Reminiscences of the Dead

What's in the mind of a dead person, supposing its mind still thinks while its body rots?

My eyes opened in hesitation

As darkness turned to dawn.

The warmth of the sun's rays

Battled with the cool air

That caressed and teased

The foliage of the trees.

The chirping of the birds,

The sound of the breeze,

The swooshing of the leaves

And the whistle of the kettle,

Oh! How I so marveled

At how musical they were, altogether.

Still feeling so sleepy,

The view was blurry:

The curtain that flew

Made me see the hue

Of the sky that's so blue,

Oh! How I so marveled

At the beauty of sight after my slumber.

I smelt the soft bed and pillow

Where I drooled and wallowed.

The aroma of the creamed coffee

Found its way from the kitchen onto me.

Oh! How I so marveled

At the zestfulness of the smell.

Sadly, darkness has conquered my sight,

And it's letting me see no spec, no light.

Numbness and coldness has engulfed this body,

Subjecting it to decay and insectile scrutiny,

Asleep forever in this abyss of nothingness,

I'll be eternally unconscious, why, my goodness?!

Oh! How I so yearn for and miss

Waking up with the taste of bliss.

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This piece really has a lot of depth for me. It elucidated on lot of things, unraveling a lot of thoughts. Certainly a very delightful read. I'm going to rate it 100/100 - but there are few things that I would like to tell you here :)

Though the choice of words here is very appropriate, but at some point - I felt like you are forcefully rhyming the lines. It is not always essential to rhyme your lines - sometimes, most of the time - free verse is more beautiful than the rhyming lines.
For example, in lines
"The curtain that flew
Made me see the hue
Of the sky that's so blue," - I felt like you are "trying" to rhyme here. Though it sounds very beautiful and the flow is perfect - but it felt a little forceful.
Also, here:
Asleep forever in this abyss of nothingness,
I'll be eternally unconscious, why, my goodness?!
This line was again felt forceful.

One more thing I'm going to point out here, which probably no fellow poet here will tell you (this is something that I personally believe, and you can ignore this advice if you want to). But, I think so that a poetry should have a structure.
For example, 3 paragraphs of 4 lines each. This poem on the other hand have number of lines in each paragraph as: 2-4-6-7 and so on. A lot of people will have no objection on this, but I consider it while I read, a lot.

Rest the poem is very beautiful :) Great work here.

[Sir Joe]

Thank you so much, Sir Bhavya. (=
I will consider these pointers. (=
I really appreciate this review of yours. Not all poets would tell you negative things. That is why I'm more than thankful to have read these words from you.
I used an indefinite number of lines per stanza because that's what I observed from other writers. I just thought that that would not be considered much especially during these post-modern times. Anyhow, I'm still glad that you mentioned those things. I might as well go back to the writing with a regular pattern and number of lines per stanza.
I appreciate much your words. (=
I'm looking forward to reading your reviews of my works again. (=

[Bhavya Kaushik]

No problem. Always happy to review :)

[Admiral Kirk]

This poem is great! It really stuck a chord with me. It's also a very subtle reminder of the importance of life, and waking up to a new day with a smile on your face. This poem is great; the words are stung together in a wonderful way, and they beautifully capture the joy of life and the eternal nothingness and sadness of death.

[Sir Joe]

thank you so much, JS. (=

[kayla]

Wow. I really enjoyed this. The last stanza was amazingly concluding. I liked the topic of the poem, and I agree that "eternal slumber" does not sound like much fun :P Good write.

[Maan]

This is wonderful combination of nothing and something. You have an excellent sense of mixing and linking two different situations and ways to one. I was completely startled to read the last stanza as I didn't see it coming. The start of the last stanza can be better as from my point of view. Because 'sadly' sounds so helpless and one feels low feelings for it like pity. It suppose to be strong, like you can use 'but'.
Any ways It was such a classical read. You have a great sense of using words, and you know how to express yourself without having control or stop on your thoughts. Keep writing and KEEP SHARING the good work. :)

Maan

[Sir Joe]

Thank you so much, Maan. (=
Thanks for the boost. (=

[Maan]

You deserve it my new friend. . :)

[Mazie Tackett]

Excellent use of the senses. "The sound of the breeze" "The view was blurry" "At the zestfulness of the smell" "That caressed and teased" "Waking up with the taste of bliss" Wonderful, you brought me along for the ride. The imagery used was spectacular also. It was as if the words were jumping off the page and coming to life. I also like how you threw in a few rhymes every now and then. Then you used a bunch of big words which was great

[Sir Joe]

Thank you so much, Mazie. (=
So glad to have read your review. (=

[Mazie Tackett]

Your happy to read your poem

[Mazie Tackett]

Your happy to read your poem

[Yellow Butterfly]

This is a powerful write with depth and meaning of how you perceive life and death. Nothing should be taken for granted in this life, we only get one chance and not everyone will be granted Eternal Slumber.

"Asleep forwever in this abyss of nothingness" - Sir Joe

We live in such a crazy world....... to live in 'Eternal slumber' would be heavenly....


What a wonderful thought and a beautifullly penned poem Well Done Sir Joe :o)

[Sir Joe]

Thank you so much, Yeloow Butterfly. (=

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I always say that any day i wake up is a good day.. and having coffee to start it off makes it even better. Your poem is a very uplifting boost.

[Sir Joe]

Thank you (=

[Dean Kuch®]

I really enjoy reading a piece such as you've written here. One that ensnares with its enticing visualizations, picks me up, and deposits me within the verse. The descriptive prose you've chose enveloped me within it's story. I could smell the aroma of coffee as it wafted from the kitchen and whispered 'Awaken!' to my nostrils as I lay warm and cozy in my bed. I could hear the Robins and Sparrows just outside my bedroom window, chirp-chirping their scoldings at me for still being in bed. I could feel the cool, northern breezes invade the heat of summer
and softly tickle the hairs on my arms as a storm approaches, causing them to goose bump.
There are small things such as these in our lives that I, for one, take for granted. But this writing made me reminded me just how truly important such things truly are, and I am grateful to you for reminding me!
Thanks for sharing such a stirring write! Beautifully done...

[Sir Joe]

Another hell of a review from Dean. (=
Thank you so much for the support, for the appreciation and for the liking of my works. (=

[Dean Kuch®]

Keep it up...with a smile on your face and your chin pointed in the same direction!
You are welcome!

[Sir Joe]

(= Writers like you really are good inspirations. (=
Your reviews make me wanna write more. (=

[Ceri]

Wow, I love this! Your writing is so sensual; I can hear everything, smell everything, see and touch everything- in the last stanza, I almost felt like these things had actually been ripped away from me, great impact! So much gorgeous rhyming too, and flow. Personally, I don't object to the irregular structure, I think you've used it appropriately here for effect. To begin with, I was going to criticize this line, "Subjecting it to decay and insectile scrutiny", at first I thought it disturbed the flow of the stanza (though the words out of the context of the poem are great), but after re-reading a couple times it became more natural. Perhaps it comes more naturally after the tongue gets used to saying the words in that order, I think maybe the mix of sounds in this line are a bit confusing on the first read. I really enjoyed this poem though, great work! :)

[Sir Joe]

Many thanks to you, Ceri. (=
This would be the nth time for me to say thank you for giving me such constructive reviews. (=
I'm sure I'm not the only one who says such words to you. (=

[Ceri]

And you're very welcome, for the nth time :) Looking forward to your next poem!

[Theresa]

Such a beautiful piece of writing. I love the stanza that begins, "Still feeling so sleepy..." One can sense the inner peace and calmness. This piece really appeals to the senses.

[Sir Joe]

Thank you so much, Theresa. (=