Gone

     “Gone”

What brought me to Texas was not the weather or burgers the size of two bawled fist, but a woman. A woman that left me a long time ago without a trace. Even though it’s been six years my love for her never waned or died. For years I searched for her.

A wave of butterflies are floating inside of me, making my insides tingle with nervousness. Thoughts of her make me even more nervous and afraid to see what has become of the girl that left me six long years ago.

The early morning air was dry and stale, with the heat waves of the sun incinerating the streets. Sweat raced down my temple at unmeasurable speeds trying to keep me warm. My destination wasn’t very far, I had rented a hotel two blocks away from where “she” worked; a small coffee shop called “kitties.” I could smell the sweet aroma emitting from the coffee shop.

I was approaching the shop when the butterflies in my stomach grew. My stomach tensed. Doubtful thoughts started to race through my brain.

What if she doesn’t want to see me?                    

What if I don’t recognize her?

What if this journey was pointless?

As the doubtful thoughts grew so did my movements and now I was standing just a few feet away from the shop.

Six long years of waiting.

Six long years of questions, gathered themselves in the dark recesses of my brain. Wanting to be answered.

I overcame the crowding butterflies in my belly. Washing away the fear and doubt with my resolve to see the ghost. To know that some piece of her is still left. To know that she hasn’t forgotten me.

I walked in.

Waitresses and locals covered the shop like bees in a field. Zipping and zooming waitresses tended to the local herd of morning birds, filling their coffee cups and taking orders. I scanned the crowd for “her” but none of the faces fit.

I sat down in one of the comfy diner seats, warming myself up to this place of heavenly scents. I wasn’t a particular fan of coffee, but I flipped through the menu anyway to distract my thoughts. As I was reading down the lines of the menu, memories shot through my mind, taking me back to the days when we were together. Her laugh. Her smile. I used caress her hair while she slept, thinking I was the luckiest man in the world.

I closed my eyes and inhaled the nostalgia. Taking in every sweet memory.

Then she came.

“May I take your order sir?” a blast from the past disturbed my nostalgia. Her. I looked up from the menu and saw the face I once loved and kissed every morning. I was star struck. My thoughts and emotions clashed liked waves, derailing me into a sea of emptiness.

I stared at her awkwardly trying to force six years of questions out of my mouth.

“Sir?” she said still smiling and waiting patiently for me to order. Her hair was a bright blonde now, but her eyes were still the same. Blue as the sea and innocent as a child’s.

“Vanessa, it’s me jawan!”

Her eyes scanned me up and down checking her memory bank for any recognition. “Sorry shug, but I don’t recall knowing you.” She said in a confused tone. I stood up slowly hoping that the fogginess of her memory would clear, hoping that some fragment of me would shoot back into her mind.

“Vanessa it’s me...Jawan...we used to date!”  She scanned me again, with caution she backed away from me and looked me up and down, scanning.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I really don’t know you!” she looked startled. Her eyes fidgeting while uttering the words out.

She was lying.

She knew me.

She remembered.

What came next neither I nor she expected, I grabbed her wrist and clinched. I wanted her to remember. I didn’t want to become just another passenger in her life. Coming, going than gone forever.

“Please remember you have to remember me Vanessa!”

“Please your hurting me sir, please let me go!”

Vanessa tried to wriggle herself out if the grip, but I wasn’t letting her go. Not this time. I was starting to attract a crowd now, a man of tall stature and heavy composure walked over to where we were to stop me from hurting her. The more she wriggled the tighter my grip became around her wrist, like a python wrapping itself around its prey.

“I love you Vanessa, please remember.”

“You’re crazy, let me go you psycho!”

“Let her go sir!”

                Suddenly I felt a brute force of power hit my jaw like a train crashing into my face.it must’ve been the gentlemen of tall stature and heavy composure. I was stunned. My body became numb. Everything was beginning to blur. A blurry outline of Vanessa seemed to move farther and farther away from me as I was falling down. I knew that she had forgotten me.

Six years of days, months and seasons covered the memory of me.

 I was nothing to her.

Just another passenger in her life.

                Coming.

                Going.

                Gone.