stalker of the night!

just a dark poem i wrote i hope you like it

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

              

 

first version  

 

 

     There's a stalker of the night,

He watches every move you make,

He lurks the day,

He lurks the night,

He holds a ax,

He want's your soul,

He stalks you everyday,

Watches every move you make,

You feel as if someone is watching you,

The thorns on the ground have fallen from the black rose's,

Dark rose's a rise as you walk,

You shiver in fear,

Noone can hear you,

No One can see you,

As your stalker approaches you,

With blood all over him,

You try to run,

But there's nowhere to go,

Ecccch,

Help!

Help!

No One replies,

Ashes of  the rustic of your soul will be gone,

Your stalker kills you,

And there's nothing left.

 

   second version 

   stalker of the night 

he lurks upon us, 

there's a stalker of the night, 

he watches every move you make, 

he lurks the day, 

he lurks the night, 

holding an ax in his hand, 

he wants your soul, 

he stalks you everywhere you go, 

he watches every move you make, 

you feel as if someone is watching you, 
the thorns on the ground have fallen from the black rose's, 

dark rose's rise as we walk, 

shivering in fear, 

noone can hear you, 

no one can see you, 

as the stalker of the night approaches you, 

he has blood running down him, 

you try to run, 
but you were trapped, 

nowhere to go, 

help, 

eccch, 

help!

help!
but no reply's, 

noone can hear you scream, 

the darkness is deep, 

the ashes of the rustic of your soul will be gone, 

your stalker kills you in the night, 

and there's nothing left, 

good by

Author's Note

please let me know what you think of this poem
do you like the first version or the second one better

Reviews

[Eleanor]

Again, like I said you created a dark and intense scene. Ah I always love the suspense in your poems.
They always are different than others. Thank you for such a nice RR :)
You leave me thinking- who's the stalker? why did he kill her? what? how? when? :p
Great job.

[A Soap Mess Stories]

real and macabre images here...love the symbolism with the dark rose...

[Laura Lynn]

That is scary, why would the stalker kill her I wonder, what has she done, what did she do? What are you doing here?!! I like the dark roses image, very macabre, very almost French or Gothic I am getting