Chapter 3- Alcohol to the flame

Chapter three :

Alcohol to the flame

Jack walked to his car, a nineteen sixty seven impala. Its body had smooth but distinct edges making it look muscular. The black paint almost disappearing into the night. Walking by it he let his hand slide across the roof feeling its curves. Jack opened the door and listened to it creek as if it was welcoming him. When he sat down the leather chair welcomed his weight with a familiar sigh as he compressed its lining. Checking both of his round side mirrors Jack felt at home. This car had been his dream car through out his teen age years. The reason behind this was because when he was nine years old his father got into an accident. In the middle of winter Jack's dad John was driving home from work when he hit black ice and spun out into a telephone pole. The car completely wrapped it self around the pole but some how John walked away unscathed. To the young Jack it had been the Impala that protected him and from that day forward there had always been a connection between him and that car.

When Jack was nineteen years old he worked in construction for a the summer before he started police academy training, with the earnings from his many sun soaked days moving concrete he bought his own. Ten years later it was still one of the most reliable things in his entire life. It had been where he slept while he was looking for a place after the divorce. No one else would ever know how many tears watered the leather interior.

Putting the key in the ignition she started to purr like a pampered kitten. A small smile started to form in the corners of Jack's mouth. This was something that would never change, never leave him, never need him to be more than the man he was. With that comfort he pulled out of his drive way and started his hunt for satisfaction.

It didn't take long, with in minutes Jack was pulling into the local liquor store's parking lot. Stepping inside felt alien to him, in the past decade Jack had drank three alcoholic beverages. Before he never saw their purpose for him. For others? Yes he understood. He never judged any one for consuming them. For Jack it only got in the way of his goals. Now Jack walked around empty, goals were no where to be found. Now he had found reason to drink. That reason was that there was no reason not to.

With ever step through the store he felt less like a seventeen year old who was using his older brothers ID to buy alcohol and more like the twenty nine year old man he was. With a side ways glance he saw the clerk. A middle age man, who wore deep black bags beneath his eyes. The clerk looked at Jack with the eyes of a man who was studying something he was an expert in. Depression. This customer walked with slumped shoulders, a day or two old five a clock shadow, eyes that weren't really looking at anything. With this only one thought entered the mans mind. “ repeat business”

“Hello sir, can I help you find something?” Jack looked at the man behind the counter, who was wearing a large smile and showing his yellowing teeth. “ no, no thank you I should be fine.” Jack half turned away when he stopped. He remembered that thirst that he had felt as he drank the pop. “Actually what is your strongest scotch?” As soon as the words hit the clerk's ears his smile grew even wider. This is going to be “Good repeat business”. “ one moment” moving with purpose he left his counter to the back of the room and found a bottle with the label“Old Black” the most expensive scotch in the store. Grabbing it with one hand he walked to the counter and set it on top. “ This is the best scotch in the entire store.”

Jack walked over eyeing the bottle full of golden liquid. The first thing he looked for was the alcohol content. On the bottom of the black and bold label the words “ proof 86, 43%” were printed. Jack knew very little about drinking but he did know that forty three percent was a good amount of alcohol. “ Ill take it.” Knots started to form in his stomach as he was getting ready to break a rule he had placed on his body for many years. As if his body was not ready to give up the way his mind had.

With still greasy fingers from the pizza Jack pulled out his debit card. “ that will be sixty three dollars and fifty seven cents.” Jack nodded and inserted his card.

As Jack walked out of the store the man working called after him saying “ please come again.” the words sounded dirty to Jack. Holding the brown paper bag that held his whisky Jack quickly made his way into the car. Placing the bottle in the passenger seat he started to drive home. As the seconds ticked by, the knots started to get tighter. A small broken voice started to echo through his mind. It was the voice of a younger Jack. Reminding him of his dreams, of everything he had worked for. “ Jack you don't need this.” A cyclone of thoughts and emotions started to storm through his head, with clenched fists he drove faster.

In the few minutes it took him to get home the storm had moved from just his head to his entire body, two opposing sides with in him were waging war. Both shouting their rebuttals. Grabbing the bottle Jack charged into his home, clenching his stomach tighter with each step to try and untie the knots. Stumbling into the kitchen he grabbed a glass and set it down on the counter. With unsteady hands he poured himself a glass. Getting as much on the counter as he did in the glass. Then he just stared at it. Buckling to his knees from the weight of the fight that was being waged with in his head tears slowly started to roll down his face. “ why did you leave?” Jack whimpered to himself. The tears started to come faster. “I don't understand what I did wrong.... I tried so hard.” The storm with in his mind was silenced by a fire that started to burn in his heart. Not the warm fire of love, but the a burning fire that filled his soul with pain at what he had lost. Quite voices of suicide started to speak again. The tears had become a torrent of pain running down his face. Looking behind himself he saw the rubble of his failed attempt to silence the fire eating him alive from the inside out.

Slowly he turned his attention to the glass on the counter. Reaching he grabbed it and downed it in one fluid motion. As soon as it hit his stomach the knots rebelled and immediately he threw up. His vomit hitting the floor. Jack punched a cabinet above his head, breaking wood , skin and bone. “ F**k” Jack screamed in rage and anguish. “I just want it to stop.” he said half to himself and half to the air around him. full of anger at the pain pulsating through his hand he grabbed the bottle and took a big long drink. This time his stomach tried to revolt again only this time Jack pushed the alcohol back down with a stubborn anger.

Putting the bottle on the counter, with a third of it gone Jack started to cough furiously. His throat burned with regret at what had just been forced down it. Tears from coughing started to run down his face. With eyes red and puffy he looked at the bottle with annoyance. The pain in his chest was still there. With a deep breath of conviction he drank more. Until there was less than half left. For a few moments nothing happened. Then before Jack realized it the world was spinning around him, his knees were weak and all the colours became dull. So did the pain.

“Who needs her any way?” He said through muffled hick ups. Looking down he saw his hard wood floors and an idea filled his entire bean. He was going to slide on his floor naked. Jack was astonished that he had never thought of this before. They looked so smooth! As he pulled his shirt part way over his head he fell over from lack of balance. A laughter lined with dull sadness filled his house. Slowly the laughter turned into sobbing. Bringing his shirt back down over his head he started to crawl up the stairs to his bed room. Jack stumbled into his bed. Making a cocoon of blankets around him he started to nibble on the pizza. Slowly the tears stopped, leaving light stains on his cheeks. The pain had left, now standing in its place was a void. Jack smiled slightly. He would rather be full of nothing than full of pain.

With his eyes closed, Jack was half listening to the television in a drunken haze. He heard an infomercial about some miracle pill that would burn all the fat off your body. Slowly entered a half sleeping half awake state. With dreams full of pills that could make you fly, blenders that could chop anything, and wrist bands that could make you lift a car. With out meaning to Jacks semi unconscious body stretched hitting the television remote and with it changing the channel. A man started speaking about the cosmos, with its billions upon billions of stars and all the beauty it held with in it. Jack's dreams took a shift to him travelling through space. Out running super novas, landing on planets made completely of ice. Opening his eyes Jack felt a smile on his face, a true smile. It felt alien to him. All the thoughts of space running through his head had reminded him of a time in life when anything was possible. When he would sneak out of his house at night to find a place to sit and look up. As if looking long enough would make the stars come earth bound so he could touch them. With a nostalgic smile Jack stood up from his bead. Looking to the clock on his bed side table he saw it was two in the morning. “ perfect” Jack whispered to himself. Time to go look at the stars.

The cool night air hit Jack's now scarlet cheeks the moment he opened his front door. Staring to walk down the street in the direction of the nearest park Jack didn't look down once. Eyes constantly searching for stars and the moon. Upon reaching the park Jack finally looked down. The nostalgia grew with in him as he looked at the red, blue and yellow play ground. With its set of three swings and monkey bars ran around the giant play structure with slides coming out from every side. When he stepped onto the ground surrounding it his feet sunk into the pea gravel, with ever step he was creating path of foot prints far bigger than any other ones on the play ground. Making his way to teh swings he sat down. Wincing in pain as he gripped the chains holding up the swing with his right hand. Looking at it he remembered punching through the kitchen cabinet. A few stripes of skin were missing ,most of the skin was coated in dried blood. Jack silently thanks the alcohol coursing through his body for numbing the pain. “ I will fix you up in the morning.” Grabbing the chain only to his left Jack started to pump his legs. Quickly the swing was moving as high in the air as it could go. The cold air swirling around his entire body made him feel alive. With every upward swing he got closer to the stars.

Eventually Jack stopped swinging and laid down on the cold gravel, covering his back with a thin layer of dust. He looked for his favorite constellation, Arthur. Finding him the sky Jack felt like a child again, looking at his biggest hero. When he was a seven Jack's father had shown him Arthur on a camping trip. John explained to Jack that Arthur was the oldest knight in the world. Arthur had been in the sky before the paladin had ever been heard of. John told him that this was a time when normal people could gain the title of knight, the only criteria was that they had a noble heart and would work as hard as they could. This had made young Jack's eyes sparkle with excitement.

In the midst of his day dreaming of better times more filled with hope than the present, a scream pierced his thoughts. Standing as fast as possible Jack looked around trying to find the source of the scream. Far to his right a woman was running through an alley in his direction. Still slightly drunk Jack stood confused . Until in the distance he made out two figures running after her. As soon as his fogged brain put together what was happening Jack was sprinting towards them. The two men got the girl first. Grabbing her by the hair and yanking back hard. Her scream of pain ran through the alley. Still a few seconds away Jack roared “ Stop.” the two assailants looked up for a moment, seeing Jack running towards them they looked at each other and nodded. The smaller of the two grabbed the girl. While the bigger stepped in between them and Jack. Drawing a knife that gleamed in the moon light.