Next Time

3/24/16

Thoughts of you fill my head

Almost every night when I try to go to bed

And I can't help but to sob

As my heart fills with dread

Just like lead it has begun to drown me in an ocean,

This time of my passion,

And though I hear the call to action

I am trapped within an iron coffin

I am caught within a prison in which I am the sole inmate

Confined in a state

Where I can love but cannot hate

For there is a magic that you hold

That has been casted upon me

One that has caused me to dream

To dream of you, to dream of me, to dream of all that we could be

And I thought that if I held you in return

Then you would never let me go

But I was wrong and I got hurt because my heart was filled with hope

Youre moving on, looking forward, leaving me to cope alone

A bit ago I wrote a poem,

Named you love, and that was true,

But I didn't think then that I'd soon have to say goodbye to you

I would not have gifted you my body

If I'd known you'd so soon walk away

I did it because I loved you,

(In many ways I still do)

And I wanted to marry you some day

In my heart you made a home

And I decorated it just for you

I painted the walls, I refurbished the roof

And as I did so, my feelings grew

I dreamt of our future

And how our life would be

College first, apartment next,

Wedding after and children last

We'd even named the two we'd have,

Jordan first and Layla last

But now they wont exist and I feel like I betrayed them

And either way I've got to say

My life has been reduced to mayhem

I've never known what it feels like

To watch your world burn down around you

You were the best thing in my life

But now I have to live without you

I see you flirt with others, strutting down the halls

You seem so okay without me

And so I realized I must rebuild my walls

You've made it clear that you're not there for me to talk to

And that our time has fully passed

You told me that you loved me once

But now thats not something you can do

There's too many reminders and here I'll write a list:

Two days after was your mothers birthday

Four days after it was mine

Eighteen days after it will be yours

Forty-four days after it will be my moms

Sixty-four days after, you graduate

Sixty-five days after would be acen

Sixty-six days after would come prom

Eighty-two days until I become a senior

Eighty-five days until camp

And so on and so on, I'm sure you get the gist

And you've changed since you left me

You've gotten hard and cruel and rough

It's a side I've never known

A side that's never loved or even liked me,

One who's had enough

I don't love the side I see now

But that matters not

I know that you're just trying to be tough

I still love the you I know

And it hurts, but I'll wait just a little longer

Love doesn't just disappear after all

So I wont give up just yet

I'll just have hope our love can be found

And that next time it will be stronger