Chapter 3

Silence surrounded me like a dark blanket. I couldn’t shake it or remove it. My thoughts were spiraling, going every direction I didn’t want them to go. The Honda started to scream at me in the form of a beeping noise, making me aware of the fact that I hadn’t put on my seatbelt. At any other given point, this would have annoyed me. However, I was grateful for the distraction at this time. I welcomed anything that would help get my mind off of heading home unaccompanied.

 Reaching up and over my shoulder, I grabbed the seatbelt buckle and pulled it down and over my body, inserting it where it belonged accompanied by a click. Taking a deep breath, I pulled out the pack of cigarettes from my purse, eager to get the stress level down. A dark green base with white lettering accompanied the box. Putting the filter to my mouth, I ignored the feeling of guilt and shame that were trying to creep into my cognizance. With a flick of the lighter, a flame was born, burning the paper and creating the familiar line of smoke rising from the other end.

Inhaling deep, I felt the immediate burn in the back of my throat. The smell that came along with the habit had me feeling somewhat nauseated at first. After it had time to settle into everything, my clothes, the material of the car, and my taste buds, then it wasn’t nearly as atrocious. I really need to stop doing this to myself. Why? Why do I do this?

Smoking is not something that I had a habit of doing on a regular basis. Only when my husband is absent, do I choose to live this temporary lifestyle. If he ever became aware of the fact that such actions were being performed while he was away, I think he would be very disappointed. Then again, he may be understanding. I really don’t know how he would react. Seeing as he is the health enthusiast as he is, I can’t imagine that he would be exactly thrilled to learn that his wife is damaging her body in small doses.

Shaking my head and ignoring the inner ranting, I took another drag. Then another, and another, and another. I could feel the anxiety starting to dissipate, leaving me in a rather peaceful state. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. My endorphins were absorbing the poison, tricking me into thinking that I didn’t have a care in the world. At least for that moment I didn’t. That moment was short-lived, as the ciggy was close to being done with its fulfillment.

Before I realized it, the trip back home had already halfway been accomplished. This puzzled me but I didn’t question it. I just let it be. The sun had now risen considerably from the time that we had left the house. The trees welcomed the rays with open arms, creating shadows all around the edges of the road. The pavement was smooth, allowing for an easy transition between terminuses.

Home was just around the corner, but so was the job that was awaiting my arrival. My stomach growled and protested, reminding me that I had not yet eaten this morning. Reaching over to my purse, I found a granola bar that had been hoping I wouldn’t locate it. I unwrapped the morsel of food, crumpling the wrapper and placing it back where I had gotten it from. The bite of nutrition was filled with oats and honey, crunching and savoring every chew that I made. The package contained two bars that were gone before I reached Mr. Mark’s store.

I pulled into the parking lot, parking on the very end of the building. The small convenience store didn’t start accepting customers until eight o’clock. Employees that were opening up the location were required to be at work at least an hour before starting for the day. Drawers needed to be counted, the floor needed to be swept, counters needed to be wiped down, and we needed to make sure that the shelves were fully stocked. Mr. Darren Marks has been the owner and operator of the miniature store since well before I was even thought of. At seventy-three years old, he still gets around rather well. Never being married or having any children to raise, he has dedicated forty-three years to this place, making it one of the warmest places to work and shop at in Greenville.

I still had half an hour before I had to punch in, so I decided to take a short walk. Giving the car the rest it was wanting, I switched off the ignition, tossing the keys into my pocketbook. The wind came around the mountain, meeting me as soon as I was fully upright. Fresh mountain air filled my lungs. It felt good to breathe it in. Cleansing almost. Knowing that I shouldn’t have, yours truly reached back into her purse to fish out another cigarette.

Putting it in my mouth, I cupped my hand around the lightable end, shielding the wind from the flame I was trying to produce. Flick, flick, flick. The breeze protested, wafting even more so than it was just a minute ago. Shielding it with my body, I turned around so that wind was pounding against my back bone.  Finally, I got it lit, drawing in quickly before the airflow caused its extinction. 

Flicking the ashes off of the cigarette and taking another drag, I started to walk at a steady pace. One foot in front of the other. I could hear the sole of my shoes pressing into the sidewalk, supporting me in a way that nothing else could. The streetlights were still lit, burning brightly even in the morning sun. They would be turned off in a matter of minutes. I was sure of it. Like clockwork, everything runs on a very precise schedule. Eight o’clock seems to be the magical time that things start to come alive and happen in town. This makes sense, considering most of the larger businesses started operating around nine or nine-thirty. A diner, not too far from the store, was already open. Glancing at the sign, I noticed that they opened at six-thirty. I was always aware of the fact that they opened fairly early, never knowing at exactly what time that was. Putting out my cigarette, I entered the diner.

The smell of freshly baked pastries and coffee greeted me at the door. I was aiming to get a cup of coffee, since the cup that I had made for myself this morning was still sitting on my kitchen counter untouched. Reaching the counter, a young lady greeted me with a heartfelt smile and a perky tone in her voice.

“Good morning Mrs. Langston. How are you doing today?”

 I smiled and said “I’m doing well Lisa. Thank you for asking. I am in desperate need of caffeine. The cup of joe that I had fixed for myself, unfortunately was left at the house.”

“Oh no! We can’t have that, now can we? Why don’t you go have a seat and make yourself comfortable? I am going to make a fresh pot of coffee that will be ready for you in just a few moments.”

Nodding, I took the invitation and made my way to one of the chairs sitting next to one of the nearby tables. I pulled back my sleeve to glance at my watch, seeing that I still had fifteen minutes to spare. Before I knew it, Lisa was handing me a hot cup of java, complemented by a freshly baked chocolate chip muffin.

“Here you are madam. I hope that you enjoy!” she exclaimed. She has always been such a polite young lady. I give her parents credit for keeping up with her manners over the years. She wasn’t like most children her age.

“How much do I owe you?” I enquired as I dug around for my wallet. My goodness I need to clean this thing out. It has gotten way out of control.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It’s on the house today” Lisa replied with that smile of hers.

Surprised, I asked “Are you sure? I don’t want to get you into any kind of trouble.”

“Of course I’m sure darling’. I already got permission from the boss.” I thanked her profusely, handing her a ten-dollar bill to put in her pocket for herself. “Don’t put that in the tip jar. I want you to have it. Hopefully you can put it towards something that you want or have been saving for.” I told her. “Yes ma’am. You got it! Thank you so much!” she countered.

         I walked out of the café and started to head back towards the store. The owner’s car was now sitting next to mine in the parking lot, which means he was probably waiting for me somewhere close by. A gray-haired man, about five foot eight weighing two hundred and twenty-seven pounds, wearing a plaid shirt and wrangler jeans waved to me from down the street. Lifting my hand, I returned the gesture and moved a little more briskly than before.

         “Good morning Mr. Marks. I’m sorry for being late.”

         “Actually, my dear, you are right on time. I fear that I am the one who was running a little behind this morning. Don’t ever get old.” We shared a laugh along with a hug before he unlocked the doors to our livelihood. Stepping into the shop, I noticed more so today than any other day before, how different it looked when the lights were off. Nothing had quite the same ring to it. It definitely did not look as inviting.  The feeling of discomfort didn’t last long as the store was soon overcome with the luminescence of the overhead lights.

         I went behind the counter to put my bag where it belonged. There was a special cubby hole, underneath where the register sat, where personal belongings were allowed to be stored through the duration of your shift. After that, I headed over to the section of the store that had a small stand that was designated strictly for making coffee. Little containers of creamer sat in a cooler just below the counter. Opening it, I found the hazelnut creamers and grabbed three of them. I took the top off of my cup and added the creamers. Reaching for the sugar packets, I watched as the flavored milk mixed with the dark coffee, creating swirls of caramel and tan streaks.

         I started stirring all of the contents together, making a mixture that was nothing short of perfect for my personal consumption. A hand rested gently on my back. Turning around, Mr. Marks was grinning at me in a way that told me he was getting ready to say something sentimental.

         “Andria, my dear. I don’t believe that I have ever thanked you for being here and helping me out as much as you do. Out of the few people that I have working for me, I know that you are the most dependable employee that I have. It has been an honor to have you as a part of the team. I especially appreciate it considering the fact that it is not necessary for you to work in order to meet financial needs. You do it because you want to and I think that is extremely admirable. Your father would be so proud of you.”

His words always found a way to comfort me. Ever since my father passed, he has been more of a father figure in my life than anyone else. He was there for my mother and I for many years after the accident. Making trips to the house to deliver groceries and supplies, to being a shoulder to cry on, and even lending an ear whenever we just needed to express ourselves. That is still the case now. He makes sure that we both have everything that we need or want. We are, in an unusual way, like the family he never had.

“Thank you. I appreciate that. But you don’t need to thank me Mr. Marks. I feel as though that I am playing my part in the world to help keep it spinning. All I ask in return, is for you to never change. That’s it. Keep being the same wonderful, caring, and generous man that you always have been.”

“My dear. My sweet Andria. You will never have to worry about me changing. At my age, we tend not to change much. But you are the one that should never change. You have grown up to be such a beautiful and strong young woman that has one of the purest hearts I know.”

Tears welled up in his eyes as he continued, “You know, your father and I had a conversation about you before you were born. Your mother was seven months pregnant when your father came to me and asked me to do a favor for him. Looking back at it now, I guess it was more of a promise. He asked me, that if anything ever happened to him and he wasn’t around anymore, then could I watch over you and Susan? Naturally, I said that I would be honored to do so, never dreaming that something as tragic that happened actually occurred.” The old man paused for a moment, wiping away the tears that had made their way down his face.

“I still can’t believe that it’s been fifteen years. I can still see him standing in front of me, having that conversation like it was just yesterday. He was so nervous about being a father, fearing that he would fail in some form or another. I tried to tell him that he was going to be just fine. That every feeling he was having of being a failure and not being a good enough father was normal. Even though I never had children of my own, I always tried to look after the youngsters that surrounded me. Whether it be young fellas like your dad or other adolescents that came in here with their parents to do some shopping. Just know, my dear, that you have always been my favorite and that you will always have a special place in my heart.”

We shared a quick squeeze before realizing all of the work that needed to still be done. While he counted the drawer, and wiped down all of the counters, I swept the floor and did the restocking of the shelves. Pretty much anything that you were looking for, you could find in here. If we didn’t have any in stock or if it was something that was not part of our inventory, then we found a way to get it for you. It was that simple. The customer always comes first.

I went to the back of the store where we kept the overstock. It was a little cooler back there considering the walls were solid concrete. That was the only thing separating us from the outside air. I grabbed the runner and started stacking up everything that I know needs to be stocked every day. Once that portion was complete, then I would go back through and make a list of everything else that I needed to grab.

Making my way out onto the floor, I couldn’t help but think that I couldn’t wait to see my mother later. Her and I have gotten very close the older I have gotten. She has been my main go to person for so long. Sometimes I feel guilty for laying so many of my issues on her. Mostly when I needed her is when anything about my father comes up. Whether it be a conversation, a dream, a nightmare, or even just his name. She is the one person, that I know, that will completely understand where I am coming from. I couldn’t wait to tell her about the conversation that Mr. Marks and I had. She absolutely adores that man as many of us do. He is very much a mentor and friend to a lot of people in this town.

Ding, ding, ding. The doors were finally open for business for the day. Not even realizing that he had unlocked the entryway, I kicked myself into overdrive, trying to get the shelves fully stocked before the customers started to pour in. Our rush hour usually takes place between nine to about eleven am. We get a little break for about thirty minutes and then the lunch rush comes. That typically last until three o’clock. By this point, it slows way down giving us a chance to restock as needed and possibly have a cigarette or two. Also, if we get hungry it’s the perfect opportunity to sneak in a bite to eat.

I enjoy being at work, seeing as it helps to keep my mind off of Rik and how much I wish he was home. It really isn’t as bad as I make it out to seem. Going home to an empty house is, what I would say, the worst part about it. Not having someone to talk to constantly, not having someone to goof off with, and not having someone next to you at night. It gets very lonely at times. I’ve always heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I never really understood the meaning of that until Rik got into the pilot profession. I believe, one-thousand percent, that it’s a fact. When he comes home, I always sense that my heart grows three more inches in diameter after he returns.

At that exact moment, a customer had entered into the store that has been shopping here since I was a child. She walks here every day with her Golden Retriever, Ringo, and buys the local newspaper; The Greenville Advocate. Grabbing a treat from behind the counter, I went out to shake Ringo’s paw and give him a good scrubbing. That animal is every bit of fifteen years old. I remember when she got him. It was right after my dad had died. He was just a puppy then. My how he has grown. His face, mostly white and grey in color, was still as sweet as it ever was. Ringo has the most beautiful chestnut colored eyes, now joined by a slight film overtop. With his tail going back and forth as fast as a propeller blade, I offered him the treat that he so patiently waited for. He was so gently taking the bacon flavored treat from my hand. I kissed him on the head and gave him one last pet before heading back inside to my post.

“Andria, sweetheart. Could you point me in the direction of your bar soap? I can’t seem to locate it this morning.” Mrs. Young pleaded.

I turned to look, only to figure out that it was an item that I had not yet gotten to on my runner of goodies. No wonder why she couldn’t find it. She knows where everything is in this place. Mr. Marks tried offering her a job at one point, but she decided to decline his offer because she felt as though that it would have been too much for her health wise. Being the man that he is, Mr. Marks understood completely and accepted that. He also told her that if she ever changed her mind, to let him know.

“Here you are Mrs. Young. I apologize for the inconvenience. We are running a bit behind this morning and I hadn’t quite gotten to putting it out for you yet. Are you just going to get one today or should I set two aside for you?” Sometimes she would stock up so that she wouldn’t have to get anymore for a while.

“Better get two today sweetheart. That way I will be covered for the next month or so. And you don’t have to apologize. I understand that time gets away from you periodically. That happens to me quite often nowadays.”

She made her way to the counter, paper in hand. After I finished ringing up her purchase, she thanked me and made her way outside where Ringo was waiting for her. That dog is so well-behaved and trained that she doesn’t ever need to put a leash on him. He always stays right with her and knows when he has to sit and wait for her outside. They are like two peas in a pod.

The rest of the shift was a blur, going by so fast that I lost track of time and ended up staying an hour past what I was scheduled. Mr. Marks had told me “I don’t care where you go, but you can’t stay here.” Along with it came a smile, as he went to go take care of a customer. I didn’t have to be told twice. Exhausted, I managed to gather my things and make my way to the parking lot. Bleep, bleep. That was such an inviting sound. Opening the door and sliding in the driver’s seat, I put the key in the ignition and was off to go see my mom.

It had been just about a week since we had seen each other. That isn’t uncommon if Rik is getting ready to go out of town. As much as I love spending time with mom, she understands that its difficult on me when he isn’t around. She gives us our privacy, knowing that I will be coming by for a visit starting the first day that he departs. My mom is so understanding that it seems unreal at times. I guess that is where I get my patience from. By learned behavior and being observant as a child, I picked up a lot of her qualities that, I feel, will stay with me forever.

Pulling up to the house, I noticed that the door was open anticipating my arrival. I walked up the stairs, feeling the imaginary cinderblocks that rested on top of my feet. I couldn’t wait to take these shoes off. Turning the doorknob and stepping inside the living room, the smell of cinnamon welcomed me with delight. There was always a scent that devoured you whenever you entered her home.

“My goodness Andria, you look worn out. What time did you get up this morning? How was work?” she asked impatiently.

“The first time or the second time?” She looked at me like I belonged in the mental institution. “First time was around three-thirty this morning and the second time was six o’clock” I said with a heavy tone. “In answer to your second question, my day was good. It went by fast. We were busy off and on throughout the day. Had to do a lot of stocking because whoever closed last night wasn’t able to get to it in time before having to close up for the evening. I didn’t mind it though. It helped to keep my mind off of things.”

“You mean Rik leaving?” she asked. Indicating that she had been correct in her assumption, I nodded and said “Well yes that and the conversation that Mr. Marks and I had about dad.” I quickly glanced at her, trying to decide on whether or not I wanted to witness her reaction to my statement. Her focus turned towards the mantle, where a picture of my parents sat in a black and silver frame on their wedding day. I continued “He told me about a conversation that he and dad had while you were still pregnant with me. You never told me about that.”

“Honestly sweetie, I wasn’t aware of the fact that they had a conversation. Was I there?” she asked still looking at the photograph.

“I’m not sure. Mr. Marks didn’t comment on that. Granted, I’m not sure where you would have been considering you guys went everywhere together. It was rare that the two of you were in separate locations at a time. Or, at least, that is what I can recall.”

“Yes that is true. What was the conversation about?”

“He expressed his concerns about being a new parent and the fear that he had of failing me as a father. Apparently, dad had also asked Mr. Marks to look after us if anything ever happened to him. He then went on to say how proud dad would be of me now, how much I’ve grown up and turned into this beautiful young woman.” I could see the tears in her eyes. Obviously, this conversation was moving for her.

“Well, I have to say that I agree with him Andria. Your father would be more than proud of you. You were always the apple of his eye. Allan has been on my mind a lot, especially lately. It’s almost like he is still here; still alive somewhere in the world. But I know that’s not possible. They never did figure out what happened to his body. I feel as though that because they never located him, is the reason that I still feel that connection to him. Because I never had the opportunity to say goodbye. The airlines never even had a record of him getting onto the plane. He had gotten such a good discount that he didn’t need a ticket to board the plane. Therefore, his name was never on the list of passengers on board.”

“You never told me that.” A sense of betrayal briefly rushed over me. I never knew any of this information until this very moment.

“I was protecting you from the truth in your years of youth. I didn’t want to somehow get your hopes up that your father might still be out there somewhere. I wanted you to focus on getting through school and graduating. The situation was already tough on you as it was without me adding to it. Figuring that I would share it with you when you were older, I kept it buried. That is until now. Why has he been on your mind?”

“I had another nightmare last night about that day. That’s why I was up at three-thirty. Woke me up out of a dead sleep” I told her with a hint of spice to my answer. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she had been keeping this information a secret for the last fifteen years. Being out of school for almost seven years, it was a little difficult for me to believe that school was the main reason for staying quiet.

I headed for the kitchen, curious to see if she had any beer in the house. Opening the door to the fridge, I was pleased to discover that she did, in fact, have some handy. Miller Lite was the only option I had to choose from. I grabbed two, thinking that mom could use one as well. I popped off the tops and tossed them on the counter. Rik was obsessed with saving them for when the world ends. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

I walked back to the living room and handed mom the beer, wishing that I hadn’t of brought up dad. We sat there in silence for a few moments, neither of us exactly sure what to say. We were able to talk about anything. It didn’t matter what the subject was whether it be boys, grades, school, work, or even just random things that make us think of each other throughout the day. But when it came to discussing Mr. Allan Sheekel, things got a little tense sometimes. While I understand why she chose the actions that she did, I was still hurt. Hurt and angry with the fact that she thought I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Even now.

She sensed my frustration and commented “Andria, I truly am sorry. I honestly didn’t know what else to do with that information. It’s not that I thought you couldn’t handle it, but I knew that you would have had questions that I wouldn’t have been able to answer. That nobody would have been able to answer. I still have yet to get the answers to my questions. And I probably never will. I have come to accept that over the course of many years. Because I was grieving and having as hard of a time with it as I was, I don’t know if I would have been able to forgive myself had I had to watch you go through what I did. In your mind, at the time, the solution was simple; that he was gone for good. I figured that it was best if it stayed that way.”

Streams of tears stained my face, as I listened to the words being spoken to me. I couldn’t control it anymore. Couldn’t hold back the pain and sorrow any longer. Putting her beer down and pushing herself up out of the chair, my mom walked over to the sofa and sat down next to me. Putting her arms around me, she pulled me in close to her, holding me while I sobbed in her arms. “It’s okay baby girl. Just let it out. Let it all out. Shhh it’s all going to be okay.” She rocked me back and forth until I must have passed out.

When I finally awakened, my watch said seven-thirty pm. I quickly sat up, glancing around to see where mom was. I didn’t see her so I got up and moved around the house, still in a state of shock and embarrassment from my actions earlier in the afternoon. How could I have been so ignorant to think that my mom was being selfish with the information about dad? I vaguely rolled my eyes, disgusted with the way that I handled that situation.

After searching in the den and the kitchen with no luck, my next guess was the bedroom. What do you know, there she sat on her bed, book in hand, with the most intense look on her face that I have ever seen. She must have been really focused on the part in the story, because she jumped so high in the bed that I was waiting for her to go through the ceiling and take off like a rocket ship.

Laughing I said “I’m sorry for scaring you mom. I thought you heard me come in.” I couldn’t contain myself and started to laugh uncontrollably. I think the exhaustion was starting to take over me, making me do things that I wouldn’t ordinarily do.

“I also wanted to apologize for earlier. I really didn’t know how to react about what you had revealed to me other than to cry hysterically. And pass out. That was the last piece of information that I would have ever expected to come out of your mouth. I had no idea.”

“I know you didn’t sweetie, but I am the one that should be apologizing. For keeping it from you for all these years. I really didn’t know how to bring it up or how you were going to react. That still is no excuse. I should have told you way before now.”

“Mom, its water under the bridge at this point as far as I’m concerned. You did what you had to do to protect me and for that I thank you. I admire you for being as strong as you were. Being able to be there for me as well as yourself, for fifteen long years, could not have been easy. Everything happens the way it does for a reason and sometimes we aren’t meant to understand those reasons. So, if I never understand fully, then that’s okay. I can live with that. But give me a hug so that I can go home and get a shower before bed. I have to be to work at eight o’clock again tomorrow but I’m going to try and go to the gym beforehand. I love you momma” I said as I wrapped my arms around her.

“I love you too sweetie. Get home safe. I’ll see you soon.” I let go of her and turned to walk away, stopping in the doorway and willing my fingers in the form of a wave. She blew me a kiss, along with her sweet sweet smile. I poured out the unfinished beer that was now luke warm, disposing of the trash in the recycling bin. I gathered my belongings and headed out of the main entranceway. Finding the key that belonged to the house I grew up in, I locked both the handle and the deadbolt. My mom always kept this place locked up like Fort Knox.

Thankfully we didn’t live that far apart from one another. It was only a couple miles down the road. I couldn’t wait to get home, strip, and take a nice hot shower. It wasn’t long until I got my wish. I was home and in the shower by quarter after eight, having the water so hot that it would have melted Rik’s skin off. I loved it. Felt so good on every muscle in my body, seeing as I was stiff between work and passing out on mom’s couch.

While drying off, I became aware of the fact that I still needed to eat something for dinner. After getting dressed and brushing my hair, I put the dirty clothes where they belonged and strolled down the hallway to the kitchen. My coffee cup from this morning was still sitting there, full and cold. The thought made me cringe as I poured the cup’s contents down the drain and rinsed it out. Focus Andria, focus. You have to eat something.

I opened the freezer, praying that there was at least one of the TV dinners left from the trip to the grocery store that I had made last week. There were still three in there, starting to accumulate the first stages of frostbite. I had a choice between Salisbury steak with corn and mashed potatoes, which there were two of, or chicken strips with mashed potatoes and corn. Hmmm let’s go with…. Salisbury steak. I haven’t had that in a while.

Picking my poison, I threw it in the microwave and watched it rotate for the next three minutes. That’s three minutes of my life I will never get back. I was able to get to door open before that final second disappeared, catching it before the beeping started. I cannot stand the sound of the microwave beep. Drives me absolutely insane.

After fixing my dinner and grabbing a coke, I headed to my office where I had my things strewn from one wall to the next. I really need to get in here and organize this. It’s getting a little out of control. Even as present as that thought was, I was only focused on one thing; my postcards. They were neatly stacked on the edge of my desk, on the verge of falling over the edge and flying everywhere. It wouldn’t have mattered if that had occurred because each one has the date of when they became in the possession of whoever picked it up for me. Even still, the thought of having to pick anything up and reorganize it right now, was enough to make me move them to somewhere I knew they wouldn’t fall.

I picked up my dinner and drink as well, moving to the bedroom where I could be comfortable and finally relax. I scarfed down my food so fast that I’m not real sure that I even know what it tasted like. Taking a few swigs of coke, I washed down the meal that I devoured in a matter of minutes. These photographs took me down a trip of memory lane. At least with a few of them. My dad started the tradition of bringing me back a postcard every time he went away for work. On more than one occasion, he would bring back multiple cards at a time from the places that he had flown to. Since age seven, I have every postcard that he ever brought back to me. Rik continued the tradition when he got his pilot license, only bringing me postcards from locations that my father hadn’t already been to.

These were one piece of evidence that I have left of my father that I hold very near and dear to my heart. They helped me to discover something that I never dreamt was possible. Most nights, before I lay my head down to rest for the evening, I look at one of the postcards out of the pile. I study it, concentrating on every detail that there is to see. I read the location over and over again until I fall into a deep and undisturbed sleep. Tonight’s destination is Kauai, Hawaii.

Within the blink of an eye, I can now feel the warm breeze upon my cheek as well as the water that surrounds my ankles. Opening my eyes, I see the exact image of the postcard. Lavender purple blending with mandarin orange matched beautifully to make up the most breathtaking sunset that I’ve ever had the privilege to witness. The outline of the palm trees, the hills, and the rocks that were in the water were black in color but still a majestic sight. I couldn’t believe that I was here. I couldn’t believe that I was fortunate enough to have this rarity of a gift. Some nights it seems like I’m away from home for days at a time while other nights it seems as if I come back home just as quick as I had left.

I sat on the beach, listening to the waves crash on the shore until the sun was completely set behind the horizon. Even though darkness emerged, the air itself was still warm. I laid down, not caring about the fact that I was now covered in the white sand that was beneath me. The salty air rushed through my lungs like a speeding bullet. I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted to stay here until Rik was back at home. Unfortunately, I knew that my visit was going to be short-lived, as is them all. I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, letting them fall heavily until they had completely shut. The last thing I remember is the way the sand felt against my fingertips, soft and warm like a blanket on a cold night. It comforted me as I drifted off to sleep, returning to the place that I call home.