Piano Smithereens

It was sometime before I got Derek to help me with the removal of Theo’s piano. I asked him to bring a bat.

There it sat in the graveyard of splintered wood and broken glass that was my backyard. The wind whistled through it’s broken body. It stood, nobly it seemed, with it’s innards displayed. Strings, ran like veins up to it’s piano heart that no longer beat, keys missing, like broken teeth. It couldn’t stay so together, yet not whole. It was kind of like those animal shows when a lion is hunting the antelope. The antelope gets bitten on it’s leg and lions are hanging off of it but it’s still running. I’m sure if I wanted I could have found a few working keys. This thing was still trying, but I knew the lions always get that wounded antelope. I wouldn’t let it sit there and let the wind whistle through it while it was still capable of a few individual notes. It wasn’t right.

“Give me the bat.” I held out my hand.

“What are you going to do?”

“What do you think?” I stretch my hand towards him insistently. “Give it.”

He hesitates to hand it over, but gingerly drops it in my hand. I test the weight of it and wait for Silence to place his hand on my shoulder. I just felt peace. With one fell swoop I blasted the bat into the piano’s side sending splinters of wood across the yard. The sweet feeling of being in control of something’s existence washed over me. Crashing glass echoed in my ear.

“Woah! Dana!” Derek shouted and grabbed the bat.

“Let go!” I shouted back and tore it from his hands. “Just let me do this. Ok?”

“... Sure. Fine,” he said after a beat of silence.

I shouldered the bat once more. The collection of boards, strings, and keys sat in defiance. It was still holding onto its last shred of dignity. It had once been beautiful in it’s own right, complete and unsoiled. Now it would be beautiful in its destruction. A skeleton exposed to whoever happened past. Vulnerable. I understood it all too well.

This piano was never mine to keep. How I had been so foolish as to think otherwise was beyond me. This piano was Theo’s, he passed it off as merely part of his ticket to college, but the way he played it. It was so intrinsic to who he was, a second nature. The little boy without a winter jacket who snuck into music stores to play until his hands cramped. The boy who practiced concertos on his knees.

This piano was his escape, not mine. I took the bat to it again, bashing through it’s middle. Derek jumped.

I began to swing mercilessly. Wood splintered, chalky keys scraped against one another and I was shouting.

“F**k you!” I screamed. The words ripped from my throat as a stream of curses left my lips. The tears came next. “F**k you and this stupid town! F**k that f*****g lake! F**k you!”

Derek stopped me, I was about to swing again and he grabbed the bat pulling me into a hug. The bat was suddenly too heavy in my hands. Defeated, both it and my arm dropped from their intended swing. There was a desperation in my grip on his shoulder as I sobbed in his chest.

Derek stood there with me for what seemed like hours. I finally stood, straightened my back, set my shoulders, wiped my eyes, and put myself back together.

Derek said nothing. He picked up his bat and tapped my arm. “Hold out your hand.”

I hesitated but held out my hand.

“Here keep this.” He dropped a white and black key in my hand. They emitted their chalky tones of protest at being banged together.

“Why do I want this?”

“Just keep it, you’ll want it later.”

I rolled my eyes. “Very profound and metaphorical gesture.”

“Your welcome. Now shut up and take it.”

“Thanks,” I said and put them in my pocket.