A/Muse Me/You

could be broken into shorter lines, but I am not doing it

sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets, wet
alive revived new ways of blood-letting it all go, baby can you hear it?
I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses
courted, vied for like '(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players'
well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds
that just need a poke to explode heart for art's sake

tough oft rough traded woo pitching muses wanted to keep full
acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom

we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions
we know where they begin and we control their ends- grains of sand
in our heads, sometimes beds hoping for cultured pearls not just stains
mental quickies desiring to inspire should read the caveat lector line before they sign
there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around
of peeling back facades, blaring reflections of each other, virtually
all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don't reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

your tableau is waiting

Reviews

[JR]

Ilene, there's a huge difference, I think, between the poem that is born on the page, then refined to be spoken, and the poem that is born on the lips, then written down. This is of the latter category, and is just amazing. Oh, the ANGER, the rage! You have such a great sense of sound, "click click clicking," "rats tat tat," these descriptions hum and pop, they draw the reader in and echo in their heads, working backwards to the ear. So nicely done, and such an art.

As far as the intro lines go, they are very effective, especially with images like, "silver bullet stilettos," and, "current new ways of blood-letting," this all comes through the screen so clearly... and your reader takes notice.

I have nothing to suggest to improve this, Ilene, it comes at the reader fast and hard, and you don't need to be speaking for your voice to translate. It reads well the first time, so much the rant, and gives off more and more depth with each subsequent reading (I read it four times before the review, and will read it, uh, probably forty more times before I'm done). That's the Gift right there, in a nutshell...

[Maria Retz]

very well written

I love the click click clicking and rats tat tat, such a powerful energy in those few words put together.

The whole text is great.

Good job

[Goddess Sophia (filomen..]

the words cascaded, the fell into me...strong, powerful...had me in a dizzy spell...transfixed into your descriptives, metaphors and images.
"grains of sand in our heads..." I am going to just sit with this line and let it teach me...
I sit in complete wonderment....
AWESOME!!! I felt it....

[Crap!]

This is awesome, I loved every scond of it and man did it go fast! I take it this poem is about the cafe' lol This is my favorite so far. GREAT! It made me smile and introspect at the same time while the last line made me laugh.

[Being.john.sweet~The Ev..]

this was frenetic i loved the pace and the ending planted the story with a final hurrah! thank you so much for sharing this~john

[Bill Hancock]

Well, I can't say anything that hasn't already been said by the other reviewers.

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem and think it is absolutely wonderful.


~Bill

[ZeeArsonist]

as many have said before me, multiple reads-aloud only enable my interest to splinter off to weave enjoyment from all directions. at first i was a bit overwhelmed. i felt a whirlwind of great phrases but i didn't know where they were coming from or where i was going. the momentum is worthy and powerful. Once i submitted to that, i was owned. i'm convinced that this is one of the more honest, creative submissions i've seen in a while. you bring a style and confidnence of your own. i am most impressed and look forward reading more of your work.

[Amber]

I love the way this speaks... great flow and rhythm.

[Roguepoet]

Well I'll be... this is nothing short of phenomenal!

[Jonathan Skaggs]

Me likey

[Ebby]

First time, I read it in my head.
Next, I read it quietly, flowing.
Lastly I read it in a more staccato way.

This is fantastic on so many levels. Your trios of rhyme inhance the words that follow.
Is it possible that you are the new Dylan Thomas?
Beautiful. Thank you for posting it for us to read.