prologue

(edited)

Logan is your typical aesthetic teenage gay boy. 

He has never been the one to talk to new people unless it was a live-or-die situation, the reason? Anxiety. 

When Logan was younger he used to be an extravagant kid, he was always running around, trying his best to make friends everywhere he went, however all of that got lost when he told one of his closest friends he was attracted to other males, people would think that he was okay with it, that he would never betray his best friend, but that was exactly what happened, Logan left school that day and the next thing he knew was that the whole school was laughing at him for being a 'f*g'.

From that moment on things started turning upside down, he had to move schools while lying to his dad about the reason of doing so, probably not the smartest idea but surely the safest.

He talked with his mother about it, and she was really cool about it, however, she suggested Logan to not tell his father for the moment.

So from that moment on Logan started hiding his own self from people, always acting like a laid back-straight boy. 

Reviews

[Eden Callaghan]

You’re right about there being a few grammatical errors. The biggest, most reoccurring problem, is your use of commas when they should be periods. Otherwise, you have continuous run on sentences. Also, when a new person talks they should get a new paragraph. In terms of the pacing of the story, that’s alright. There’s just a lot of telling and not showing, which is an easy fix (I suggest giving clues that Logan has anxiety issues, rather than just plainly stating it). A more specific problem was further down in the chapter. You’d refer to Logan by name and suddenly switched to ‘the boy’, which made me think there was another character until I realized it must be Logan.

However, since this is a prologue, everything is kind of wrong. A prologue should be entirely separate from the main story that begins in Chapter One. It should introduce the characters and the overall tone of the book. It could take place either in the future, the past, or by the point of view of an entirely different character. So for your novel, you could write a short story about Logan’s experience with anxiety. That would give the reader background information about Logan so we can relate to him, while also sort of showing and not telling that he has some anxiety issues. Since it doesn’t need to be connected to chapter one you could write a past experience of his involving bullying. Or another experience that made him feel anxious and less likely to make friends. Then in Chapter One start with him at his new school and living in New York. (This is just a suggestion, though.)
- If you need an example, think about “Disney’s Beauty and the Beast”. They introduce an old woman who went to visit a prince, but he turned her away. She turned into a beautiful woman and put a curse on him because he was deceived by appearances. Now if he doesn’t learn to love another he will stay a beast forever. This is completely separate from his time with Bell, but it's background information that lets us know that he lives in the castle and that he used to be a man, but is now cursed as a beast. This makes later when we hear the candle man and the clock guy saying “what if she’s the one” we know that must mean they want her to fall in love with their master and vice-versa in order to break the spell.

The concept with the door across from his bedroom was interesting, though. I’m also curious to know what's in there, especially when it says “no entry”. I also thought the structure of his bedroom was pretty interesting, too. Usually, there isn’t tile in a bedroom, at least where I’m from. It’s also interesting that there would be a piece of furniture, the table, in the room if they just moved in. It makes me wonder if it was left there by the previous owner or if his parents put it there.

My advice, consider the second half of this: Chapter One. The first half of it you should rewrite and consider it the prologue. Other than that, you have a great start.

[Jay]

Hello, sorry for getting to you so late, thanks for your review, really helpful.