Fighting Fate

(no description, read, find out yourself..)

I didn't think caring about someone would hurt...

I didn't think jumping into a relationship with a friend that I only liked a little

Would work

As my emotions piled up high

I became scared to fly

But I took my chances and leaped anyway

 

I was hesitant in the beginning because I knew it would hurt

You don't play in the mud and not expect to get covered with dirt

I'm too sensitive...

I know that.

Which is why I've forced myself to NEVER EVER cry

Over some guy that I liked...

Until now

 

I'm crying now

Over you...

Even though there's nothing that I can do...

My family needs to move...

 

Why are you so important?

Why do you deserve my tears?

How are you different from the other guys

From the past years..

You're my 1st real boyfriend,

Sure,

I get that...

But why

Do I feel so much pain inside?

Why won't the tears I cry

STOP?

Once I start I can't turn them off...

 

According to your mom...

I'm not fit to be your girlfriend

I'm not pretty enough

To make a good impression...

It's alright, I guess...

I've always been just average

No one but my family has ever seriously called

Me

Beautiful

But they kinda have to you know

Family will be there

Forever..

Unlike somethings

 

I don't think I would have minded...

If she were talking about a different person

But she wasn't

She was talking about her and

To be honest...

I'm jealous of the relationship you have with her...

I think by now I see

You will never share what you share with her with me...

I know she's just your friend

But that's only now...

No matter how much you two deny it...

I can see it happening in the future

You and her...

 

I just hope that I'm waaaay over you

By the time that happens

If I'm not..

You won't be hearing from me for a while then...

 

Sometimes,

At night

I lie awake in bed, and I wonder

Is all of this worth having you?

A part of me says no

A part of me says yes

I never act on the no's....

So I suppose a majority of my brain says yes...

 

Sometimes,

I wonder...

Why can't the good times last longer than the bad

Sometimes,

I wish I could hide my emotions

So you couldn't see that I was sad

So you couldn't see that I'm jealous over a friend and there's nothing you can do

About that...

I know...

You don't have to do anything...

You don't have to act on my feelings...

I don't break up friendships...

So you couldn't see that I wish we had more time,

Because mine

Is slowly running out

I understand...you've got more important things to do...

More important people to call....

So you couldn't see that I'm not the girl who thinks of you as just a friend anymore

I care about you...

I get hurt when tell me things sometimes...

I'm happy with you (most times)

I need you to show me how you feel...

When you don't

I begin doubting that my feelings are real...

I want to hide them...

So you couldn't see that I think I might

Love you....

As crazy as that may be...

I think I love you,

But it's too late you see...

Telling you

Absolutely WON'T change anything...

Nothing,

None of what I listed above will change

 

I'm still moving

It still hurts like Hell

We could try long distance...

But do you think we would make it?

I don't know if I could take it...

Not seeing you for months on end

Not talking to you for weeks at a time...

What a perfect Romantic Tragedy

We've created...

Don't you think?

 

I'm a fool...

For a good while,

I thought we had that rare chance of growing up together then getting married...

I know it's silly...

I always knew that I could fall in love with you

I knew it from the beginning...

But now,

I think that maybe...

That chance is gone...

Fate doesn't want us to be together...

Lately,

It's been making things go not-so-great

And it's been raining on our dates...

Tell me

How do you fight Fate?