transit.

She dreams

             (while riding musty buses and

                             clackety trains

               transitclogged lifeforms
               clattering in at every turn
               no space for personal room
               no sign or recognition of
               her shared place among them

           stepcrunch OW!!!
                    foot/knee/head

pushshove NOW!

MEfirstmeFIRST

MEFIRST)

of oceans

     and forests noone has seen

Reviews

[Iota]

I remember riding crowded trains and having no place to sit, standing all cramped between people wondering why this one didn't take a bath. Oh glad those days are over with. :) Great scene writing!

[Periac]

awesome!!..i followed you right out the window to that forest.....beautiful twist and I am again in a jealous chair.....such a twist so unexpected....awesome indeed

[Eagle Cruagh]

This was exceptionally clever.

Your dreams, interrupted by transit,
the elbowing, crowding trains and busses
and at the very end-----

The streams and forests. Beautiful !

This writer is destined to write a lot of copy
for an ad agency, when she can take time
off the creation of her book.

The inspiration, the insightfulness and imagery
are exquisite.

Thank you for another great write.

My rating ---- 100 %

-----John

[Colin Mitchell Williams]

This reminds me of the London Underground at rush hour, travelling to work... and in the midst of it all, dreaming and wishing I could see open fields and forests in the distance... amazingly personal, and at the risk of repeating myself... talented.

[C.L. Wilson]

wow this such an oddball style and the symbolysm in your cramped writing in the second stanza... oooh... it's brilliant! i hate traveling on trains and this pretty much summarizes why.
Brilliant brilliant.

[R J Askew]

Arf, arf! You capture my daily existance here on London's trains. There is poetry to be found on buses and trains, too. But it is definitely less appealing that something with a hint of salt between the lines.

[Sean M. Addams]

very interesting piece ... like the concept of it.... the imagery left an impact with me too... overall a very cool write.

[deeps]

I like this
I kinda chuckled at the me first