The Frozen Flame

It had been a centuries since mankind fell and failed to recover. The great cities of the age lay in ruin and had mostly been reclaimed by the forces of nature. Vines and other climbing plants coiled serpent-like through vacant, staring windows.

         Skyscrapers still towered above but they more resembled monoliths of a bygone era; a religion no longer worshipped by the people and avoided with just as much superstition. Yet there were those who made a living from the countless relics littering these buildings that allowed the rich and powerful to maintain some small semblance of the life their ancestors once enjoyed.

         In one of these ruins, amidst statues and portraits of nameless aristocrats and public officials that had been coated in a layer of dust and grime, a young man was treading where no footsteps had been felt for a generation.

         He wore a damp cloth over his mouth to avoid breathing in the fine dust, wetting it every so often from a canteen hanging from his belt. It occurred to him that he should be more sparing with the precious liquid as only a frighteningly small amount remained.

         Pausing to look over a pile of rubble, he noticed a still clothed skeletal leg protruding from the bottom. Heaving some of the stones out of the way, he was able to gain access to the rest but it only took a moment for a frown of disappointment to taint his features. This was not the one.

         He took a seat on a large rock and massaged his forehead, it had been a long trip from the slums down to the capital and time was running out for him. Darker and more menacing things stirred within the dust filled corridors than skeletons.

         As he was thinking about what to do next, he happened to glance at a fine oil painting that seemed different to the rest. This particular piece was oil on canvas and at least three hundred years old, yet it was not the subject of the painting that caught his attention. It was the message, so coated by grime and dust, that he nearly missed it.

 

Get out. Run. It will bur-.

 

         A smile grew on his lips as he read the words which trailed off into illegible scrawl, thinking that he must be mad to find such satisfaction in the words of someone who had spent their last few moments on earth writing a warning on a painting.

         He stood up and walked towards the wall upon which the painting rested. At the foot of it, and previously obscured by a fallen chunk of rock from the ceiling, were skeletal remains. As he studied them further, he realised that the skull had been shattered and a short search of the area revealed why.

         He had heard of this sort of technology before, that devices such as these could be used to kill a man with no more than the touch of a button as long as you could see him. It frightened him, but not nearly as much as it excited him to find it; he pocketed the weapon and looked closer at the skeleton.

         The tattered remains of clothing suggested that they belonged to a female but little else as to her life before she met her end remained. Except for the message, of course.

         Something moved. He was sure of it. There was a glint of something metallic in the corner of his eye, and he whirled to face the source. He hesitated for a long moment.

         “Who’s there?” he asked of the empty corridor.

         Silence met his question, but he took this as meaning it was time to leave. He gathered his belongings and began to walk back the way he came. He had been scouring ruins for seven years now, but in all that time he had never had the sense of being watched by a predatory gaze that he had now.

         He hastened back the way he had come, but his foot caught in some rubble. With a curse, he toppled to the floor and hit his head. His vision swam, and amongst the blurred debris he saw it. A small shard of unknown material, glowing with a cold light. He reached out to it as he lost consciousness.

She stood in front of him in a shift of pale, pastel blue silk that draped over her ivory flesh in a way that resembled the transience of air and the fluidity of a waterfall. Her chin was tilted upwards very slightly in a way that allowed the ambient moonlight to caress high cheekbones that were framed by shoulder length hair the same shade and lustre as a raven.

         “I am Monarch, as men have named me. Some have called me the Frozen Flame. I can tell my chosen appearance is one that you find pleasing.” she said. She tilted her chin downwards slightly and afforded him a demure smile that was too cruel to be convincing.

         “I am-” he begun, but she cut him off harshly.

         “I know who you are. Do not waste time with idle chatter, there is much to talk about and a limit to how much you can process and retain from any single dream.”

         He frowned at her. She very much reminded him of an ex-girlfriend. It was in the way she spoke; the condescension of a superior being addressing something far inferior.

         “Your kind made a grave mistake way beyond anything as fleeting as a ‘world war’, and unfortunately something that had enjoyed an existence of anonymity has been forced into the light of day. You broke something, and we...I...am not sure it can be fixed.” she said.

         “Why are you telling me this? I-” Again, she cut him off.

         “Because you are all that I have to work with, and that is all. It appears some of your kind are more predisposed to our particular sort of relationship and you are an adequate match. As adequate a match as has presented itself to me these past nine hundred years.” she said.

         “Our sort of relationship?” he asked.

         “Yes. Your species has a word for it, ‘symbiosis’. You are in the first stages of becoming my host and through you I will bring to pass events that are necessary to correct your mistakes.” she said, moving forward to rest a hand on his cheek. It was icy cold, and as she looked into his eyes the cold flooded in through them and it hurt.

         “What do I get out of this?” he asked, wincing, before breaking eye contact when it became too painful.

         “You get me. All of me. As and when I deem it useful to our cause. I can give you power over the flows of energy from one form to another. I can show you the subtle intricacies of the connections between all things in this physical world and beyond and power over them. Power, wealth, fame, glory, women...together you and I can rule the heavens and the earth for all time and throughout time. Death will not take you. Nor disease. The years will not touch you as they do others of your kind, and you will wield life and death as only a deity can.” she said, a cold flame of passion burning in her eyes.

         He swallowed, his pulse quickening at the promise she unfolded before him. No wary thought of caution crossed his mind as he imagined what he could do with this power if she was indeed telling the truth.

         “There is but one small catch. You must choose this. The Origin, in wisdom that truly defines the infinite, ordained that life should have freedom to make choices.” she said, whispering the last part into his ear, her breathe chilling his neck.

         “Accept my light and receive my majesty, and together we will realise every desire we have within us the capacity to experience...and where there is no capacity, we shall create it.”

         He forced himself to look into those lonely sapphire pools of burning lake water and tried to summon a single thought but he could not. He only saw himself upon a golden throne with her at his side.

         “Don’t hesitate, my sweet...choose the life you have always deserved.” she crooned.

         “A-alright...I accept.” he said.

         She plunged her hand through his skull and into his brain.

         The world dissolved into white light.

            

Reviews

[MaliKate]

Ohhhh, how I have fallen deeply and profoundly in love with this story. The impression I get is that things are going to be a little different to him sitting on the centre throne than he might have been imagining. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if she was setting him up as sacrifice or something of the sort. But the way she plunges through him indicates, at least to me, that he's going to get something a little more than he bargained for. And if I'm wrong then that's awesome because stories that take different turns and are less predictable are very enticing.

Now, I feel like a primary kid telling the teacher they left out the extra "t" in a word on the whiteboard, but I have noticed that you use fullstops at the end of dialogue rather than commas.

"A-alright...I accept{.}" he said - should be a (,).
"A-alright...I accept," he said.

"...choose the life you have always deserved{.}" she crooned.
"...chose the life you have have always deserved," she crooned.

It's only because the dialogue is part of the sentence, as is the "she said, he said" part.

BUT. The exception is when you don't use the "he said, she said" form and replace it for an action or a thought.

E.g. "The river is rising quickly, we need to move fast." With that said, everybody jumped to their feet. (If you catch my drift).

Or: "The river is rising quickly, we need to move fast." If there was any way for them to get out of there alive, they had to act now.

On the first paragraph where it says "It had been a centuries" theres' an A there that needs to be omitted. Or it's supposed to be "century". I'm not entirely sure. You're the writer, you know the background.

I love the detail and intricacy of your descriptions. I'm majorly obsessed with ancient ruins. So that gives the story even more credit.

Aaand, yeah. I think that's all I can offer considering my limited amount of knowledge. Keen as a bean for more reads from you.

[jamesemaj89]

Thanks again for the feedback. I'm here to be a better writer, so any mistakes with the craft that you spot and I can sort early on will save me a lot of time and anguish down the line! :)

[MaliKate]

It's not a problem. You and Jake Botha have become my two favourite authors on WC. You have very similar writing styles to one another so if you want real insightful reviews then I'd recommend contacting him (or just sending him a read request). And read his work, too. He's brilliant.

[jamesemaj89]

I'll look him up, thanks for the tip.