with mine
I count myself lucky to have both man and dog
An accent to adorn my life with loyalty
Loyalty and trust
You are my family, my solace, my peace
And -for those qualities- I give you all
All the dedication and love I can muster
Without you, who might I be?
A woman without comfort
A ship without harbor
A soul without refuge
Of man and beast I find a home
Peace to soothe and tame my savaged soul

***

Okay, presumptuous, yes, but I am hoping you like it. I was an English tutor for a long time and I prided myself on being about to take people's essays apart and use their exact words to simply put the concepts together slightly differently but to a different effect. That is what I am trying to do here. I know you broke up the lines differently, but I tried to take your cadence and put the most central concepts at the beginning of each line. You may not like it, and I apologize if you don't! I thought this might be a good way to reflect back my ideas of how I can see your poem working though. I very much like it, and I like the juxtaposition of love and terror it creates!! It is true, and rarely acknowledged, the degree of danger our loved ones are capable of being to us, and yet we feel all the more at peace and protected and secure as a result, ironically. I like that statement and the way you made it. There were just some transitions here that were hard for me to understand like, "massive and destructive and jaws..." I thought it would be interesting to try and give you a complete alternate. I hope I am not presuming too much.

[icelandicblue]

You hardly presume too much. I'm not pleased with the format myself. This was more a stream of consciousness and does need work, especially in it's breaks. Usually I labor over a piece before I print it...you caught me i did not on this one. I will be sure to read your suggestions thoroughly and I will be making some changes. Some things I like at first glance, others I am not sure of because my poetic voice sounds lost. Thank you for your time, I know these types of things can be time consuming and thought provoking. It is not an easy task to try and get into someone's head and capture their thoughts, nuances and meaning. I will tackle this later today. Right now I do need coffee. Thanks again for the time and suggestions.I am always trying to improve.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I love that you are courageous enough to post poems you are not happy with or not finished with. I certainly have done that too...maybe more than people know. I hope they don't take my poems as done in all cases!! I don't know your poetic voice nearly as well as you do, so please only take those suggestions from me that work for you. I never would be insulted! I am just grateful if I can be of help in your finding your own voice on a piece better! Coffee is good. I am going to sleep a bit longer and then wake up late so I can stay up late...I am very proud of you for your desire to improve and your being honest and strong enough to post things that are not "done." This is a strong poem though, and worth your time. I already liked it. I just want to help if I can with your making it feel more like a polished thing you could show anyone. We are all among friends here I hope though. This is the place to expose the softer underbelly of some of your work. That is why I love this environment! Here is to personal development and artistic growth!!!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you, I just wrote this proofed it and posted it and it shows. I posted my "sloppy copy" as I tell my students and you could see that right away. Thanks again. I'll let you know when I clean her up and make her all shiny. ; )

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

YAY!! I look forward to it!!!

[icelandicblue]

Let me know what you think. Thanks again.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow~~~I mean, WOW!!! This is such a lovely poem now!!! I am so glad I could be a part of this!!! It totally works this way, and I love it!! I am complimented in the extreme that you did such a great job of transforming it and using some suggestions and really original thinking to bring out the best here!!! This is what I love about this site!!! We are all better for it!!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow. I really mean it. I think it shines.

[Frieda P]

It's apparent you find your strength and courage in the safety of these special relationships. I love how you wrapped them up in your warmth of words here Anne.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Frieda, sometimes trust is the most precious of commodities. Thanks again for your response.

[Frieda P]

I seriously didn't think you could improve on this but I was wrong, it was amazing to begin with but now it's got more polish and pizzazz, the same sentiment but perhaps a bit more eloquent for lack of a better word. You wield a mighty sword Anne.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you my sweet friend. Robby called me on it...I gave you the sloppy copy he helped me burnish the stone. Your support means a lot to me Frieda. Happy New Year!

[Rachelle]

To the love, fidelity and comfort you give to each other!

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much sweetbind it is appreciated.

[Baby Ricochet]

This is quite the dedication Blue. Steve and Bella must feel their good fortune indeed

[icelandicblue]

Thanks BR, I appreciate it. I trust them both with my life, I guess no more can be said.

[Rita L. Sev]

We put our lives in the hands (and paws) of others, and are made whole by the bond of trust. Blue, reading this was like looking into my own home. A strong tribute to the lives that enrich our own...

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Rita, it seems our trusting selves lie in our own salvation.

[The Hampstead Poet]

This poem is so striking, and really captures the trust and almost unfathomable but natural bond between woman and dog, woman and man, and how each animal comes to depend on one another totally. Very insightful!

[icelandicblue]

It's so true, the bond is binding and mutual. Thank you so much for reading and responding.

[Tom]

Indeed, to have dominion over such potentially destructive power is a comforting thought !

An imaginative poem, penned with gratitude and loving respect !

[icelandicblue]

I didn't think of it that way but you are right Tom!

[Pryde Foltz]

without you who might I be but a woman without the comfort
of man and beast to soothe and tame my savaged soul.

You are lucky goose. Wonderful write.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so very much Pryde. ; )

[Jack...]

To have those around that allow you to feel safe is absolutely wonderful Anne. You have introduced them to us in this beautiful poem and from me please tell them both I said thank you.

[icelandicblue]

I most certainly will Jack. Thank you.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

This is beautiful and has incredible depth within it... great piece!

[icelandicblue]

Thanks poetic heroics- trust makes us vulnerable but trust also makes us safe. I appreciate your comment very much.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

That it does and you expressed that we'll here. It's always a pleasure.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

awwwww sweet!

man and beast can be just as deadly but also just as loving.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you for that jacob...it made me smile.