Amends

Momma, I loved you but I didn't love me.

Momma, I beat you down to who I needed you to be.

Momma, I couldn't look you in your honest eyes.

Momma, my eyes were tired, cold and full of lies.

Momma, when I vanished, I wasn't running from you.

Momma, you were always there to see me shine through.

You believed in me, like no one else ever had.

I'm so sorry I changed your happy eyes to sad.

I couldn't let you see me keep losing, never winning.

I couldn't erase the pain, start over from the beginning.

I missed you when I was so cold, lost and alone.

I wanted so badly to be in your arms back home.

I drifted -
So far.

I dug open -
My bleeding scar.

Mind was lost.
Soul tossed.

Look what I lost.
Self respect.
Body wrecked.

I stole.
Lost my soul.

I lied.
Lost my pride.

You're my Momma, my best friend
Give me another chance to be Jenn.

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

That cuts Jenn. That was deep. I like how you repeated "momma" in the beginning of each stanza., and then kept it to two-three words per stanza when you speak of yourself, and the hurt she inflicted. It is sad how when we don't receive the proper love growing up it can affect us later in life. I had that same situation with my father, he wasn't there for me, and i always grasped to other male's arms. I no longer do this, but i feel where you are coming from.

[justjenn_2u]

I read your poem and weep from my soul. I have missed your innocense, your strong values, your love of life and eagerness to learn. I wish I could go back into time when all of this was an impossibility, but we all know that is not possible. I hope and pray that your poetic heart will help you heal and share a doorway to freedom from addiction for someone else that is struggling. My love will always be with you no matter what. Mom

[Kitty]

Aww Jenn, this is a poem about asking for forgiveness to those that we love the most, our parents.

I know this feeling full well, when you start to rebel as a independent and we end up going the wrong way.. only to find that when we're lost and turn back our mothers, or fathers, are still there with loving arms. Even if they are not here in this world anymore, in heaven they are glad to see us turn our evil, self destructive ways.

wherever mom is, she loves us.

Write on,
Melba

[Kari]

good

[Barbara Walker]

This is so sad, losing yourself. We have to learn so many lessons in life and some the hard way. I hope you've found home and your Mom and Jenn again. Great poem. Barbara

[K. Carver]

wow...^-^

[nothing grinner]

really enjoyed that, and i relate to it, brilliantly written good work

[Jason]

This was really strong and powerful, it bolted through me like a frieght train. Also, I identify totally. You can hold your head high knowing that you are there for yourself today, thus being there for your family, and especially your mom.
Good Job Jenn.
~j

[Joseph - Michael]

That was really a disturbing read. All I can say is that it's a really emotional write and I admire it very much so. I'd say the same thing about my father, but he's out of the picture, because I have better thing to do; Being there for my son and give him what I never had

Anyway, it's a real strong, yet too much of the unbearable writing and it's all good...

[Wolfwind Words]

Every little one should have a second chance to be themselves around their parents. Parents are forever in the eyes of the child. No matter how screwed up and crazy life gets. If a parent forsakes the child, then that is truly a sad day.
You have writen well about a journey against all odds, a recovery and are asking for that chance with mom. I hope you get it. for it is much deserving!
GReat Write! :)