+0:10:31 (5:29pm)

+0:10:31 (5:29pm)

A Chapter by Juan More Story

Because you made a promise!


Part I


September 13th


I still can't believe it!” Frank yelled out, slamming his beer on the table.

What?” Jesus asked, casually taking a sip of his own beer.

I can't believe your dumb-a*s actually made it through college and got accepted into the FBI,” Frank explained.

Seriously,” Leonard agreed. “You took, what, 2 classes a semester for 6 years?”

Hey!” Jesus defended. “I made it up with summer school!”

You mean you made up your degree,”Ken added. “I bet your diploma is made out of construction paper and crayons.”

Jesus held up both his middle fingers and flung it around in front of their faces. All of them laughed, the noise filling the near empty bar. The first of the business crowd was starting to trickle in and took refuge in the corner opposite of the rowdy off duty police officers. It was Jesus' retirement party, but since he had only been part of the Fresno PD during his 6 years at the university, he didn't warrant letting so many officers off for the night. Only Frank, Leonard, and Ken were able to make it. Which was fine with him, because they were the only ones he really wanted to show up anyways.

Well, them and one other. But that would never happen. Never again.

Silence had crept in between all of them as the guests read the depressing thought that had cross his mind, but then they all just pasted smiles on their faces and took a sip from their beers to hide any acknowledgement.

So when is your first day of being a dick"I mean a fed?” Leonard joked to break the silence.

Not for another 2 weeks. I figured with all those years of doing overtime I at least deserved a break.”

Bullshit! You were always leaving for class or had your nose in a book or...s**t now that I think about it you were f*****g busy the whole time.”

To this a*****e finally getting a break!” Ken toasted.

They all clinked their glasses and took a drink, bringing about another round of silence, albeit more festive due to the involvement of alcohol. The silence was broken by Jesus' cellphone as it rang. He looked at the caller ID and his brow furrowed.

Another broken hearted girl trying to get back with you?” Ken asked.

No, I haven't broken up with your mom yet,” Jesus said, standing up. “Hang on guys.”

They laughed and jeered at Ken over the comment as Jesus stepped outside and accepted the call.

Hello?” he barked with a mixture of surprise and irritability.

I need your help with something, something huge,” Isabel pleaded.

What do you want?” Jesus demanded.

I don't have time to explain. Right now, I just need someone I can trust. Come over so I can explain everything.”

You think that I'm just going to drop everything and do you a favor after all you've done?” Jesus seethed.

It has to be you!” Isabel begged in desperation .

Why is that?”

Because you made a promise!”

Jesus paused as he recalled the promise he made to the one person he wanted at this retirement party the most.

What's going on?” Jesus asked, regretting it almost immediately.

Just come over,” Isabel reiterated.

No, I'm busy right now. Just tell me wh--”

You think I would call you if it wasn't really important?!” Isabel shouted over the line. “My daughter's life is at stake!”

Fine, I'm on my way.”

Thank y--”

Jesus hung up before she could finish. He didn't need or want her gratitude. He took a second to regain his composure, and then walked back into the bar.

Sorry guys, but I got to head out,” Jesus said, and his friends all groaned loudly in disappointment. “I know. I know. My mom wants me to go pick up some cousin I've never met before from the bus station and take him to my aunt's house, who I've also never met. Having a huge family is such a pain in the a*s.”

Its a dick move for the guest of honor to leave his own party,” Leonard said.

I guess thats why the FBI took me in with open arms,” Jesus countered with a smile.

Everyone laughed and stood up to hug him and give him a pat on the back. Jesus left the bar smiling, and it quickly faded as he remembered where he was going. How could such an awesome day turn into such a pain in the a*s in less than two minutes. He shook his head as he got into his car, and drove out of the parking lot.

© 2016 Juan More Story

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Really like chapter two, it's very well structured and funny

Posted 11 Years Ago

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Added on December 2, 2012
Last Updated on September 9, 2016
Tags: kidnap, hostage, police, retired, FBI


Juan More Story
Juan More Story


I have a strange perception of the world. I look at it in such a negative light that it tends to exceed my expectations, making the world seem beautiful. As a result some of my writing doesn't have.. more..

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A Chapter by Juan More Story