Garden for the Homeless

This is a companion piece to Stokes Croft

 

Beside a derelict car park’s shuttered entrance
a man places a bottle to his lips.

He watches teenagers push

               biscuit-stained buggies,  
over sweet-wrapper pavements.

 

Unfilled windows overlook
the Kurdish Post Office and Somali Internet Café.

I stop and wonder -

who placed the turf on the car-park steps?

Who planted it with primroses

and shade of graffiti primulas

bright yellow, blue and red petals

blades of grass beneath these concrete walls?

Author's Note

I have revised this one quite a bit, trimmed it back and hopefully improved the structure ect while I hope not losing the sense of place. Love to know if people think I'm moving in the right direction.

Reviews

[Sel Whiteley]

I think that some of the images in this poem are stunning. It can be very hard to defamiliarise an urban environment. Through your words I am able to experience your sense of shock at finding a garden in such a place. I really feel like I know this place well.
However, I am confused by the movement. I took it that the homeless man was sat on the top step overlooking the goings-on of the street, that his shelter was in fact part of the car park. Yet, I would of liked to see him as a stronger focal point.
I also thought that at points some of your adjectives were a little predictable: �Glass bottle� for instance, and �multi-storey car park�. I also thought �ing�s� gave the poem a pace that wasn�t entirely suited to someone pausing to admire a tranquil garden in the middle of an urban sprawl. I might have put something like:


In a shelter beside the shuttered entrance
to a broken-floored car park,
a man places a bottle to his lips
watches Stokes Croft:
poster-bedecked buses promote Bristol Zoo,


One,
two,
three,
four,
five
steps down

the sweet-wrapper strewn pavement
teenagers push biscuit-stained buggies,
the Irish road maintenance team lean on their spades.

Unfilled windows overlook
the Kurdish Post Office and Somali Internet Caf�.

I stop -
wonder who placed the turf
on the car-park steps
a momentarily litter-free
garden for the homeless?

Who planted it with primroses
and shade of graffiti primulas
bright yellow, blue and red soft petals
and blades of grass
beneath concrete walls?

Of course, these are just my opinions for you to take or leave as you choose.

[Blackbirdsong]

You didn't lose the sense of the place to me at all, but then again I read the original seven months ago and I can't remember it in detail. Of course that's probably because I've read over 500 poems for the book and its all starting to be a blur.

Love this though. You have such a gift for writing about place and making me feel as if I'm standing right there and seeing everything as you describe.

[An Ordinary Woman]

A very peaceful piece of poetry. I like how you laced the the beauty of a garden into it, giving it so much charm.

Who planted it with primroses
and shade of graffiti primulas
bright yellow, blue and red soft petals
and blades of grass
beneath concrete walls?

Very nice work. :) I enjoyed it very much!

[Blackbirdsong]

It is amazing how something beautiful can exist in the middle of a city. Something as simple as a puddle with sunshine reflecting off it can be magical. I feel like I'm walking with you as you describe this scene and I'm seeing the city and the different people encountered, and like you the flowers and grass have an almost surprising, wonderful power in their simple just being there.

Thank you for sharing this.

take care :)

[Dj Golden]

Well this certainly answers all the questions I had about "Stokes Croft" I really enjoy that something so simple as grass on the steps brought on such wonderings, especially the part about it being a garden for the homeless. Its a wonderous look at the power of nature even in the inner-city, which I think many people forget when they live in such an urban setting.

[Chris Madoch- Editor Of..]

This will grow on me like grass on concrete steps. The imagry is brilliant. SO Bristol has become a ZOO of cultures- how deftly you swipe that and deal gracefully with the aftermath. In the future people will visit our social failings much like the proletariat today, neglect their political obligations and choose to waste time in theme parks instead. You and me share a similar hymn book. Now see what the poem made me do- open up and feel something. Thank you. Best wishes Chris.

[Donald Meikle]

BTW you're right. Sel's better. (I hate t' tell a woman she's right) But Sel cheats she's psychic.
I am fearful of using powers like that.

[Donald Meikle]

Line three.
He tipples from the bag that hides the bottle
As double decker adverts shill the zoo
This is not wot Don set out ter do!

[Donald Meikle]

I've been so long away that biscuit stains have morphed to cookie stains. But back then buggies were prams.
The Irish road maintenance team brought me back to ground though.
What's a Kurdish Post Office and is the Somali Internet Cafe part of it?
The double decker ad for Bristol Zoo brought back memories of Tommie Handley
Cant imagine a few sods on a step being a garden
But I'm guessing the sparrers loved it
The rearrangement paints a better pic and a paper bag bottle would help somewhat too
The break after stop is right on

[Emily B]

Did I miss the graffiti? I like the way that this section moves us down from one level to another: One,
two,
three,
four,
five
steps down
I have trouble with the images of the man watching Stokes Croft and the teenagers pushing biscuit stained buggies. . . I think it might be an issue of geography, though. . .

And I found the graffiti. . . I like the colors of the petals and grass in contrast to the stark concrete walls.

[Cdnsurfer]

Ok, I see you've moved this, focusing on the scene itself more, and because of that it becomes a little less personal but more coherent. Very tight this time around. No loose ends. The tale moves us through the scene very clearly, and the momentary pause to see the garden at the end is stronger. I likey. Much better. Cheers! Rob