Chapter 2 - The Crow

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I

 DECIDED TO SWING BY THE LIBRARY before heading to Mr. Sturns’ office. SCIENCE FAIR COMING SOON " SIGN UP HERE The signs were plastered above the door and every book shelf. I had been waiting for this day for months. Believe it or not, competition is quite fierce. The goal of the fair was to find a way to make the world a better place. If your project was chosen, you received a $15,000 scholarship. Not many people would turn down a chance to win something like that.

“Hey there!” As I approached the sign-up desk, Riley was walking toward me. She always volunteered at the school events, so it was no surprise to see her here working the desk.

“I see you’re signing up again this year.” She stood there with the biggest smile on her face. She always dressed in some sort of plaid shirt and jeans like she had just got done working on a farm. You would never guess she came from a wealthy family.

“Yeah, I figured I would give it another shot. Snagging second place last year was great and all, but I’m after first. That prize is too good to pass up.” I had a hard time keeping eye contact with her. I always felt nervous around her even though I’ve known her for years. She is beautiful and a perfect personality to match.

“I think you’ll do great this year. I’m on the committee again, so if you need anything just ask! Okay?” She took out a small notepad from her backpack and wrote her number down to give to me. She gave me a quick smile and walked off to help another student.

            I stood there trying to process what had just happened. I never had a girl just give me their number before. Guys like me usually don’t associate with girls like her. I threw her number in my wallet and finished filling out the sign-up form so I could get to Mr. Sturns’ office. The last time I was called into there, it was for my attendance. I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was for the same thing. It’s not that I hated school or didn’t want to be there, I just had a bad habit of staying up too late tinkering with little projects I was working on. Nothing extravagant, just homemade RFID readers, laser harps, etc., anything to do with a small motherboard and electricity. As I neared his office I became increasingly nervous. If I didn’t get expelled, I was okay with it I guess. Hammond University was extremely strict when it came to attendance. By the time I reached the door, he was already walking toward me.

“Ashton, please come in.” He said in a somewhat cheerful voice, something I was not expecting. “Have a seat. Would you like a water?”

“No thanks, I’m fine.”

“If you change your mind just let me know. I won’t keep you long. I was just wondering if you planned on participating in the science fair this year?

“Yeah, I actually just signed up before coming here.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I would love to see a student from Hammond take home first place this year.”

“That’s the plan.”

“The reason I called you in today is just to check up on you. I’ve noticed you’ve been coming into class late again and keeping to yourself quite a bit. Your grades seem to be falling behind as well.”

“I’m okay I guess. Just a lot going on outside of school and trying to figure out how to juggle it all.”

“I see. Time management is a very important skill to have.” He paused for a bit looking me over. “I won’t keep you any longer. I just wanted to see how things were going and to let you know that if you need anything that my door is always open.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” We shook hands and I headed out. Unsure what that was all about, I was just hoping the rest of the day went by smoothly.

***

            I opened my eyes staring at a ceiling fan that looked as if it could fall any minute, making a very faint squeaking noise as it slowly spun. The peeling wallpaper seemed to be something straight out of the 70’s. Small flowers and suns filled the design. Broken wooden furniture covered the floor. The room was absolutely depressing. Almost like someone placed a dark grey filter on the world. To the right of me, a large window overlooked multiple houses that also looked to be in ruins. The smell of dust and rotting wood was sickening. I could hear someone whispering but couldn’t make out the words. They were inside the house, just unsure where.

I slowly crawled out of bed toward the door leaving the room that was barely hanging on by its hinges, trying not to make a sound. The hallway was filled with more broken furniture. The only light source was coming from a few candles mounted on the walls in the hallway and down a set of stairs. As I got closer to the stairway, I could hear the voices more clearly.

“They’re coming! We’re running out of time!”

“Don’t worry, we can handle it. We always do.”

Who’s coming? What were they talking about? The voices sounded familiar, but I couldn’t match them to a face.

“If they’re not prepared in time…”

Trying to get closer to them, I knocked over one of the broken chairs.

“They’re here! Let’s go!”

I could hear both men running out one of the doors to the house, never able to see who they were. I stood up, a bit annoyed. Suddenly, a loud noise, like a bowling ball being dropped onto the floor, came from the room I was just in. Inching closer to the noise, a large shadowy figure come through the door, down the hallway, and knocked me back into the wall. I fell to the floor hard and fast. As soon as I caught my breath, I sat up to see where it had gone. Nothing in sight and complete silence.

I slowly stood up and started making my way to the stairway. I wasn’t sure what that thing was, but it wasn’t on my side. I couldn’t make out what it was. It was as if it was a large man made of smoke. Everything here felt so real, it was almost impossible to distinguish this place from reality.

As I slowly made my way down stairs, I could see a bit more light coming through the windows of what looked to be the main living area. It was hard to tell what noises belonged to what. The house was old, so it was constantly creaking. Downstairs, I could see the front door to the house. Through the windows was a very bright light, which was confusing since there was no light coming through the windows upstairs. It was so bright that I couldn’t see anything outside.

I slowly opened the front door and light poured through the entire house. In the midst on the light, right in front of me, I could see someone standing there, almost like they were… levitating. Too bright to see any features of the person. In that moment, with the light filling the house, I had never felt happier and more safe. The light was warm and made me feel that there was no such thing as sadness or fear.

***

I was awoken by the sound of pool balls clashing against one another. My uncle was retired, so he played quite a bit. He never knew the meaning of sleeping in.

As I sat up in the bed, I noticed the back of my head and my lower back was sore. My first thought was I had just slept weird. The more I thought about it though, three more I realized those were the same spots that hit the hardest when I got knocked back in my dream. Blowing it off as a coincidence, I ignored it. Since there was no classes on Saturday, I started to jot down ideas for my science fair project. The year before, I designed a converter to place on the back of motorcycles to reduce the harmful emissions that came from the exhaust without inhibiting sound or performance. Unfortunately, I didn’t win first. I was told it would take too much money and resources to fit every bike across the country.

This time, I wanted to focus more on energy. It’s not easy to produce large amounts of energy, which the world needs daily. Nuclear energy is great, but there needs to be an alternative.

I opened my wallet to take out Riley’s number. I was considering texting her to see if she would like to partner up. Like myself, she is also going to school to become an electrical engineer. Even though I was nervous to talk to her, I text her anyways. The worst she could say is no, right?

“Hey, it’s Ashton.” By the time I sat the phone down, she had already replied.

“Hey! I was wondering when I would hear from you :)” She seemed a bit too excited to be talking to someone like me.

“I’m sorry to bother you. I was just wondering if you would like to be my partner for the science fair?”

“Not even a ‘How are you?’ or anything first? Haha jk. I would love to!”

“That’s awesome! Let me know when you’re free to meet up and we can go over a few ideas I have.”

“Sounds fun! Talk to you soon!”

I’ve always done projects solo, so having someone else to help was great. The rest of the day went as planned. I just sat in my room working on project details and homework for other classes. Pretty much like every other weekend. I always loved the idea of Nano-Technology. It amazed me how something so small could carry out those complicated functions. Solar power was another piece of technology that fascinated me. I was thinking I could combine the two somehow.

The explosive sounds of the balls clashing gave me a headache. It was almost deafening. It made me realize that meeting up here to do the project wasn’t a good idea. Riley was raised around a lot money and sophistication. Even though she was raised the way she was, she never showed it or bragged about it. She was always very modest and one of the nicest people I had ever met. I was on the other end of the spectrum. No money and a country hick life style. We had enough to get by, but that was it.

Since I was set on my idea for my project, I decided to start researching ways to implement solar energy into everyday life. Battery powered vehicles and equipment was on the rise, but you still had a lot of downtime recharging. If we could harness energy wherever and whenever, the possibilities of what they could do would be endless.

Tired of the noise from the other room, I got dressed to go on a walk to clear my head. Living in the country had its ups and downs. If you ever needed time alone, it was as simple as walking out the back door and onto a path through the woods, or simply down an old back road. There was very little noise from vehicles, so it was quite peaceful. I lived on a little side road right outside of town. There were about seven house total on my road separated by a few acres of woods and farmland. The neighbors were all smiles and as friendly as could be.

Up ahead near the end of the road was a four way stop. That was my turn around spot. It was about a two-and-a-half-mile walk, so it was a decent walk. This time was a bit different though. Perched on top of the stop sign was a bird black as night. Normally, I wouldn’t pay a random animal any attention since they were so common. This bird was strange though. It closely resembled a crow apart from the two white feathers, one on the end of each wing. Its head turned to follow every step I made. I attempted to get closer when a horn blared from behind me. I spun around to see a camo colored truck stopped only a couple of feet away. I jumped out of the way and he sped off. When I turned back toward the bird, it was gone. I wasn’t sure how to explain what I had just felt. Standing near it, I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I felt extremely sad and angry at the same time. Since the bird was long gone, I started the walk back home.

Reviews

[Joshua Pleming]

So, pretty much the same thing here. A lot of detail thrown together, which is completely normal for a rough draft. You give a lot of character details which is good for you to know but you might want to consider giving them out sparingly. The reader is learning about these characters for the first time, so you want to take your time building the backstory around each one, which is also a great way to put together clever dialogue. Think of the reader as a baby you're feeding. You wouldn't shove the whole bottle of baby food down it's throat. You would give it one spoonful at a time. I really like where you're going with the dreams. I can feel intensity building. I, personally, like to convey things as if I'm thinking about them through the characters actual point of view. For example, when you write "Up ahead near the end of the road was a four way stop. That was my turn around spot." I might change it up to "I came up to the four way stop at the end of the road and made my usual turn back home." It gives a clear cut idea that the character often does this activity and makes the four way stop more pertinent. It's really all about mind set but you'll find you'll revise and sharpen your draft many, many times, especially if it's your first manuscript.

[Sylenn]

This is exactly the type of review I am looking for. I really appreciate the feedback. I've always written short stories or poems, this is my first attempt at a novel. I will have a lot of editing to do. Point of view writing is also new to me, so I can already see I will struggle in some spots with that. Thank you for your time reviewing both chapters, it means a lot!

[Joshua Pleming]

You are very welcome. When I first started on my story, everyone would tell me it was really great and that's about all the help I would get. I yearned for constructive criticism and never got it which led to my story taking quite a while to develop. So I know how important a little help is, especially early on. Good luck with the story. I look forward to seeing where it goes. If you ever want some tips, tricks or general advice, just hit me up.