Hidden In Summer Mind

Hidden In Summer Mind

A Poem by chloe

Watchin' the world go by

Brood in the deep
A need to fly free
Lost with the birds
Delicious ambiguity
A reckless driver
Restless sleeper
Hidden in mind
Away from the weepers
Time is dissolved
The wasted days
Its not a waste, I pray
Soul beam the way
The dreamers in 
Fused  the light 
A worth we see
Sundown, we're alive
Unlike the vision
Heard the flock of youth
Only two are clever
Speak for a virtue
Blast your wits
Break your step
Shot with the words
We have well kept
Quit before you break
Rest before you sweat
Leisure is empty
No chance to be best
Contradict all speech
Dignify a way
Never been yourself
Trapped inside day
Geared, engineered
Appear, built apart
Fly alone in space
Indestructible heart 
Picky,  can't choose
What I want, not mine
Perception so untrue
Spent in the wrong time
A ramble to the moon
A wish in the dark
Release the bad
As I follow the stars

© 2011 chloe

Author's Note

let me know what you think. honest opinions. love you.

My Review

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What I enjoy:

1) "Sundown, we're alive" Hits the reader with a subtle surprise
2) "Dignify a way" A wonderful, unique phrase
3) "Never been yourself/Trapped inside day" A great concept

What could change:

1) "Hidden in mind" To me, this line is a little dry
2) "Soul beam the way" The word "beam" could be improved upon to make it more unique
3) "Fused the light" In addition to the extra space between "Fused" and "the" :) I think you can search for an even better word usage instead of "fuse"

Posted 12 Years Ago

I really like this poem a lot. Each stanza has a really good feel that keeps the story moving. Its very deep and moving. Good write

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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2 Reviews
Added on August 9, 2011
Last Updated on August 9, 2011



Hipsterville, OR

A shifter in the world i'm in. Writing to save souls but mostly to save my own. Big dreams don't fit in bubbles, so i'm writing a book with two turtles. Collegiate failure in the pursuit of fun but it.. more..

So Cliche So Cliche

A Poem by chloe