Just Thought I'd Share

just a bit of what i'm dealing with.

so, i've been going through a lot in the past...well, year or so. in 2008. my best friend moved, i fell in love, lost relationship with my parents, got my heart broken, lost my faith, drank alcohol, cut myself, and just two and a half weeks ago, took 4 tylenol, one zantac, one ibuprofen, and some type of allergy pill. I wasn't feeling particularly suiucidal at that moment, but i just didn't care. i was like, what the heck?

but after i took those pills and i started to fill dizzy, and i got tired of hiding the cuts on my arm from my family, it dawned on me. i may be in worse need that i thought. I knew i was getting a little more emo than usual, but before i knew it, i myself was suicidal. and it's so funny, because I'm the one who encourages people not to cut and tell them that God takes care of it. So there I was, choking on my own words. So those of you who think i'm a hypcrite, well congrats, you were right. I hope you feel vindicated.

so anyway, i was talking to my mother, whom i have hated since september, and she told me that people are worried about me. some people that i love from church were afraid for my life. then she wrapped her arms around me and told me that she loved me and didn't want to lose me. i broke down in tears and cried in my mother's arms. i didn't tell her what i've been dealing with the last few months, i didn't tell her that i prayed that God would kill me every night. i truly did not want to live.

i took matters into my own hands. i knew i needed help. i had gotten the suicide hotline number, i had called a life coach, and i met with my youth pastor's wife. I told her everything i had been dealing with, everything that i could not bring myself to tell my parents. I didn't want to be put in a mental place, because truly, i don't think that is what I need.

but to my surprise, she had complete sympathy for me and encouraged me to keep on living. she said she'd keep my secrets and would be here for me if i needed it.

so here i am now, healing, for the most part. it's been two weeks and i'm doing so much better. i thank God that i'm getting help and i'm going back to God. because if i kept going on the at the rate i was at...i might not have made it to graduation...

Reviews

[Sssss]

Just read your writing, so scratch that you haven't made that many mistakes.
You just have crazy, hypocritical , overprotective (understatement of the year) parents.
I wish you luck!
May the rest of your life work out for the better.

[Sssss]

In this case, I don't think you're being a hypocrite. You're just attempting to reach out to others so they don't make the same mistakes you did.
Hope you and anyone else struggling like this pulls through and finds that something which will keep them going in life.

[Girl who is just a beau..]

You were there for me when I was dealing with similar things and to be frankly honest I started crying while sitting here at teh college reading your stuff. You are amazing and you have gotten me through day to day lately. I have been in the same boat and even right now I feel like breaking now and if you read the latest writing i put up it shows that.

[UpComesDown]

T.T Kei, I love you so much and even though you're still going through a tough time, I am so proud of you. You may not be the strong christian girl you once were but you have still been able to find God one way or the other and I love you for it. Always remember you are my best friend and I'll always see you as my hero. I love you so much and I'll always be there for you even if I have to occasionally move away. i'll always pray for you!
Love your bestest friend in the world,
Sho

[These Haunted Hallways]

Absolutely beautiful ending!! WoW!! I truly loved this piece a lot! I agree with Daniel as well. I wanted to cut the other day cause it got so bad, actually, but...long story. But then this week is going much better for me. And i feel good. But, im really happy that somebody sat down and talked with ya. That's cool :) As I've heard, a bad beginning is a good ending :) *hugs*

B.A.

[Daniel]

Aww, this is really sad.

I don't think of you as a hypocrit; possibly just some one who has dealt with too much and you're just sick of it. I understand that completely.

I'm glad you're doing better! :)
I'll pray for you as well.