THE PAIN OF WORDS AND OF THE HAND

When I woke up in the morning

   I took a walk outside

To My surprise I was still alive.

   I Thanked the Lord for helping me threw

All the horor and pain I have endored and gone through.

   Wandering if I would wake up to another day

or will it be to late.

Physical or mental it hurts all the same in every way.

    For years I felt I had to fight

Had to keep my eyes open and never lose sight.

     I did'nt want to lose my life I knew I had enough.

When I left I was scared as could be,

     I kept thinking of what my life really will be

cause evrything around me seemed so cloudy to me.

     I hated to fell the breeze hitting my face

cause alot of the times I felt my life was a waste.

     I really did'nt like to think

cause all the memories of the misery would not go away.

     Feeling alone and insure,not feeling complete nomore.

Now I do not worry ,cause life is not so scary

      I stood my ground then,and now I feel free again.

 

    

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

I like the layout of this piece, the indentation makes it look kind of unusual. I also like your title; it's intriguing, and I wonder how much of a clue it provides the reader with - e.g. does it perhaps indicate a past ezxperiences of verbal and physical abuse...or maybe I'm compeltely misunderstanding.


"I Thanked the Lord for helping me threw" [threw = through]
"All the horor and pain I have endored" [horror] [endured]
"Wandering if I would wake up to another day" [Wandering = Wondering?]
"or will it be to late" [too late]
"I did'nt want to lose my life" [didn't]
"cause evrything around me seemed so cloudy" ['cause] [everything]
"I hated to fell the breeze hitting my face" [fell = feel?]
"Feeling alone and insure,not feeling complete nomore" [insure = unsure?] [nomore = no more]

Unlike some of your other reviewers, I think the double negative of 'no more' works well to give a sense of the narrator's voice, making it more alive for us.

I think you've done a good job with the rhyme scheme that you set yourself, although there's always the risk
that sticking to the structure may limit a poet's expression. If any of the lines feel over-contrived, to fit the rhyme, to you, maybe consider a non-rhyming version of this too.

Open and emotive. Nice work.

Thanks for reviewing my poem and requesting me to come check your work out.

[Ladysue]

Sad, but the ending was wonderful. Very impressive read!!!!

[Brianna Brie]

You have a gentle way of getting across a hopeful message. One of love and respect to all those in abusive relationships. Impressive read.

[Adrian K. Smith]

It is amazing, how many can forget to give thanks. You did not, though. You acknowledged that you received just enough help that you were able to stand your ground against the pain that tormented you so. Cloudy is the right word for much of that pain. To me, most physical pain is easier to deal with because you know exactly what hurts. You can focus on that, work with that, and deal with it. When it comes to emotional pain, it simply obfuscates the matter - you know there is something wrong, you know how terrible you feel, you know it has something to do with you. You cannot pinpoint it though, and it always seems that right as you are about to narrow it down - it shifts - and well, it goes on. It is a monstrous thing, that our emotions can turn on us as such - that which could give us such joy, that brings about such despair.

[Valentine]

It seems like many of us that have been in an abusive situation seem to want to express it and let it go so others might see and know they are much better off when they walk away from the pain of abuse. I know pain from the mouth can hurt worse than from the hand..In my case the fist left me disabled...the words still haunt me..Nice write..Needs the typos fixed..God bless..Valentine

[James Horsley]

I like your voice, and you do create a good atmosphere for your poems. However, I think at times, you've sacrificed power or flow in a line for the sake of a rhyme.
Your work certainly touches the heart, but I think 'd work on structure a little bit, and there are a few spelling errors.

Like I've been told before: polish this up just a little bit and it will really shine!

[jen -- JG]

This is filled with sadness, memories, fear and pain and yet shows a strength and hope.

You do need to check spelling etc because while not terribly important in something just as a piece of writing, if you are looking for publication, correct spelling is a must a writing.

You can always get a good idea if the poem works or not, by reading it aloud.

I understand this is also fraught with problems because spoken words are sometimes not spelt the way they sound and the same sounding words spelt differently do have different meaning.

All it needs is a bit of patience and watch what you write.

That being said, you wrote this from your heart and everything that comes from your heart, your soul or your life brings life to your words.

I am so glad you found the strength to walk and be free.

(((((hugs))))
jen-JG

[Nick Erickson]

You've captured your feelings in this and as I read I could feel the depression being shaken off as a new day dawned for you. Well done in expressing your feelings.

The layout threw me a bit as did the flow. I got some good advice when I first came to WC and I'll pass it on to you. Record yourself reading the poem, story, etc... and then listen to it and it will give you a real good feel for how the flow of the poem, story, etc... is going. It really helps to hear it read outloud. Or, just ask one of your children to read it to you.

Again, well done.

[Berserker[Diktator Von ..]

Wow, this was an emotional piece. Grea job on it though. Emotional pieces are always hard to write, but you pull it off..Great job!...=0)

Love always,
Berserk

[Frances Smart]

That's a pretty good description of my old friend Depression. Pretty nicely done, I might add. I was set free when I realized that my God was bigger than my problems. It sounds as if you have had that realization yourself.

[Ray Hamilton]

Stand tall be yourself
Life does go on no matter what happens
The sun will rise and tomorrow is brand new day
Wonderful write I enjoyed
Thanks Ray { Not a Poet }