Your Loving Affection

Could it really be two years ago now?

Does it still surprise you I haven't changed?

I just can not forget about those days.

 

I never felt another's affection,

that wasn't prescribed to be expected,

but daring allowed your gentle carress,

which then and now still begs the questions,

dear, what did I do, who was I to win,

what feats did I accomplish to recieve,

the touch of those perfect pink velvet lips,

upon my coarse ugly body back then?

The glaring monster in the mirror's pool,

chants those blasphemies I allowed to pass,

in long nights when beauty came forth to meld,

with a freakshow in an act so cruel,

as to bind him forever to the void,

of imploding memories that only you,

could sate with a glance, with a single word,

of affection.  You give me neither now.

I look within at the point blank reason.

You saw my vomitous soul lurking there.

 

In premonition I started to cry.

I wish I could have answered the question.

I wish I could have explained to you why.

Is it worth knowing how affection feels?

What does a momentary respite yield,

if it only propels me deeper through hell.

I recall those times we talked toward the end.

Why did you tell me you weren't evil?

Were you just trying to convince yourself?

So was it worth it?  Was it worth feeling?

If I see you again should I thank you,

for showing me that my heart is starving?

Should I thank the gods for exalting me,

above those animals free from suffering,

the shameful disgrace of abandonment?

 

In the new world of primitive barbies,

in modern days of meth smoking junkies,

in all ways of society's functions,

this lone man traverses the destruction,

love and affection wrought on his person.

 

This dagger piercing my heart misses you,

and the way you twisted it with a kiss.

My heart itself can't completely hate you,

for letting it drift through this hell amiss.

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at free verse. Since it is free verse, don't give advice on how it could be more free.

Reviews

[Lily1111]

Well if this is your first attempt at free verse I would say you aced it and I will look to you as an example when I find the courage to write more than that one that is only two lines long. LOL

The thing I am figuring out about free verse is that you can just think out loud, bare your soul, if you will. Maybe that is what makes it so scary. I thought there were so many elements of emotion in what you wrote. Conflicting emotions and not really confusion, but more I guess I want to say regret at the outcome.

But you are wrong you know when you said "I never felt another's affection,that wasn't prescribed to be expected," You have my undying affection and I bet you didn't see that coming! LOL

Keep writing in free verse, you are a natural. Much better than a lot of what I have read. You connect with your words and to me, that is what it is all about, the connection, the stirring of emotion.

:)

[Brianna Brie]

Ouch...your words finished me off tis morning. Full of such raw emotion. One of the best I read and felt in a while.